Why do people with Asperger's fall behind their peers?

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I seem to feel that I find myself trying to be at the same level as my neurotypical peers. I also do find myself thinking ‘’Why didn’t have my own car at 17?’’ when I passed my test and drove my own car at 28, ‘’Why didn’t I go straight to university from school at 18 and graduate at 22?’’ even though I went to college at 18 and didn’t start university until 22, ‘’Why didn’t I get a paid job earlier?’’ even though I started paid work at 26.

I even see myself feeling left out in my own leisure time by not doing things that someone my age should be doing such occasionally meeting up with friends and going out them to the pub in the evening, or a concert or something especially when I see photos of people online having a great time partying. I don’t have many close friends to go out with and they are not going-out types and so I don’t go to a pub or concert on my own because I seem to think its weird and awkward to go on your own and this aggravates the feeling of missing out even more. In my own time, I go out to places to book shops, charity shops and other places on my own and will stay at home doing some hobbies. I seem to think that in order to fit in ''normal'' society, you MUST adhere to these social norms.

I learned somewhere along the line that no matter what happens in my life, there will always be people ahead of me and people behind me. There will be people richer, or poorer, better looking or uglier, healthier or sicker, and so on. Comparing anybody else to you does not really work because there is only one of each of us, regardless of what society says is important... trying to live up to other's ideas of what is right for me or you will only make us crazy... there are thousands of ways to do almost everything in life, thousands of different outcomes for everybody. Sending best wishes, do what is right for you, no guilt, no pressure, no shame, no self punishment because somebody else is different somehow. Truly the whole of life is a spectrum.

I know my own answer to those questions -- cause everyone's poor and can't get over whatever the heck that was in the 1960s.


Whenever I see my own peers trying to do the same, I ask -- "What time or resources for whom or what they sacrificed this over with?"

Looking back to adults I've known for years, their stories and what they had got through.
And whose social media posts are very much comparable to said outgoing people in the internet.

And I know their life behind the screens. Why not assume the same to everyone?
I just don't see it as a competitive race like sprinting many people do.

I see it has some strange mix of management, gambling and a marathon.

Anyone with EF issues won't like management, aspies do not like 'gambling', and anyone with a weight to carry and/or energetic issues won't do well in marathons -- knowing what burnouts and chronic fatigue are.

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I never fell behind.
If anything I achieved the important milestones ahead of my peers.
I must be not autistic then?
Or is it that I was clueless
That I was supposed to be impaired?

nobody told me about the race, i had not a clue. i found out about it by accident and by the time i could get my shoes on and make it to the venue, it was long-over and forgotten, and the place was paved into a parking lot.

Because Asperger's is s**t.

I think you must get over the idea that you MUST fit into typical NT norms. Realize not even all NTs fit into those norms. I know the feeling that you should be doing the common social things. Unless you really enjoy it, I think you should try to get over that idea and find new friends who have alternative social activities.

When the challenges you face in life are greater than your ability to cope, then you're going to break down bit by bit. My brain is a manual gearbox so I have to deal with everything social, emotional and sensory analytically. Takes a lot of gas to power that kind of engine, so you can't expect that to run at the same speed as your peers', neither in the moment nor in the long run that is life.

^^^well at least you got a by-god gearbox, dad gummit. mine is one speed so on the steep climbs of life i hadda get off and walk the danged thing up the hill.

If life was up to my brain to decide, I wouldn't be here today.

NOTE: Following paragraph talks about suicide. Don't read if you're easily triggered.

Back in 2011 I would've succeeded in committing suicide if I hadn't been found and rushed to the hospital to get the overdose out of my system in time. I woke up in the ICU one day later with the life support machine on my left and the doctor on the right, and after that I went through months of forced ECT and drug treatment in a closed ward. The main reason for the suicide attempt was a failure to live up to the expectations of the people around me, mainly family. I had just failed a second time going back to the university, had no friends, and my body and mind were breaking down due to onset of schizophrenia.

Anyway, don't want to talk too much about that. Sorry if I often come across as a humblebrag here. I guess I might sound ungrateful for having achieved certain goals that aren't easily reached by the autistic majority.

^^i'm sorry you had to undergo that. can you please tell us something of your opinion of your time in the mental hospital?

I don't really have a strong opinion. It worked the way closed wards work. It's like a hermetically sealed tank where the only access to the outer world is the TV-set. You couldn't see anything from the windows except the smoking yard surrounded by a 2.5 m high fence.

The staff acted professionally and I wasn't subject to anything I can consider abuse (unless you think of the entire system as a form of institutionalised abuse, which is up to each and everyone to consider).

The patients were definitely out of their minds. Lots of people with psychosis. We had a fairly good ratio of caretakers/patient so if someone wanted to pick a fight s/he was quickly outmanned and injected with fast-acting benzo.

i guess i got off easy by just being homeless, compared to that experience. my god...

Sorry, didn't know you had been homeless. You have a place to live in, now, right?