Why are "social skills" even called "skills"?
This kind of boggles me, and maybe it's just semantic quibbling on my part...but... why even use the label "social SKILLS" if such behaviours, instincts, and non-verbal fluency come naturally to neurotypicals???
I mean, when talking about other aptitudes like being a plumber or electrician or accountant, or hobbies like painting or composing music, that's a skill per se...
We don't talk in terms of "walking skills" vis-a-vis folks in a wheelchair, now do we?? No, because that would be absurd.
Having learned to mask over the years, having a few close friends offer me support and guidance since my early 20s and having gone on several dates with females with a few culminating in success...I can honestly say in MY case that it was a "skill" or else my life would have been filled with far more negative experiences. I did conscious practice of behaviours and it translated into acceptable response. So, if anything, "social skills" is really just an accurate label for ASD/HFA folks, but it's a misnomer for neurotypical folk.
Or, devil's advocate, maybe not... you have some NT folk who can be effective salesmen (or women, but far more common with men b/c showing TOO much emotional intelligence can be detrimental to closing a sale i.e. when dealing with rejection and agreeing/bending), they can be therapists or counsellors - but not all NTs would feel comfortable in that role.
So logically, when people say that lame reassuring statement of "we're all on the spectrum" then maybe it's true...because for some people the social arts are more of a skill, they can pick up on some non-verbal clues more accurately than other NTs...otherwise, it's not a skill but it's just foundational ability. In a similar vein to basic computer "skills" like moving a mouse or typing or switching between windows, or math "skills" like a cashier making change.
Kind of a philosophical thread, but makes you think, doesn't it?
Mechanisms of social behaviors and the idea of social skills.
It's a tricky thing to divide with a lot of overlap.
The mechanism part is usually executive functions, sensory and cognitive processing that affects learning and conditioning.
In turn affects practice, behaviors and amongst other factors whether inherent, acquired or consequential.
'Skills' is the outcome of practice, management and upbringing or training itself. It is outwards -- it is based on outcome.
It doesn't matter how or why, only that classic templates of social skills do not work for us because of lacking or having different mechanisms involved.
At least that's how I lay it out myself.
I get to observe how social skills IS as an actual skill opposed to the 'natural NT instinct' -- which is NOT a skill by any means, that many already developed by the time before they're in puberty or much earlier in life.
And of course it's not 'walking skills' and it is indeed absurd.
No, the right term is motor skills. Walking is just one of the outcomes of gross motor skills.
Physiological standing and to some extent walking by itself, has it's own mechanisms separate from motor skills itself.
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I mean, when talking about other aptitudes like being a plumber or electrician or accountant, or hobbies like painting or composing music, that's a skill per se...
We don't talk in terms of "walking skills" vis-a-vis folks in a wheelchair, now do we?? No, because that would be absurd.
We do, actually. People talk about "motor skill development" when discussing children who are learning to crawl, walk, etc. And people with congenital physical disabilities, who will need wheelchairs once they outgrow strollers and being carried, are described as having "delayed motor skills".
Like walking and speaking, socializing is a mix of instinctive and learned for neurotypicals. Their brains are primed with instinctive patterns, but they need to learn skills to build on them. For walking, you can observe a "stepping reflex" in newborns suggesting a reflex component to walking, but a newborn lacks the strength or coordination to make any practical use of that reflex, and needs to spend about a year exercising their muscles and practicing various movements before they'll actually be able to walk. Speech seems to have instinctive components too - even congenitally profoundly deaf children, who have never heard speech, will do canonical babbling ("mamam" "bababa" etc) around 6 months old, but they'll eventually taper off the babbling, whereas hearing NT children will start using more language-specific phonemes and eventually saying actual words. Also, there's certain grammatical rules that children are primed to infer, such as verb conjugation, and they often overregularize language as a result ("I holded a bunny").
Similarly, NT kids have certain instinctive social behaviors. They're instinctively fascinated by faces, for example, and are likely to make eye contact within hours after birth if they're not too tired. They also instinctively mimic facial expressions - if you stick your tongue out at a newborn, they'll probably do it back. But things like theory of mind and nuances of what facial expressions mean are learned.
Similarly, NT kids have certain instinctive social behaviors. They're instinctively fascinated by faces, for example, and are likely to make eye contact within hours after birth if they're not too tired. They also instinctively mimic facial expressions - if you stick your tongue out at a newborn, they'll probably do it back. But things like theory of mind and nuances of what facial expressions mean are learned.
Well, hehehe, I clearly wouldn't remember if I exhibited these behaviours or not...I don't know if my parents remember either, LOL!!
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I do know that they never said anything about this being a serious issue when I was an infant/toddler; thus I had the more benign Aspergers (now ASD/HFA), probably at the moderate level.
I didn't get diagnosed with Aspergers until 2001 at the age of 27. SO, like many of us Gen X'ers who got diagnosed rather late in the game, I was compelled to "accelerate" my imprinting of non-verbal communication and try to seamlessly couple it with ToM (theory of mind). With mixed yet gradual results. This may be somewhat funny yet I think it worked for me, when I was younger like 12-13 I'd read Garfield comics incessantly, and the characters (Jon and Garfield) were always drawn very expressively, spanning the whole range of emotion - so that got imprinted on me, and I saw "echoes" of that in real life but soon came to realize that the comic strips are, well, kinda exaggerated

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Funnily enough, I had instinctive social behaviours that developed typically - right up until the age of 4 or 5 when I suddenly showed several autistic-like behaviours, which then kind of faded again until I was about 8, when I fell behind my peers socially by about 3 years (as in I lacked self-awareness for my age and had toddler-like temper tantrums).
That is why I believe MMR vaccines can cause autism....
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There are people who go through life reacting to there social environment reflexively (like autopilot). The might be called social reflexes. Some have better reflexes than others.
Often those with Aspergers go through life on manual control. Social interaction is less reflexive than intentional and the word "skill" is more appropriate.
Funnily enough, I had instinctive social behaviours that developed typically - right up until the age of 4 or 5 when I suddenly showed several autistic-like behaviours, which then kind of faded again until I was about 8, when I fell behind my peers socially by about 3 years (as in I lacked self-awareness for my age and had toddler-like temper tantrums).
That is why I believe MMR vaccines can cause autism....
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But I believe that in your case, you many very well have been affected that way by it.
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