Has anyone "NT-splained" stuff to you?

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Sort of a take on the "mansplaining" that women get sometimes on subjects like mechanical matters, or sports...
When you're in some social situation with others (NTs) and one of them responds in an oblique way (you know, that "up to 93% of communication is unspoken" cliche...) to something you've said or done (or omitted to do on cue), then peers notice that confounded look on your face as you're like "hmm, I know there's something beyond the actual words as to this person's feeling, but I can't quite put my finger on it" - then some random NT peer chimes in "he/she said that because he/she thinks you're cheap / you could help them carry that stuff in their house / because she just had a big fight with her boyfriend and you started talking about a random topic you like" etc. etc...

Funny thing is, some of the time I knew very close to or exactly what the underlying sentiment was, but I still got "NT-splained" - maybe it's because I was lacking the "passmark" to be regarded as within the normal range of NT-ness, so they felt compelled to "NT-splain", or it might have been deliberately rude condescension, or both - who could say

I mostly got this in my late teens and twenties, and it gradually subsided by taking a multi-disciplinary/pronged approach to the problem.
But even before my diagnosis with Aspergers at 2001, I had the presence of mind to couch it in a little white lie, by responding to the NT-splaining with a pat phrase like "yyyeeahhh...I sort of sensed that was the case , but I couldn't tell for sure" or "oh, no, that's...what I thought - but...it wasn't a pleasant or palatable thought, oh man..." (then appear ashamed).
One time in the early 90s when I was starting uni/college, we went to some pub patio and being a poor freshman student, I paid for my lunch and left a bit of a tip, just 75 cents on some $8 bill some of which was paid for in quarters and loonies (in Canada, that's a $1 coin) telling the waitress what I'd given to be helpful and her reply was "Yes, I can count." After I turned to another older student with a bewildered look, he said to me "she thinks you were cheap because you gave her coins." - my literal thinking that money is money is money, and it's not like I gave it to her in nickels or pennies, I mean seriously??! !? And yes the tip was just short of 10%, but I'm a poor student... it was in a student ghetto area...

Now mind you, there were times on someone "NT-splaining" some nuanced response to me that I felt compelled to retort "well why didn't he/you/she just SAY that - we're not in Japan". But I held my tongue, lest I invite increased hostility or assault or other adverse consequences

The closest I've come to that was being given the clinical term for a problem I was describing.

Oh all the time

You are supposed to make eye contact
You are supposed to network and it's easy once you get the hang of it.
Smile for people.
It's "person with autism" not "autistic" because "autistic" is offensive.
Join this group, Join that group

etc.

It has happened quite a bit or, I needed it to happen in many cases where I kept quiet while being told off for something and I did not have a clue what I was being told off for or why!

Sometimes people missinterpret my meanings. Sometimes I say things out of nurvousness or as a joke and people take me seriously.

Mostly from my parents when I was growing up. I'm not diagnosed and wasn't as a kid obviously, but my parents, especially my mother recognized that I was "off" socially. So they would coach me to smile, say "please and thank you," small talk, etc. Basically being taught to mask, whereas my natural inclination is to not speak unless I have something to say, and to not fake any emotion. Once I became a teenager it got kind of annoying because I had made a pretty good mental map of all the social rules but was still reminded to say thank you, or smile, or whatever else. She still does it sometimes actually, but I remind myself that she's just trying to look out for me.

Nobody outside of my family has ever done that though. But to be fair I have a very good social front nowadays. I can put on a very convincing charming exterior and make acquaintances.

Great thread. Yeah, no I don't think so. I'm usually the explainer. Most people seem pretty bad at reading between the lines. I have experience, option thinking and passion. I'm good at joke meanings too.

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It may be, just subtle...

Not that I mind, since there's no implicit divide (the I'm normal - superior NT and you're not - inferior autistic context) because the norm here happened to say out loud a lot of numerous interpretations of what it might be between the lines.

But that requires a specific dynamic; the more socially savvy you are, the more acceptable it is for you to 'NT-splain' other NTs on other situations.

The most common I observed are either the experienced towards the inexperienced -- if an equal or a peer usually a female towards a male. It's usually the females who does this.

For NTs, these things will click and be done with it.
Mom does this and holds this sort of rank quite often; between her siblings, some acquaintances, her in laws, etc. My sister sometimes with her ex and her peers... My SPED teacher does this with her husband.

And mostly meaningless for me because most lay people simply cannot explicitly explain 'why'.
The only person who may possibly able to break down the subtleties in way I may understood, is my SPED teacher.

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Possibly. Never really thought of it as a thing until you brought it up.

Not sure what "X-splaining" is, nor what is supposed to be wrong with it (man, or NT).

But it can worthy of being remarked upon if the "splaining" is self contradictory.

Case in point: a lady supervisor got fed up with hearing me talking to myself while doing the solitary reptitive work we do.

She ask "who I was talking to?".

So I explained to her that I kept thinking about a conversation I kept having with another lady supervisor. It was a running argument about a certain thing. The second lady kept acting surprised and emotional when a certain thing occurs. And even set her irrational response as an example to subordinates. I kept suggesting to her that this certain thing happens every day and that acting surprised by it is like being surprised that the sun goes down every night. And that she should take a different tack. And set an example of being able to deal with this thing like the trivial everyday thing it is.

The first lady (the one I was explaining this to)responded by saying "well everybody a little bit weird. You just hafta tolerate their wierdness".

She had the right to call out ME for talking to myself. But I dont have the right to call out someone else for a similar thing? WTF?????

I have a theory - there are people who understand NTs and ONLY understand NTs. There are people who understand folks on the spectrum and ONLY understand folk on the spectrum. Then there is the rare person who can act as "translator" not just "'splaning" at you but explain things so they make sense - and do so for NTs confused by spectrum folks and also do so for spectrum folks confused by NTs. This related to my other theory: that the distance from New York to Boston is EXACTLY as far as the distance from Boston to New York - that NTs have just as much trouble understanding non-NTs as non NTs have understanding them. With the possible exception of the left-handed swordsman. The idea is that a left-handed swordsman KNOWS he will be up against right-handed swordsmen so he trains with both his left and right hand, while it is easy for the right-handed swordsman to assume that ALL swordsmen are right-handed so he only trains with his right hand, and so the left-handed swordsman has the advantage. Some non-NTs have a similar advantage over NTs for the same reason (but not all).

^^ Then, there's me. I don't understand any individuals very well, but the behaviour of groups seems unusually clear to me.

I think the worst case of NT-splaining, from my experience, is when they treat you and talk to you like you’re a child.
We are so often infantilised....