I seem to be trapped in some Dante's Inferno of noise...

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If one is as such, and by trapped I mean no future where this apparently will resolve itself, as people seem to insist it's their right to destroy one's life... then, realistically, should suicide be considered? I mean, right now I literally can't even go in a bath I just filled in because soon after I noticed this nightmare returning, and it happening while I'm trying to relax is.... well...

It's destroying me so much I literally tremble every time it happens...

I do not think suicide should ever be considered. I do not know what circumstances you are going through exactly, since all that you are noting is that you are experiencing noise related stress related to somebody else. Are you able to isolate yourself from this person? are there ways you can minimize the noise (Noise cancelling headphones for instance)?

You may need to consult a therapist or other health professional to help offer solutions. Depending on the nature of your (assumed) misophonia, you can also get help from a physical doctor or general practitioner. Are there special allowances or benefits you receive for ASD or other related condition? For instance, you may be able to get noise cancelling headphones paid for as a medical expense.

It's just not something that headphones could ever block... some noises overwhelm any defences... I am not able to get away, because, it's where I live... also, as far as I know misophonia is mostly about small noises that specifically irritate some people for some psychological reason... not earthquake-inducing noises that destroy minds...

To be direct, what *is* the noise? Not your experience of it, what is it actually?

That will help determine what can be done to help.

It's an engine, I really hate having been born after those infernal machines were created...

I'd say try to create a long term goal of moving to a new place. I know that's hard and not always possible, but try to give yourself some hope for the future. If it makes you feel any better I know exactly how you feel about the engine/ generator noise. It's almost more of a feeling than a noise and I can feel it inside my ears, and chest. It also makes me shake and I agree it can't be totally blocked by headphones. Sometimes the combination of ear plugs and headphones (with music going) can help. I'd also suggest trying to get yourself out into the woods if you can. Especially while the leaves are still on the trees, it helps muffle the sounds. Try going to a pool or a lake and dunking your head in for a few seconds. Even these little breaks are better than nothing. Good luck.

Can't take such a break really, as besides the pandemic, it's an urban hellscape around here... and yeah, I was trying to see where else I could move to, but the more I look the more it seems impossible... always one hopeful step, then pushed two steps right back...

Ohh, I see. Yeah understand that, I used to live in a city and after a while there I also became suicidal, I also think the constant noise was partially to blame for that.
Don't give up on finding new housing. It's for sure frustrating especially now but eventually something will come along.
But there are all kinds of ways to hide from the noise for small amounts of time in the meantime, you just have to find something that fits into your life. Maybe you can find one of those sensory deprivation tanks (they might be expensive I have no idea). Maybe you can take a train to the suburbs and hang out in a park (assuming you have a mask and a vaccine) but my point is, even if it takes some effort to get away from the noise even for a little but it'll be worth it. Also dont be afraid to scream in frustration lol
Don't be afraid to prioritize this it's about saving your own life at this point.

Oh also just wanted to add I'm not trying to add a bunch of crap to your to do list I'm just trying to let you know there's more possibilities than it looks like there are in the moment when you're overwhelmed.

I moved due to noise in '06. I just had to go looking for a better place, and it took two months. Sometimes, it has been problematic here, but now I have a handy car camper for short get-aways. However, after all these years, I am finally re-learning how to ignore minor noise and get sleep. I hope to raise the acceptable volume, now that I've finally found a new attitude. Sometimes, I've gotten myself sensitized to pick up an annoying noise even when it is very faint.

Unless I end up homeless I can't do much, lingering around parks makes no difference if upon returning I'll simply end up in the same nightmare...

You could try noise dampening a small area with which to get some rest. Cardboard egg cartons whilst not the most effective method does work. Research noise dampening methods and get some rest sir. Here are some ideas https://soundproofpanda.com/how-to-soun ... oom-cheap/

I use inner-ear earphones and blast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omGD0GwS-VM at full volume from my smartphone. I also double-down and blast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naOBXOdLiig from my laptop right next to my head during sleep. It drowns out:
- a large dog barking a floor away in the same house
- loud obnoxious chatter from the next room
- doors, drawers, cupboards and appliances being slammed shut by big, heavy and clumsy people directly under my room
- things being hammered on tables directly under my room

If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't still be around today.

It's not ideal. Perfect silence would be far healthier, but that's not in the cards so I just do what I can.

If you've got a mental health support system of any kin, namely a therapist or social worker who can recommend a move based on your proven noise sensitivity, that might be the solution. If at all possible speak to one of them and request them to assist with more amenable accommodation.

I've lived in several urban environments but always find the countryside the most peaceful due to nature sounds being the dominant ones.

It's not surprising that droning of low frequency noises can impair mental health. There used to be a generator that kicked in at a store next door when the power went out, and it would make me crazy. I had to either put loud music on or go for a long walk.

Background sounds are useful, but can be monotonous, which is why for a while I ended up with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1o4O2SfQ5g instead, varies a bit but still has no gaps. Of course, nothing's more potent I find than heavy metal, but it can have gaps... my problem also is mostly with inconsistent engine noises, don't mind too much regular ones as long as they're not loud... but the combination of absolutely loud and sudden... is giving me PTSD (without the post...), I think... earlier just my cat opening a door made me think it's the nightmarish engine, just because the door has some minor bass sound... also, I doubt anyone can do anything so I could move, I was actually in a better place, but they made sure to screw me over...

What sort of engine is it - what's it used for? Only during normal office hours or what?

You should be able to speak to a social worker and address your issue to her. There must be information on your file that can be used.

I don't care for heavy metal myself as I prefer stuff such as Kiphi, Klaus Schutze, Jean Michel Jarre or Tangerine Dream but each to their own!

At elast there is some respite for you then.

I wasn't before four years ago