Wish there was a diagram for social interactions

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It depends on the situation, but I've often been told by my husband that I tend to always take things the wrong way (that people say or do), and I even do it to him. I just wish there was some diagram or something that said:

"if person says "xyz" and they have this tone of voice or look like this, then it means THIS and best reaction is to do this.

Just overreacted at work, and told husband about it, and he said the person was probably joking and not to get upset with them. I often get this wrong and misread or react the wrong way (get upset or angry instead of laugh). You'd think by my age I'd have figured it out by now, but I can't ever seem to.

I wish people weren't so complicated, ugh. This is why I like animals, typically with them actions are more concrete and easy to figure out. I'm going to go hide in my room now.

There will always be a block in that diagram that says [unintelligible].

We are not meant to understand social interactions.

Do not even start to try to create such guidelines in your head. It is a waste of time. Believe me, I've tried for years and success rate of reacting "appropriately" to given behaviour has not really improved over "flying blind".

You can try to dissect human behaviour via branching statements all you want, but people aren't rational. You can give one person the same input at different times of day, with only slight alterations to their mood between these two points in time and get vastly different results.

Thing is, people aren't really complicated. They are unpredictable, because most of the time they do not operate with logic, do not process information in cohesive way (both at individual and society level) and are prone to mood swings which alter how they perceive behaviour of others. This may lead to vastly different outcomes. However, it is not that hard to predict these outcomes when you think about it - the hard part is determining which is the correct one, because there are always multiple possibilities.

NT-NT communication and interaction is also chaos because of this. I mean, look at all of drama people create in their lives for insanely stupid reasons, most of the time. It is not like we, AS people, are the only ones who have problems with the way NT people function. Everyone does have problem with it. We are simply in a bit worse position, but it is not like NTs have it easy.

Social interactions can be complicated. But not always.

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i had to become a hermit to get why hermits become hermits.

It's threads like these that make me question my diagnosis. Most social interaction doesn't baffle me at all. I understand the concepts behind the things people do socially, such as lying or banter, and I can't always get why Aspies object to it so much.

But according to my ADHD assessor and my therapist, I still have autism. I just sit on that fine line between "too NT to be autistic, too autistic to be NT", or in another words "socially smart enough to realise when I'm awkward, not socially smart enough to know how not to be awkward".

Ugh, there really should be a separate disorder for what I have. Maybe I have a disorder that hasn't been discovered yet. I should call it Joe90 syndrome. I'll be rich...

I wish there was too. What has been helping me is trying w/ all my might to wait to react to things. For me, my first impression of what someone's intentions are, is usually wrong, & if I just wait another 5-10 seconds, their true intentions appear. Usually the misunderstandings are happening from me because I jump itoo soon and don't let them finish. My hubby has been telling me this for years & I kept trying but didn't believe him. Then for some reason this past month or so,my brain let the slow down happen, and there has been MULTIPLE times where I wanted to say something & react but held my tongue,only to find out that I would have been wrong if I had spoken without waiting.

I'm sorry that you go through the confusion too.i wish it was natural for us to just "get it".If you ever do find one of those diagrams be sure to share it....LOL

Humans are animals

Your husband's interpretation of your description of the situation, not guaranteed to correct

Every situation different. Even situations that appear the same, are still different

Ten different people could make the same statement, with the same tone, and have the same appearance, and the least wrong reaction to each one, could be different

The speaker has one definition. All other definitions, misinterpretations

Autistics notoriously bad at interpreting nonverbal communication

Every reaction is:. Overreaction, equal, or under reaction.

There is no such thing as a "correct" reaction

Plenty of people might tell you that you overreacted

But just because they outnumbered and overpowered you, doesn't mean they are factually accurate

The solar system contains more defendant's (correctly or wrongly) convicted of murder, than Nobel prize winners. The activity with more participants, not always morally superior or factually accurate or better

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Based on your description, it seems to me like you are overthinking the entire situation

Social interactions are so difficult for me too. And not hurting other's feelings by being too honest.

I can't imagine you hurting people's feelings. I like to speak my mind, even if it hurts people's feelings in the process.

I can't be too honest. It's really difficult. How do you other Aspies do it? There's an instinct of knowing my boundaries when it comes to people's feelings.

The WP discussion thread 'Call For Video Clips To Encourage Social Skills!' in the 'Social Skills & Making Friends' Forum might be of interest regarding concrete guidance for social interactions!