Is it normal for some aspies to have no confidence?

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I have no confidence, I lack self esteem and respect. I don't want to change the way I am and I don't like it when people have giving me a compliment before. For example before covid people say I do a sport well in Special Olympics I would rather if the coaches and athletes would cheer everyone else in the sport but me. I feel I don't deserve it. Also I don't like it when other people compliment my tattoos, nails, hair, glasses, clothing, ect. I know I hate myself.
Is it normal for some aspies to have no confidence?

many here are in your situation. when you grow older like me, you may well find that the situation mellows out somewhat.

What do you dislike about people complimenting you for doing a sport well? Do the compliments feel insincere?

Unfortunately, probably a great many autistic people lack confidence.

It's not about compliments being insincere. Its about the fact that I hate myself due to the face I'm 37, don't have a job, never went college, didn't really finish high school and various other personal reasons.

i know it seems like a cold comfort at best, but you are among many other posters here in a very similar situation in their own lives. i am one of them. i was more or less daily belittled growing up, told i was basically crazy and good for nothing. it made me crazy for a while.

I have very little confidence in my abilities, but i do generally like myself as aa whole

I used to hate myself very strongly until a few years ago, i still do sometimes. Also i hate compliments too, and people who like me or attracted to me turn me off.

I am complex when it comes to these issues.

On one hand I know that I'm competent at my job and am a good worker.
On the other I still lack confidence in my ability to do a good job.

One one hand I cannot really handle compliments and often brush them off with "Nah it's not that good" or the like.
On the other I really strive to get compliments and I enjoy being liked and somewhat popular.
And I don't *really* think that I'm liked or popular, despite having seen proof for it at least in some cases being the case.

/Mats

I wonder about this. When I stand alone I have confidence in myself. Most of the time I am told I radiate confidence. But relative to others, when challenged, I don't - at least not internally and eventually that shows up externally. I was invalidated and/or criticized relentlessly as a child. Having ASD in an NT world perpetuated that to a large degree. On the other hand my ASD-like BFF who has more self-esteem, but less confidence than me. She was raised in a household by two (likely) ASD parents and was validated - she was Normal in her household and could pass easily in the structured private school. However, we both "suffer" from giving space to others and not ourselves - that seems to be a female affliction in this gendered world of ours.

My confidence is not consistent. So is my self esteem in turn.
Because my abilities and expressions do not express consistently as I intended or needed it.

No amount of winning or losing streaks or numbered odds of stats will assure or waver me.
Because nothing will come out consistently, and I cannot predict the source of inconsistencies.
My 'past' scores of performance becomes irrelevant.


Really, I can outperform everyone at any day -- but at the same time I cannot hope to any day.
I can be competent at one moment, only to lose it all at next.
Or the opposite -- I can be completely dysfunctional at one moment, only to have all in control of everything at next.
I won't know if I have it until it's over.


It is one thing to deal with first degree of uncertainty alone, which is usually the self's perception.
A change of attitude might as well cure it.

It is another when dealing that seem to meta itself -- it's not just the self who's seeing the uncertainty anymore.
No amount of internal change of perspective is going to alter it.

Frustrating.
I'm still trying to find and solve the root cause of it.




I think the lack of confidence in most aspies is more rooted to one's ability to take uncertainty, and self esteem is rooted to the ability to perceive/misperceive said uncertainties.

To compensate for the wholly external uncertainties, many aspies hold onto internal consistencies -- usually manifested into a form of personal rigidity.
It can be their special interest, their test scores, specific traits, or how people should treat them, etc.
That's my theory at least.

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