Masking behaviours by means of alcohol or other medications

Post Reply New Topic

Over the last few months, since self diagnosing with Autism, I've been watching hundreds of You Tube videos made by various people with Autism. One of the subjects I've been interested in, but not really understood how it applies to me until yesterday, is the whole concept of masking.

For me, some of my main difficulties are traits of Autism. My tendency to have an abnormal level of focus on my own thoughts over and above external reality causes me enormous difficulty in terms of public hostility and derision; people stare at me, laugh at me, make insulting comments about me being a "weirdo", and "not all there" etc. This has devastated my self confidence and self esteem because I have never understood the reasons why behind the whole thing until recently. I've not understood why I do it (until my Autism self diagnosis) or why society dislikes it so much.

When not under the influence of anything, I am unable to mask this behaviour, I can't help it when I do these things, and I do them just the same whether I am in public or alone. I may also detach from my emotions or my thoughts and zone out if I become over stressed or anxious, with the same result as above. I may also loose control of my emotions at the worst of times. I am aware of what is happening and how people are reacting, but I am usually completely unable to do anything to control these things that I do. I was under the impression until yesterday that I simply cannot mask, I just can't do it.

What masking means to me is to become more socially aware of what I need to avoid negative reactions, to fit in, and be accepted and even viewed positively and liked, to get out of my head, and into the world. And what I have found is that social lubricants like alcohol greatly enhance my ability to fit in harmoniously without negative reactions. People actually like me! It seems to me that this is definitely a case of masking, and that I can do it after all.

The positive re-reinforcement effect is very strong, in that I am able to mask or avoid or reduce the severity of these behaviours that cause me issues in many more situations. I still do get stressed and anxious and zone out / detach / shutdown/ whatever terminology you want to use, but it is usually much less severe, and it's only things that are way out of my comfort zone which cause this.

I am aware that this post may seem to seem like some kind of delusional self justification or rationalisation for the use of alcohol and medications that are potentially addictive. I am fully aware of this, and I can assure everyone that it is not. I have no use or desire for these things if I am going to be alone, or if it is not really important that I need to fit in and be accepted, and need an interaction to go well. If I'm going to be interacting with anyone where the outcome is not important and does not have any real consequences for me, I am learning not to care. It simply does not matter. Even this is a major step forward for me in terms of my social anxiety, and one I've only been able to take since my self diagnosis of Autism.

Maybe it's because of the stigma and that it is a bit of a taboo subject, but during all of my research so far I have not heard of anyone else with Autism using drink or medications to help them to fit in, or to assist with their masking behaviours, to use the terminology of Autism. But it has only just become very clear to me, that this is exactly what I am doing through my use of alcohol or other substances in the past.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Anyone else had or have similar experiences?

(Please feel free to PM me, if you're going through anything similar but are not comfortable discussing it in a public thread)

(Legal disclaimer - I have used benzodiazepines in the past when they were legally available in the form of legal highs. They helped me in a similar way as alcohol did))

I'm too reckless for alcohol.


Instead, alcohol is a social lubricant and an excuse for me when someone else is taking it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I can't drink alcohol because I'm on three prescriptions.

(Yes, you read that right!)

there are prescription meds that can help with anxiety. Look into autism and trauma topics, "fight, flight, freeze, fawn" and try to figure out some of the things that cause the most anxiety. Those may be able to be accommodated in new ways. See also posts and papers, videos and discussions about anxiety as related to autism. Alcohol is a "socially acceptable" way for many people to control their anxieties, but we all know it is not healthy to rely on it to excess. Getting help for anxiety, through meds, referral for therapy, or trying other ways that you can learn on your own (meditation, exercise, etc etc etc internet pages are full of suggestions). I have learned to change the way I do the things that cause the most anxiety for me. I don't do things that distress me just because somebody else wants me to do it. Sending best wishes.

I'm trying to get the docs to prescribe something to me that will work similar to alcohol, reducing anxiety, make me relax IDK.
Alcohol helped me back in the day, but I'm on a bit of a roads end with it. It doesn't quite do what it did, and it's not healthy for me.
I don't suffer from any illnesses or anything despite having been a heavy drinker for 30+ years, but I can see it coming if I don't find other ways.

/Mats

A few decades ago alcohol used to relax me and give me a bit of "Dutch courage," and there was a feeling of fitting in with society, most of whom seem to be semi-alcoholics. It also formed a convenient excuse if I started acting strangely. So the social lubricant thing was probably helpful. But it also tended to stop me from thinking clearly and staying sensitive to the feelings of others.

I used to play with magic mushrooms when they were legal and easy to get. I was well in with a small group of people who were also into that kind of thing, and for a while we'd indulge on Friday nights and we enjoyed it all a lot. I got a strong feeling that there was something in the reputation of psylocybin as an empathogen, and couldn't otherwise explain how I'd managed to do some of the nice social things I managed to do at the time, though in hindsight it might well have been all down to simple confidence, and however great those times might have been socially, I've no idea where any of those people are now, so it didn't give me any sustained friendships. I wouldn't say it helped me mask anything. I had no idea I had ASD in those days, and was much more trying to express myself honestly at the time than trying to hide anything.