Theory of mind and improving it?

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A post on empathy got me thinking about so called theory of mind.

There’s the Sally Ann test for kids, of course.

Is there any techniques people use to train and improve their empathy theory of mind skills?

I’m talking about the ability to see from another’s perspective not kindness / sympathy which is possibly an outcome of TOM rather than the source.

In certain order;

Social stories. Somehow. Though it's more about social skills than ToM specifically.

Body language reading classes. It can exist in various social skill classes.
If it's specifically for autism -- social lessons beyond passing niceties and politeness, it'll likely coexists.

In-depth normal psychology lessons. If one knows what one wants with it and with practice.

Knowing street smarts beyond just social norms and caution.
I think this couldn't be formally found.



Of course, there are possible obstacles that might be to do with autism while learning ToM;
Resolving these can make learning and performing ToM easier. In some cases, it enables ToM at all.

Certain cognitive processing issues; AD(H)D, visual processing issues, etc.

Competing sensory stimuli. Executive Functioning issues -- that includes maybe especially to do with emotional regulation and attention.

Other interferences that can distort ToM such as mental and emotional health issues -- sometimes even specific medical conditions that causes it.

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I don't think I lack theory of mind. My mum says I done a Sallyanne test but she can't remember if I'd passed it or not, which is frustrating because I'd like to know, but I don't remember doing it.
However, I do remember when I was about 5 or 6 I done a Sallyanne-like test upon myself (without knowing at the time but looking back on this memory it's like a Sallyanne test) I was in the school playground with my cousin playing catch with her ball. She wanted to go to the bathroom so she put the ball under the climbing frame because she was worried about losing it and so didn't want me to play with the ball while she was gone. But while she was gone I decided to play a joke on her and hide the ball under a bush. When she came back I expected that she'd look under the climbing frame first where she left it, which she did.

Surely if I lacked theory of mind I would have expected my cousin to look under the bush first?

LoL.. so I just googled the Sally Anne test and it dawned on me again.. I struggle so bad with learning from reading and unless I read and repeat things to myself over and over it doesn't seem to stick.. ugh.

The common complaint on Sally-Anne tests is the instructions.

It implies too much focus on the language processing and semantics than the act of ToM at all.

Mindset is big in Theory of Mind. Even between NTs.
A rigid, narrow and a limited reach of one will not have a good one.



I never had Sally-Anne test.
And whether or not I'm good at something similar, I won't assume to pass or not.

Tricking people into predictability, trying to predict what people do and do it well is what I do for as long as I can remember.

But it meant nothing without social skills, emotional and sensory modulation.
It also meant nothing without good working memory and without mental flexibility.

I lost mine when I lost my EF.
My mindset was too much over the senses and emotions and language, than people's motives and mindsets because of it.

And decidedly meant nothing if you're asocial enough to care.

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I thought new studies show that AS folks have good theory of mind - we just can't figure out the other species. I have spent decades watching and studying human behavior and now have great theory of mind in that I am aware of so many possibilities and what's likely for certain people in certain circumstances. Still I am not presumptuous enough to say I know what another person is thinking. There are just possibilities that one begins to narrow down.

(1) Say I am with a male friend and his Autistic wife at dinner and she looks grumpy. I surmise that she is likely frustrated with something - possibly her meal, maybe the noise. One might imagine I ask her directly and she responds directly. Life is good.

(2) Say I am with a male friend and his NT wife at dinner and she looks grumpy. I surmise she is most likely frustrated with somebody - possibly me, maybe her husband. One might imagine I am not sure how to ask. Life is awkward.

I can tell you for sure that I mask so well there is nary an NT who can imagine what I am thinking - so their theory of mind stinks.

As far as the Sally-Anne --- my AS-like daughter passed and my ADHD-like son failed. Based on Hide-And-Seek books, my son likes to look in the unlikely places (teasing). What's funny is that I do the Sally-Anne thing at work. I'll be looking for a data point and I know it's likely in Spot A, but I go and look at Spot B first b/c... well, it would be more interesting if it were in Spot B (who knows what factors might be between Spot A and Spot B) and sometimes I find something I wasn't looking for and it's completely enlightening. Really, what's the fun in looking where you put something. Do people actually remember where they put things in the first place?

My AS-like 9yo daughter has been practicing theory of mind of a sort: she speaks her guinea's potential thoughts near constantly - even when we are away from the guinea pig. This morning I said to the guinea pig "Hello, don't you look comfortable" as it sat on my daughter's lap and the guinea pig (my daughter) answered "I would be if I had more fresh vegetables." Since I had already turned to leave, I let the comment pass.

I had to clarify theory of mind between my daughter and her teacher recently. The (NT) teacher asked my (AS) daughter to wait. After five minutes when my daughter said "it's been five minutes" (look how patiently I've waited), the teacher said "that's rude!" (you are very impatient). My daughter was really upset for a couple days before I figured out the source. There were other misunderstandings at school; it had been building. Clearly my daughter didn't anticipate the thoughts of her NT teacher and this NT teacher didn't anticipate the thoughts of her AS student ---- but hopefully both of the two will now seek to clarify before speaking or jumping to conclusions.

Learn and to imagine putting yourself in other people’s shoes improved my theory of mind.