Coming Across Even More Different Than I Realized

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Just a general statement for now: I always knew I was different, but I'm starting to think the gap between me and NTs is more like a chasm. I thought I was cognizant of my differences, but now I'm thinking that the way I thought they perceived me may not be accurate.

Oh, I could see most of them picked up something different about me. But how I thought they perceived me (good or bad) may be off the mark. Theory of Mind? I thought I was passing near-normal but not socially interesting. I'm starting to wonder if a lot of these NTs think about me in a much worse light.

Anyone else kind of relate? Anyone else feel their attempts at ToM have shifted and you didn't realize just how different the thought process between you and NTs may be?

I'm right there with you. I recently decided I must have been autistic all my life, but nobody knew it. Now, almost everyday, I think about how everyone must have given up on me a long time ago.
I still don't have a complete picture of how different I must have appeared to others my whole life.
Autism explains how I can be so different and not even know it. I'm blind to some of my differences because for me, it is a lack of something that makes me different and I can't see what's not there.

Yeah, sure -- and think it's mostly good, frankly.

-Never heard an Aspie gossip or slander another.
-Never found an Aspie bullying another "for sport."
-Never found an Aspie telling everyone else how to live or getting caught up in ridiculous illogical conspiracy drama.
-Never observed an Aspie taking up arms to enforce a belief on another.
-Never find an Aspie playing the "I'm better than you" reindeer game.

Aspies tend to "live, and let live" (at least this is my experience)


I don't want to be like them.

I got at least 4 factors;

Awareness (knowing or not knowing what I look from the onlooker and if I'm doing it right or wrong)
Blending (simply whether I can or cannot pass).
Control (the choice, ability and means or lack of choice to blend)
And Intent (if the situation calls if I deem it mattered I should blend or not, in a mood to do so or not)

I can be aware and inconspicuous, because I can and I care.
I can also be aware but conspicuous because I can and I don't care.
I can be also aware but conspicuous because I can't whether or not I care at the moment.

I can also be unaware and inconspicuous, but not because I can or would, it just does.
I can be unaware, conspicuous, while I can't, I may or may not also care at the moment.

And so on, and so on...


All 4 are all inconsistent.
But generally speaking, I don't care. If anything, I wanna get away with anything regardless of what I end up representing myself as.

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When I was younger I didn't fully notice the differences between me and NT people, but now that I'm older and am more self aware I "get" them now. Though I can't say I disagree with some NT peoples reactions to my autistic traits as sometimes I react just as negatively to the opposite traits in NTs.

What's N=1?

I think NTs are more often able to more nimbly (smoothly) able to:
1. switch their attention between concurrent events/people/situations
2. react to new situations more swiftly
3. regulate their emotional response to ambiguous situations
4. manage their decision making process more efficiently when facing point number 3

Altogether there is better coordination between the different parts of the brain

I think its possible to practice/improve one's capacity to function at the same level as an NT so you can maintain/keep up with them. A lot of WP members do this already and have successful relationships with NTs at home and work.

Being able to keep up with NTs doesn't mean you have to imitate/copy everything they do. That's a mistake. You need to be true/authentic to yourself and think critically. If it takes you longer to do this than the average NT its still better than just blindly copying them.