Affairs...

Post Reply New Topic

Right or wrong...

Got a rambunctious neighbour.

If it isn't something you are involved with, it isn't something to get involved with. It is neither good nor bad. Without context of what is happening, people having an affair is their business, not ours. For all we know, their situation is entirely consensual, even among the supposed 3rd party who isn't involved.

Wrong, how would you like being loyal whilst your partner cheats on you?

I am not a mind reader. Could you elaborate please?

I have no idea what is right for you or your neighbor.

There are several reasons for being disinclined towards causal or recreational fornication.

1. If you are married, there are few things you can do to hurt your spouse more than this.
2. You might find the acquisition of a harmful health condition.
3. Males see things in a shorter term. Females are likely to be hurt and feel "cast aside".
4. Cultivation of sensation such as anticipation can create a drug dependent-like addiction that leads one into increasingly hazardous pursuits.
5. Traditional family structure is designed to allow people to have physical fulfillment while building something life lasting.

The recreational approach to intimacy usually leaves people in a condition described by the country song, "Third Rate Romance"

I like both of them...the male and the lassie
They are so sweet

I don't want to hurt either.

~She is cuddly

He is cuddly

they are both cuddly

I had visitors earlier....but I keep passing out and they think its strange....just got a message from someone. I just fall asleep and go unconscious apparently.

It weirds peeps out

I can have seizures too...temporal lobe epilepsy

Do you have narcolepsy? And are you talking about attempting to date two different people, or about someone else attempting to do that?

To have an affair is wrong without a doubt. It hurts to habe someone you love and trust be disloyal to you -- a relationship is supposed to be between you and anyone you consent to...and regardless of how you feel, when you sleep with two people at the same time, bodily fluids and diseases and hormones are communicating, and those two partners are in a way being connected too, against their will if you're cheating. When you enter a monogamous relationship, you are setting the terms of it as being monogamous, and if you break the terms of the relationship by cheating, it is an assault on the person's trust and health. You could transmit diseases, or become/create a pregnancy wherein the child is not accepted by extended family (as was in my case, I am a child of an affair) or doesn't have a stable upbringing and that's a whole other trauma in itself. Even if there is no sexual activity between the married couple where one partner cheats, it still just hurts more than anything to be lied to and sneaked around on and replaced by the very person you made a lifelong vow to.

However... I will say this.

Sometimes relationships aren't what you expected them to be, and there can be a lot of love involved or no way to leave, but the conditions of the relationship have changed in other ways. Visit r/deadbedrooms on Reddit to see. Nothing is really black or white, and as I get older, I realize that and try not to hold the same anger I had when I was a kid and seeing infidelity in my own household. It hurts children more than anything. But as an adult it gets needlessly complicated. I just wish more than anything that people would think of their children first, because there are sexual and emotional outlets which can survive you until you figure out your marriage.

Last edited by nzka on 22 Aug 2021, 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Also can I say that I've noticed a trend where both partners commit some form of adultery, cheating, or hurtful behavior, and sometimes it escalates.

For example maybe the husband likes to look at and flirt with other girls, compare his wife to other women or talks too much about past lovers, goes to strip clubs, has a porn addiction, or makes fun of his wife's appearance or her weight a lot...and to prove she is attractive and feel sexy again, the wife goes off flirting with and kissing on other men or women who show interest in her when her husband doesn't.

There are a couple women I've met who never compliment their husbands, treat their men like they're good for nothings, say they settled for them because they were good with kids or had a decent job or whatever, and threaten to throw their husbands out anytime they're not working, if they become disabled or elderly, etc. and those men feel really unloved so it doesn't surprise me too badly they want to flirt with other girls to feel affection.

Neglecting or hurting your partner = they stray away. But I'd rather people just leave than involve random girls/guys in an affair because they're too scared to call it quits. That's another thing! I feel so bad for people who don't know they were the "other person". I don't think they count as a homewrecker...if you didn't know, your trust and health was assaulted just the same.

Last edited by nzka on 22 Aug 2021, 5:12 pm, edited 3 times in total.

i will not concern myself with my neighbor's conduct and failure to follow the golden rule, i can only mine my own compliance with the golden rule, and AFAIC that is a prime violation of said rule.

Your safety is important, but your justice sense is stronger than the cheater's. You "cant sleep at night" while they can.

You would have to be careful in warning that person. Like leaving a note at the right time or something.

Sooner or later it might come out, but that may also be too late to save the person a lot of years and deception also a lot of mistreatment and unmet needs and getting ignored maybe since that relationship is over, theyre just dragging it on. If they want to continue in a productive and genuine way things have to come out to light. From that point of minus, rebuild everything and the trust lost, if both of them are truly willing to give it another chance.

Last edited by Rexi on 23 Aug 2021, 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I did affairs.. ruined my life. I hate this thread.

i wish i had the social intelligence to easily have affairs if i wanted [not the same as saying i want to have affairs].

I think the opposite way. Even though I'm totally opposed to cheating and would divorce without a second thought if I found my significant other doing so, I'm basically functionally unable to juggle all the balls necessary to keep a mistress. Such inability acts as extra protection. There's not a shadow of a doubt that my wife would throw me out if she found out I was cheating.