"The before diagnosis results panic"

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Okay, so, I am awaiting the results of my autism assessment and I have a lot of questions and things I need to ask about.
1. What do I do if they say I'm not autistic, or basically say that they aren't sure?
For as long as I can remember, the thought of having something wrong with me excited me. When I was little, I guess I was just curious. But as I've gotten older, It's become something that I have strived for. When my mom mentioned that I could be autistic (she already suspected it when I was younger but doctors always said I didn't fit the criteria), I felt so energized all of a sudden, and excited. I went to my computer and read every site I could find on information about autism. To be completely honest... I didn't relate to it any more than I had everything else I had researched. But I did relate to a few things: special interests (so focused I obsess over 1 character for months), sensory issues (I try new foods but hate them all and end up eating the same 3 things). I'm not so sure about social difficulties, but my sister thinks I definitely have them.
Okay, so now that you have a little background, you know why it would be crushing to me to not get diagnosed. Does it sound like I will be diagnosed? Please be honest with me.
2. Was the assessment legit?
All I did was some random puzzle IQ things, 2 questionnaires, and this thing where I had to make up a story with toys. TOYS? WTF, BRO I'M NOT 3. The rest of the testing seemed legit, but the lady later told me that the only thing actually testing for autism was the story I made with the toys. Of course, my story was funny, and I was able to generate one easily, as I have an imagination (all people ever say about me is that I'm creative. I'm always creative, according to everyone). I don't think this was a proper test, nor was it worth over 2,000 dollars.
3. Wtf does "not autistic but slightly neurodivergent" mean?
That's what my mom says about me. Idk what else to say. Anyone identify as this or can explain it to me?
4. Does getting obsessed with one character (usually male) and only caring about them and writing fanfic about them getting hurt still count as a special interest?


Okay that's all I can think of. Please tell me wtf is going on. Need someone to tell me I'm not an insane attention seeker.

Do you get excited because you already believe there's something different about you, and the possibility of getting validation makes you happy? I get sort of happy whenever anyone "validates" my autism because I've had my issues mostly ignored and dismissed for 20 years.

I'm also going to be honest, the assessment you got sounds like the exact same one I got at 16 and it seemed slightly halfassed to me. It was mostly IQ test based, like you said, and they barely asked me anything autism-related. Despite that they said I "qualified" for a diagnosis (though the lady said she wanted me to go to therapy for 6 months before she would diagnose me). I hope they give you a diagnosis, and if you don't get diagnosed but believe you still may be autistic I would try to get another assessment with a different provider later on, and maybe spend the time before that compiling as much "evidence" as you can about your childhood development, ASD-related behaviours, etc.

As for "not autistic but still neurodivergent", there are people who are part of what's called the "Broader Autism Phenotype". They don't have traits that are to the degree of it being a disorder and it disrupting their life, but still have plenty of ASD traits and often even genetic changes associated with ASD.

Edit: As for what you said about being obsessed with one character, I don't know if it'd specifically be a "special interest", but there are autistic people that become completely obsessed with very specific people or things.

Even if you're not diagnosed with autism, you're still welcome here.

And if you are diagnosed with autism.....then that's great, too.

You can have many facets of autism without a diagnosis---and you can identify with autistic folks---so you can be a valid member of the autism community, even if you're not diagnosed with autism.

This Site is not just for people with autism. It's for people who have the best interests of autistic people in their heart.

Time waiting with diagnosis results pending is nerve wracking to say the least. Somebody recently quoted their diagnosing doctor as saying "he said he never met a self diagnosed person seeking diagnosis, who was not autistic" That sort of sums things up for many of us today. Diagnosis is very very difficult to obtain for many reasons. Self diagnosis is widely accepted in autism forums and groups because it is so very difficult and there is not one specific identifying test that can be done to determine autism. It is all down to the individual doing the assessment and their best guess. The experience, training, practice, and professionalism of the identifying professional is only one struggle, finding such rare experienced professionals, affording their fees, traveling long distances and having to stay in motels, etc, is sometimes (often) part of the problem. When we do find such professionals often they have years' long waiting lines for assessment. To top it off, there is no "autism treatment" available to adults as such. We have to sort our struggles and learn how to get help for them under treatment for depression, anxiety, poor proprioception, and a thousand other names. It is certainly natural for us to be anxious and worried about diagnosis results. It is great to have confirmation and affirmation, but if you get a negative diagnosis, also recognize the many pitfalls of "the system" and of diagnostic individuals personal failings (they are human too). Please keep us posted on the outcome. No matter what you are still you and you know yourself better than anybody else, know your struggles and strengths and no person you met and interacted with for a few hours, no matter how intensely can actually know you better than you know yourself. Sending best wishes.

Autism isn't a binary state - it's not like you either are or aren't autistic, with no in-between. There's grey areas, people who have autistic traits but not enough to meet diagnostic criteria.

In addition, neurodivergent doesn't just refer to autism. People with ADHD are also neurodivergent, as are people with dyslexia, Down Syndrome, dyspraxia, FASD, or any other condition that affects how your brain works in ways that shape the way you think and feel and learn.

So, either your mom thinks you have some other neurodevelopmental condition, or she thinks you're in the grey area between autistic and non-autistic.



Yes. In my experience, a lot of fanfic writers are on the autism spectrum.

Welcome to wrong planet.

The assessment was probably about how you reacted more than the answers you gave.

Pre assessment panic is common.

Welcome to WP, cora!

Time will tell how your assessment is written, but I'm sure it will have lots of valuable insight about your development either way. The test where you play with toys is called the ADOS, just in case you'd like to google more information about it.