IEP, I'm going to war

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I'm gearing up. I can't decide what to tell them, because I don't know what's going on. But I know it's my duty to stand up for myself, if they try to downplay my struggles. I don't want to go back to school. It's not like I just don't want to, it's that walking through those doors would instantly bring back all these terrible feelings. Then I won't even be myself anymore, and everything about my personality will be reversed.
I must prepare to communicate with the future me, so I wrote things down and I'm typing an official letter. But no matter what I do, I can't control it and it's like I can't control myself in public. I don't know how to explain it to them. Before I always went into these wars thinking I wasn't going anywhere dangerous and that no one would ever try to take advantage of me. But that turned out badly. I wasn't prepared for people's ignorance and assumed that everything would be fine.
I'm trying to arm myself with low expectations, but I can't help but feel like everything will be fine. I don't even know what I want them to do. I don't even know what to say, even if I remember what I was thinking, because school is a horrible place and it makes me feel extremely sad. Why are we even doing this? If they're going to try to give me extra time on assignments, that's not what I need at all. I need to get out, not stay longer. I need to leave and go somewhere where I am myself so I can return to the real me.
This didn't make any sense. What I'm saying is, homeschool isn't working for me and they want me to go back to normal school, but even the thought of those buildings makes me want to sink into a pit of awful memories and creepy little kids' things. So I feel like I'm going to war every time I enter a school and I wish someone would guide me on how to stay as myself and not be taken over.

What you are "going to war" about?

I hope you get to go back to school, and graduate from high school on time. I find it very important that you don't keep yourself too far behind. That will make it harder to catch up.

You seem like a very smart person. I really want you not to fall behind.

Have you ever heard of Sisyphus?

Do they have such things as half day programs in the US?

What I'm trying to say is that I need to get an individualized education plan (IEP) and it feels like I'm going to war to get it, because I will have to advocate for myself because the school likes to ignore me. So I'm gearing up.
Also, I looked up Sisyphus. He keeps pushing the rock even when it falls down, so is this symbolism that I should keep going and not give up?

I would want to do something like that, ideally, but there isn't something like that near me. Me and my mom are going to see if we can arrange something with the school to where I only go for a few classes and do the rest at home, but we're not sure if the school is willing to do that.

With Sisyphus, I was speaking more about how you shouldn't get too far behind. But "not giving up" works well, too.

I feel like it's important that you don't get too far behind in your studies.

Wishing you well. I recently "went to war" in a toxic work environment. I gained skills, however it was not resolved to my satisfaction. Many sensitive types (like me) flourish in supportive environments and crash and burn otherwise. Moderation? Nah. (orchid vs dandelion)

I hope you have a few great teachers. As you may know that can make all the difference. In college I was undiagnosed but thankfully had teachers who responded to my pleas (for more time, for test retakes, etc.) I wish you had a school near you with a good social-emotional program (indicates a better school culture). Good luck.

So I saw this thread and thought "IEP - school - going to war; that sounds accurate" Heh

Typically when trying to get an IEP a couple things are helpful. A evaluation is typically done, someone just has to do various tests and stuff. And if you can get various professionals there to help back you up with your needs (like a therapist who understands your struggles) they can be helpful simply in helping you communicate with the school.

I was in an alternative program for highschool and I was able to graduate because of that. But it still had it's issues. Most likely you are just going to have to 'tough it out' for some cases. Though I hope you have a better time tha my experience.

Are you saying that you are worried about going into a shut down or something else?

I have been to many IEP meetings. Keep us posted - we may have some helpful advice once you get some idea of the players and what you want to ask for and what they want to offer.

I hope you get the IEP done. My "normal" school years from the ages of 12 to 18 were peppered with horrible experiences. At the time nobody knew of anything that was "wrong" with me so it was either stay with it or drop out of education completely, and if I'd tried that then I think they'd have just caught me and bundled me back again, and of course my later life without any qualifications would have been every bit as horrible. So I had little choice but to carry on. It didn't kill me, but it did rather blight my teenage years.