To be or not to be an aspie

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I am 24 years old and I have always been a weird, dissasosiative girl. I started suspecting I may have asperger's because of a very stressful situation that came about. I am usually very hard to get along with, very stubborn and set in my ways but so far I had been able to blend, you know? Went to regular school all my life. But my symptoms have gotten so much worse. Is that possible, getting autistically worse? My girlfriend suggested it after remembering a lady she knew with an autistic son. "The only difference is that you talk" she said. It had never occured to me at the time that I may be an aspie. Or "asburger" like me and my gf refer to it jokingly. Sometimes I get very afraid about it, and sometimes I do not care at all. I have no money to go get tested; my ticks are sometimes so hard that if i am not allowed to tick I cry. I have gotten into the habit of throwing things. They just don't understand what it feels like. I can't explain why I have to throw it, why I need to throw it at you to make you understand. I seldom talk, out loud. Typing is better, you know? My gf is one of the only people I talk to at all. I get away with supperficial answers when I talk to anyone else.

I won't even bother to type down the symptoms, they are at this point a repetitive litany of the way I live every day, and how much harder it has become to cope. TO keep myself from screaming in public or controlling the tone of my voice, to keep from staring.

I have so much trouble dealing with people, you know? It just never occured to me before that I may have a reason other than my own lack of initiative to change. But I have yet to find a source that could tell me why, why if I am an aspie, why did the syptoms get worse and pronounced so suddenly and so hard. I have read every book I could find in the library, taken every test I could find on-line and though they are not self-diagnosis tools, I have passed everyone as an aspie.

I am obsessing very hard. I am extremely passionate about Greek and roman Mythology, I study it every day. But today instead of looking up new books or studies on the regious aspects of the greek gods I am sitting at the library obssessing, obsessing about Asperger's and if maybe, maybe this is the reason why I have been so lonley and so scared all my life. Why I spent every summer locked in my room unless made to do something else. Why I say things that hurt people's feelings all the time, Why can't seem tp walk around without braking something or hurting myself, why I can't seem to just TALK about what I am mad about, or why I get frustrated over simple things like stuff being moved around, or not being able to work the dvd player soon enough to watch what I want to watch.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

While you have trouble talking about how you feel, you write about it very well. So don't talk. Write. The internet is a boon for Aspies because it lets us communicate openly. All of those social cues we can't read don't exist here. All of that body language we project that makes people uncomfortable can't be seen here. Here all we are is words, and it's the words that matter.

So, again, welcome to Wrong Planet. I hope we can help.

Ya, u sound alot like me in many ways, except in a 24 year old male, single, live alone.

Unfortunatly the tests r not a medical diagnosis, and if u r serious about getting the DX for whatever reason, u gotta caugh up the $$ to get the DX from a qualified specilist, which sounds like thats your problem, u want to know for sure, thats why u obsess about it.

U should look at your options, i bet once u get your DX itll put your mind at ease at least for that subject, their will always be new ones.

Im currently obsessing myself, i started being obsessed with my yearbook collection, after years of not being in school i got them all out, tour the house apart to find them, but i dont have my 2nd grade yearbook from 1990, and its killing me inside, after 17 years, it should net effect me this way, but i know ill never have a complete collection, its almost like that year i did not exist, its a horrible pain, ive been thinking about it alot and dont know what too do about it, this is not normal, ive tryed to remember everthing about that year, for some reason, much of what pops up is my memories of the gulf war watching it on tv, and my second grade classroom. I feel lost, i know the more i obsess the worse ill get, i cant let it go, maby this is how u feel about wanting a DX, but not being able to aford it, it will kill u inside...

sorry for my ramble, ive never felt this way b4...

i wish ya luck, try looking at your options if u have to get a DX, at least u can acheive this.

Thank you very much for the welcome. Another reason why I joined the forums is to have an outlet. Like I said, I am obsessing really hard And I don't want to bombard my gf with it over and over, even though it may not bother her. She is very damn patient. She gets angry if people seem to be unable to understand, works around my terrible routine habits. Like watching Happy Feet and Rocky Horror every day. My constant urge to correct people if i think I am right. I used to write, religiously, but lately even that has become so hard. And reading up on how diagnosis is done for aspergers I am afraid they will say there is NOTHING wrong with me. That scares me more than being diagnosed as an aspie.

I am sorry you can't find your year book. It is horrible. I had the entire vampire cronicles book collection. I bought every book anne rice wrote and I had to leave them with my parents. It killed me for years not to have them, I still grab random books written by her and browse them, but I am more at ease. I think you will be too. Try calling the school you graduated from to get a copy of the book!

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Are you a new member?

Welcome to WrongPlanet

The internet is a God-send to those of us on the Autism spectrum, we can have a "social life"
without the social pressures. Here we can think about what we are going to say and take
our time planning our responses.

Welcome!

I am Jason!

Hi Tempy
I think a lot of us have had similar experiences.In theory,Asperger's becomes
kind of self-regulating as time goes by,but in times of undue stress everyone is
prone to these 'meltdowns'. If you keep learning as much as you can,that in itself
should hopefully help to ease the stress levels.

I guess one of the reasons I am obsessing is because I am tired of feeling like I am playing "lets pretend to be normal" even when around a person that i KNOW is understanding.

its cool 2 b uneque, but not too much, or u will b out of the social circle, sometimes u gotta suck it up and blend in, but do so your own way.

PLUTO: Heh, im not trying to be mr. mean, but your pic, the planet, im assuming is suppose to be pluto, however pluto is 2 small to have enough gravety to make a smooth, near perfect sphere, isnt pluto irregular shapped? Also, do u agree or dis agree with the astrnomer community when they say it is not a planet, i do agree, and thought this long b4 they made it official! Recently they discovered another object in the kupier belt, i think its slightly larger, ok sorry to take over this post.

Tempy,

Some of the things you mentioned may be comorbids(A term meaning a problem commonly associated with, but not part of), or outgrowths of, AS. Other things sound AS. You might be shocked at how it can change you.

As for you getting worse? Maybe you are just more stressed out, or thinking about it more. Over the past few months, I seem to be more autistic, but I think that is just because I am noticing more. Over the past few weeks I have been worse due to new stress. Nobody has mentioned, or reacted to, any difference, although the stress of several meetings of 6 people in my cube caused a funny situation!

BTW WELCOME!

I think I have been getting worse because people HAVE noticed.

I am now prone to fits on a regular basis. I get furious if I am interupted or touched when doing something focusedly. I cant seem to say whats bothering me sometimes, and I will lay in the bed and writhe and tick for a long time in frustrated or when I get hyper.
I didn't used to do that.

Get mad if I lost things, yes i used to do that. I used to have a lot of difficulty understanding instructions, being able to pick up the speaker's voice amid the ambient sounds, but now I barely catch my name being called.

Sometimes being touched makes my skin crawl and sometimes I want to do nothing else than to rub on people and take their things to look at and touch. And I can't explain why. My answer for almost everything is "I don't know"

"Why did stare at that woman so long? its rude"
"I dont know"
"Why would I compliment someone like "THe dress hides your fat it is nice" and I don't mean it to be bad, but it seems bad to them" you see? I have always done that though.

And I started getting what my gf thinks are stress sezures.

I scream in public, twitch, etc. My "eccentricities" are more obvious and people stare constantly.