Some positive things I can say about myself

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1. I am learning some martial arts, including sword and spear fighting, from a friend who is a former combat mercenary.

2. I have made some strides in story writing as well as drawing in the last handful of months.

3. I got back into toy collecting but I am not following any trends.

4. I still collect comics and don’t feel like I am not a “true fan” just because I haven’t read classic DC and Marvel since even my friends who are “veterans” of comics have told me they haven’t read everything from those eras either.

5. I am getting my work schedule changed to where I don’t have to deal with someone I’ve had a bad history with for my shifts for very long. I will only see her for an hour or two and then she will leave while I work with the night crew which will also be more peaceful than daytime work.

6. I made boundaries with my mother to no longer pressure me about getting a vasectomy and if I am in my room to knock first before entering, especially if I am asleep.

7. A lady I met at a book club event hugged me even though we just met. It shows that I am not a “creep” or “weirdo” like some have accused me of being.

Cool!

Excellent!

Awesome. Good to see you're taking steps towards your goals.

Fantastic You deserve to be making progress in your own self image

Many of us could use a good dose of self-positivity. Thanks for doing that for yourself, and being a role model!

And you have so many! Love it.

May you have ever increasing moments with those positive items in mind.

Why does she want you to get vasectomy? Everyone deserves to reproduce. Vasectomy is like a genocide she wants to kill your genetic line because she regards it as overall deficient. No wonder you are depressed. She is basically telling you she doesn’t want your genes around which logically implies she wishes you weren’t around either.

Right on!

I'm very glad to hear these things! Keep up the good work!

Or it may mean merely that she doesn't think Marknis is capable of the responsibilities of being a parent.

Some of us on the autism spectrum are capable of the responsibilities of being a parent, but many of us (including myself) are not. Neither you nor I know Marknis well enough to judge him either way in this regard.

Well, if he can’t handle responsibility of being a parent right now, maybe he will be able to do it 10 years from now. How does his mother know he can’t learn? If she is going to say he didn’t learn during past few decades so he won’t learn in 10 years, I am going to say how does she know his attitude won’t change? Maybe he should be reminded that the clock is ticking, pick himself up and learn.

I for one don’t want kids right now because I have trouble becoming theoretical physics professor and I don’t want to make it even harder for myself. However, I do want kids 10 years from now because I don’t want my genes to die out. Now, given my academic trajectory, I have my doubts I will be a professor 10 years from now either, and I am 41 as is so I am talking about the time I will be 50. But I can’t let go of *either* my dream of becoming a professor *or* kids: I would feel unfulfilled in both cases. So I guess I have to work really super hard to get both of these things accomplished. I certainly won’t make any lifelong decisions that would sabbatage either of those things.

Thank you to those who responded! I hope more will, especially from those I haven’t heard from for a long time now.

She wanted all her children to have the procedure done because she didn’t want to be a grandmother due to having some what comes off to me as regrets of having children herself due to angry remarks I’ve heard her say. She pressured me the most about a vasectomy, though, mainly because I am “disabled” in her eyes and unfit to be a parent. She’s now a grandmother and spoils her grandchildren.

I am short on time so I’ll have to reply to the rest later.

Let's assume your mom and my mom intend well and did/do the best they could/can, still they are emotionally abusive.

I'm going to be snarky. I think the largest disability you have right now is your mother.

I think many ASD folks thrive and shine in supportive environments and crash and burn (severe depression etc.) in abusive ones. My mom "did her best" a few weeks ago when we talked on the phone and I was depressed for a week recovering from her sincerely delivered but awful thoughts. Here's to us being aware of what's hurtful and learning to stick that on their unhelpful (destructive) ways. It definitely helps to think about what would be helpful and the positive things about ourselves (see how I got back to topic, there? )

I’m glad you’re getting away from the negative, Mark.

There are nice people on WP. Just ignore those who aren’t nice to you.

Mark, I love all the positive things you’re doing now and you know how much I and others value your friendship. Seriously, your Mother may “think” she knows what’s best for you, but only YOU do. I hope that if you ever do get a vasectomy, it will be after you’ve had a family of your own. Please, don’t ever give up on that goal. X

That is really selfish of her. You shouldn't let HER emotional problems ruin YOUR life. Whether you have kids or not should be about you, not her.

Did any of your sibblings actually got sterilized as a result of her pressure? If so, that is truly sad.



Here you go. So she basically dehumanizes you.

Speaking of "disabled", in DSM 4 criteria for Asperger it says "there are no clinically significant delays in self-help skills, cognitive development other than social interactions, and curiocity about envirenment during childhood". So if your diagnosis is Asperger's, thats a proof right there that you have no delays other than social interactions. Unfortunately in DSM 5 they no longer have Asperger category and so its not relevant any more, but if you were diagnosed with Asperger under DSM 4, then yes its relevant.

But even if you did have those delays (lets say you were autistic rather than Asperger) that still shouldn't stop you from having kids. Because delays or disability is just part of your life, not all of your life. You can be disabled in one area and advanced in another area. But if you don't have kids then yes its all of your life. Because, biologically speaking, the main purpose of life is to reproduce. So if your mom tells you that your disability stops you from reproducing, its like her telling you it stops you from being fully human.



How old are they? Is she planning to tell them not to have kids once they become adults?