Do we lack empathy or is it just different than NTs?

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I’m sure aspies have empathy what do you think?

nts tend to have more empathy for other nts. people with autism tend to have more empathy for people with autism. we all lack empathy. nts just don't want to admit that because they consider themselves as the "norm". to fix this problem we have to know eachother better.

JFC....we’re not just robots.....we’re human.

I couldn't resist reposting this...

So, what is the definition of empathy?

Good question! Empathy means kind, caring and understanding.

Oh, right, well I'm generally a kind, caring and understanding person, and when someone is telling me their feelings I am a good listener, so I think I have empathy--

*Spits out drink* No, J! That is compassion, J! You have compassion.

Oh, right I see. Well, I usually like to comfort somebody if they're crying.

That, my friend, is sympathy, J. If you don't cry when someone else is crying, then you lack empathy. Empathy is the ability to feel what someone else is feeling.

Oh, I thought empathy meant kind, caring and understanding.

It does, J. *Sips drink*

I've been bullied a lot by neurotypicals, because they don't understand my autism, so they must lack empathy--

*Spits out drink* No, J! What are you, stupid? It means they DO have empathy. They do understand how you're feeling but they just choose to not understand.

So if I just chose to not understand how it feels to be someone else, I would still have empathy.

*Spits out drink* Wrong, J! You must always understand other people, whether you want to or not. That's empathy.

Well, not everyone can understand everyone's problems all the time.

No, no, J, empathy is understanding everybody's situations at any given time, no matter what the situation is.

But how can one choose to not understand? You either understand or you don't.

Because some people are just jerks, J.

Jerks with empathy?

Yes, J. But don't you ever be a jerk, because you would be lacking empathy. It's unkind to be a jerk. You should know that more than anyone, because you're autistic. You can't expect neurotypicals to understand that.

So, if empathy means kind, then jerks can't have empathy, because they're not being kind.

J, J, J! Empathy doesn't mean kind. You can be very kind but not have empathy. Empathy is recognising and understanding other people's mental states.

But neurotypicals can't seem to recognise or understand my mental state--

*Spits out drink* J! You can't expect other people to read your mind! They're not you. Only you know your own mind.

Oh...but I'm supposed to read their minds?

That's right, J.

So it seems to me that the definition of empathy varies depending on who you're talking about?

Now you're getting it, J. A neurotypical lacking emotional understanding is human nature. An autistic lacking emotional understanding is selfism. Ha. *Sips drink*

But autistics seem to understand each other.

That's right, because autistics can only feel empathy for those who have experienced the same as them, J. *Sips drink*

But then the same goes for neurotypicals, as they don't understand me.

Neurotypicals usually only feel empathy for those who have experienced the same as them. It does not mean they lack empathy.

But you just said autistics are the ones who can only have empathy for those with the same experience.

No, J. You just didn't read between the lines. If you had empathy, you'd understand that I'm trying to say that the majority of people lack empathy for those who haven't experienced the same.

So if an autistic lacks empathy for a neurotypical, the autistic is lacking empathy.

That's right, J. *Sips drink*

And if a neurotypical lacks empathy for an autistic, the neurotypical is lacking empathy.

*Spits out drink and chokes* No, J! The neurotypical still has empathy.

Oh, I see. But I usually can feel empathy for neurotypicals a lot of the time.

J! We've been through this! You are experiencing compassion and sympathy, not empathy.

Oh. Right.

I'm glad you understand now. But you being a kind, thoughtful and understanding person with a good listening ear and an understanding of other people, go and educate yourself on empathy to build up your empathy skills, or lack thereof. But don't expect people to understand you, otherwise you'll be a narcissist.

So I must understand neurotypicals, but they don't have to understand me.

Yes, J! It will be too much for them to understand you. It will make them feel tired, and you must respect that. Have a nice day, J.

I hope this has answered your question.

Nts do not have empathy it is in their imagination.

Ie they often think i hate myself and am depressed when I don't and I am not....they live in their own world and their understanding is in their head but not in reality.

I despair of a world that expects pepole with disabilities to hate themselves because they are not like them or perfect enough. It is a global sickness.

Too much ego abound...

I have compassion but I don't always understand...i cant live in the world of another i get very tired from trying.

On saying that they can't live in my world either.

Empathy to my experience is not real but compassion is.

I actually have more empathy than most NTs, I'm pretty darn sure, I just oftentimes don't know how to show it.

I think some of this is not lack of empathy skills but us not paying attention to the other person because

1. We are hyper focused on our special interests
2. We are distracted due to sensory sensitivities
3. Our executive dysfunctioning makes multitasking difficult.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Empathy or no empathy -- it's irrelevant if one expresses it wrong.
Or if one moves wrongly or gullible enough to be seen as suspicious. Or not having enough social skills to act on it.

Doesn't matter how much one can read and sympathize a person and no matter how good of intent -- awkward is still awkward. Annoying is still annoying -- it doesn't matter if one cannot help it.
Suspicious is still suspicious no matter how innocent or clueless. Gullible fools are still gullible fools -- that's how one sidedness works.

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I don't believe NTs lack empathy, I just think that both autistics and NTs have the same level of empathy and those that have less or more than average is just down to personality, not neurology. Women (autistic or allistic) have a slightly higher than average empathy than men, but it doesn't mean men lack empathy.

When they talk about empathy from an autism point of view they mean the ability to see things from another persons perspective, which is supposedly lacking in autistic people.

I.e extreme example - Autistic person:

“I love cherry cola so everyone loves cherry cola I cannot perceive of a situation where someone would not love cherry cola.” “ What! you hate cherry flavor how can that be that doesn’t compute”

Unfortunately this is partly true of us evidenced by many ND advocates who view autism from their own perspective finding it hard to see how someone with more severe symptoms may have a different opinion to themselves in these matters.

Do we lack empathy or is it just NTs???

So what is it when you see someone about to injure themselves and your heart hurts? When it kind of ‘indents’
Does your heart hurt for other people!?!