Experience with PDD-NOS

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The reason I’m in the platform is because I’m going through Depression. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was 1. I went to ABA therapy from 2-4 years old and I reached all the milestones at the “right” age. As a kid I enjoyed drawing and mimicking sounds, which I was pretty good at both. I never liked school. Always had poor academic skills, still do. However I had many friends growing up as a kid. I didn’t like sports at all. But around middle school I started to enjoy playing Basketball. When I was a teenager my mood started to change and academic demands, and making friends became a lot harder. I had a phase when I needed to be liked by everyone and become popular. Right now I feel like I’m stuck in my High School mindset. As a kid I saw being a big kid and growing up as something cool then I realized how overrated growing up is. I’m 21 years old, dropped out of College, despite the fact that I took only a few clases. I had a job a ShopRite. Right now I’m just tryna figure out who am I and what do I like.

I’m pretty new to this website and didn’t know I had a Diagnosis as a baby until 2 years ago. I would like to share and know other people’s life experience with a PDD-NOS diagnosis. I reached all the normal milestones because of ABA and exposure to stimuli. Growing up as a kid I enjoyed drawing, mimicking sounds, airplanes, and SpongeBob. School has always been hell for me, never liked it, never will. I had a lot of friends growing up but most of them I met outside of school. Right now as 21 year old I’m going through a Depression and that’s why I’m here and became interested in the mental health subject. My current struggles are pretty much overall boredom of life and growing up.

My experience was pretty much been a loner lifestyle(not that I wanted it though) Some milestones I hit on time but many of them I missed. As far as the spectrum goes I feel like a Jack-of-all-trades. I have issues of each part of the spectrum, which is both good and bad. Pro: I can almost relate to anyone's issues regarding autism. Bad: I don't feel like I fit in anywhere due to this.

I didn't get bullied in school but I also had no friends either. My biggest issue regarding autism is making friends as I have no definition and the concept of it eludes me. So my experience up until now for the most part is a lonely existance. Also depression, anxiety, and, lonelimess comes with it plus other stuff!

I was "worse" than this.

I had "infantile autism" as a very young child, which would be "autistic disorder" under the DSM-IV, and I bet I would have been Level 2 or 3 under DSM-V.

My original dx was PDD-NOS. If I could be bothered to get a new dx, I'd likely end up ASD level2.

For me, I dunno. I don't feel like I fit anywhere. I can't relate to a lot of the people on here, for example, because they all seem way higher functioning than I am. But I'm not exactly low functioning either. I'm in the middle. I mean, I live alone, own my house, and can drive. I've been married and have kids (all grown and moved out now). In some ways, at a glance, I might seem like I have my crap together. On the flip side of that, I fall apart when stressed out and get stressed out easily, the bulk of my life revolves around self care so I can do basic crap like pay my bills, get groceries, and remember to eat. My sensory stuff gets problematic, my executive functioning skills suck in a lot of ways, and I spend a lot of time 'in my head'. I'm one of those 'aloof' types and it doesn't occur to me to reach out to people unless I have a question or information to pass along. I don't think I've ever felt lonely in my life. I used to work but now get disability after I had a major burnout that I never recovered from. I've tried to go to university multiple times but got overwhelmed each try by only a two classes at a time and quit. I couldn't finish 'regular' high school, so I ended up in adult education in my early 20's when I finally got a diploma. But part of that had to do with getting married and having kids at 17... I was a homeowner before I could legally buy alcohol.

Short of it... My experience with this...in a lot of ways I am low functioning but in a lot of ways I am high functioning. I feel like a walking contradiction and it frustrates me how I can do some things with ease...things that seem huge to others, while failing miserably at things others would consider simple. It makes me nuts some days. My experience with this, I am all over the place and even though I am, I still feel like I fit no place.