Serious meltdowns

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TW?

I've about had it again...

A bunch of stuff happens, stressed me out, I ended up in the ER again, but instead of hospitalizing me they put me on a bus to mental health... Who's advice was basically I need to socialize more... Or distract more...

But I'm still stuck on school/jobs... I still have the option of going to school next fall, but no funding, and they even admitted they'd have to change parts of the program to just accommodate me... for example not walking as far out into the wilderness, I don't feel it's fair to everyone else though.

I did have a recent talk to a science professor, who said my real talent fell within the grad program I already got into...

But to get back to the original point, my anxiety, trauma (they tacked borderline on after my husband and family abuse, my new doc upholds my previous bipolar and ASD diagnosis) and they've been trying med adjustments with no luck... Therapy's not doing much, it's like they just pay a lady to say nice things to me.

The meltdowns have to stop!! ! Why in the world can't they do anything but suggest mindfulness, distraction, etc ... And being social? When I'm in a bad mood other people make it worse...

I got triggered this evening about someone on a local group bragging about their job... I want to feel accomplished.... I want something to do but I keep failing to get hired or when I'm hired I can't keep the job...

I get disability... But because of ethics I don't like free money... To just exist why...

The only way to offset meltdowns is to have insight into them, so you can seek to offset the worst effects of them.

To nip it at the bud, so to speak.

It’s better to have a reduced meltdown than a full-blown one.

Have you done Radical DBT therapy? Do you have an OT?

I know you’re making an effort, by the way.

I wish you could get one of those bird jobs.

I'm so sorry for the severe meltdowns. You definitely need relief somehow.

On a seemingly minor level, I'm going to get an assessment for noise-reducing earplugs to reduce my underlying agitation level. My daily meltdowns (minor to moderate) are generally b/c of three things occurring at once or in close proximity - something on my mind, something in the environment and then an emotional challenge. If I can reduce the odds of one of those contributors, I'm less likely to have a meltdown. Unfortunately, there is so much outside our control interacting with others and the NT environment.

I am between jobs and although I have savings, I use the food pantry where I volunteer. It is really nice for me. I don't need it financially (saves $100 per month) and yet I do really need it: it's an ASD heaven: one shopper at a time, small and well organized, dimly lit with a helper to review and pull out refrigerated and frozen items. My husband says we don't need it (his pride?) and reply that I doooooo need it ---- b/c I am so stressed by the "in between" of employment, having this shopping "accommodation" is valuable. It gives me spoons and so I have avoided a severe meltdown --- although I did consider going to urgent care with my son earlier this week when he was is ADHD meltdown and I was about to lose it with him. Interestingly this is the one week I didn't go to the food pantry (I went to noisy brightly lit regular stores), so maybe something there.

When I am employed again, the Uncertainty of unemployment will no longer be an underlying factor for me and spoons will be freed up (e.g. to use at regular stores). It's frustrating b/c I can handle any one thing at a time, but when the stressors add up... boom. You know. I'm "preaching to the choir" here. My therapist is encouraging me to face and embrace my limitations. It's hard b/c I am able... but not... it's very circumstantial. I would bet the same for you. We need scaffolding for our circumstances to reduce meltdown severity or frequency.

Radically Open DBT is a therapy originally designed for people with Borderline Personality Disorder but it's starting to be used for other disorders, where people have a lack of control or intense emotions / meltdowns. Of course it's up to your doctors to decide what's best for you and I wasn't trying to suggest a course of treatment. I mentioned OT because they might be able to help you with sensory processing, which helps to calm emotions and outbursts over time. I did hundreds of hours of OT last year. My OT explained that our brains won't be able to calm down (cognitively) until our bodies / nervous system are settled physically. Our primal instinct takes over with fight / flight / flee / fawn / freeze before we can reason and think about anything else. Until our nervous system is settled, no amount of cognitive therapy will really help.

I'm sorry you're still dealing with meltdowns. I have a lot of them myself, usually when I have more than one emotion happening at the same time. That conflict floods or overwhelms me because I'm not great at processing my feelings or knowing what they're trying to say. My OT helped with this as well by teaching me more about Interoception (understanding my body sensations to recognise feelings -- even as basic as hunger, thirst, and fatigue but including a few emotions as well). My meltdowns are quite severe, so you aren't alone. I find I have them almost any time I leave the house for more than a quick errand. I'm becoming housebound because there's so much sensory bombardment and social stress involved in any prolonged activity (appointments, shopping, etc).

I don't have a perfect answer of what will help you, but again I wanted you to know you aren't alone.

https://www.radicallyopen.net/about-ro-dbt/