Anger Management

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Hello,

First of all: I am not sure if this is the right topic to discuss my issue and to helpfully come to some conclusion. Feel free to move the post or to close it and advise me regarding the proper place for this post.

I am male, 30 years old, and have anger management problems. I am angered quite easily and become more of a howling monkey and less of a human because of it. Since I live very sheltered (out of my own volition) and have a home office job this issue doesn't present itself that much, mostly because there isn't much opportunity.

Recently some kids from my village decided to do some doorbell-pranks, which, by itself, isn't much of an offence in any regard. They, however, escalated the doorbell-pranks to the point that they ring doors multiple times per day and per house in the neighborhood.

Since my parents, which live in the same house as I do, and a lot of our neighbors are either elderly or have medical issues that restrict their movement, it's rather cruel to let them go to the door multiple times per day. This has also be explained to one of the children through my grandfather, who also lives with my family.

I am quite protective of my family and somewhat angry over this. But not to the degree that would justify my behaviour regarding said kids. I understand this logically and am the first to admit so.

At some point I was expecting a pizza delivery and opened the door just to see the same kids as always running away and laughing their asses of, which made me snap. I run after them swearing and behaving like a possessed demon. Despite my threatening behavior, however, I simply wished to aprehend one of the kids and try to explain to them the undue physical stress they inflict upon my parents and the neighborhood. This, however, was in no way reflected in the way I behaved, which I do aknowledge as well. At the end I did not catch any of the kids but managed to scrap my knee quite badly. Deservedly so, probably.

After some self-reflection and actual self-loathing due to my poor anger management, I decided to capture the kids on film the next day in order to a) prevent this whole mess from repeating itself and b) keep my parents from overxerting themselves. This backfired completely. I did manage to get to the door fast, but didn't get any good video. For any rational non-angry human being the story would end at this point. I, however, became angry again. Kids are usually, which is meant as a lack of experience and not as an insult, quite stupid and do not understand consequences in a reasonable fashion. So they run away and provoked me from a supposedly safe distance. So I followed them through the whole village. At this point I was pure anger. I, thankfully, would have done nothing but a stern talk if I would have catched one of the kids, but that's besides the point.

I was somewhat sure that the kids would either run to their older siblings or their parents, so I was somewhat afraid that they would become agressive towards me in turn or even draw a weapon. In order to defend myself i pocketed a stone from the road in a moment of clarity. They did, indeed run to a parent. In my heightened state of agression any reasonable talk wasn't possible and the father of one of the kids began to threaten me at which point I took the stone out to protect myself. This, of course, did not calm the father down. I was thankfully able to remove myself from the situation.

After I calmed myself down I phoned my own father, who could convincingly describe the situation at hand, and went to the father of the child. After we properly discussed the problem the situation was resolved and the children vovew to refrain themselves from proceeding with their constant doorbell-ringing.

I understand that my behavior was socially unacceptable, inadequate for this type of situation and potentially dangerous for myself since one could easily regard me as a threat towards other people if I'm in a state of heightened agression, since my intentions are not reflected by my behavior.

I strongly suspect that I'm on the autistic spectrum due to a variety of reasons. I once had a few conversations with a therapist who suspected this as well. I also have also had a lot of bad experiences with mobbing, which might also contribute to me being easily provoked.

Did anyone here had or has a similar issue? Are there methods you can apply in order to prevent anger-outbursts like this? Is there any link between this type of anger and autism or any other psychological divergence? Any tipps in order to prevent future outbursts would be very much appreciated.

I would have been hopping mad too, glad your story had a positive outcome.

I know that occupational therapists and some others sometimes specialize in anger management techniques, where one can learn new tools to recognize and direct anger in healthy ways.

I have heard that bio feedback can help with this as well.

If you have a GP, is it possible to get a referral to a professional or a support group which deal in helping those with struggles with anger? Sending best wishes, I know many people struggle with this and it is sometimes a "hidden (shhhh don't tell) think in many groups. Kudos for speaking out and what a relief to know we are not alone with our struggles.

Anger like frustration and disappointment come from conflict between what is expected and what actually happens. Asperger neurology can amplify this such that anger can quickly cascade into a meltdown.

Getting better at anticipating what will go wrong can help. However, I found that if I absented myself upon a meltdown so that I could have time to recover, it made things much more manageable.

I'd have felt much the same way. I hate kids that deliberately wind people up, and I feel that they deserved worse than you gave them, though of course it's very important to be practical and act wisely, which is always harder when feelings are strong. Dad used to say that the law wouldn't defend his rights but wouldn't let him do the job himself either. He actually used to put deadly traps on his allotment to fight back against the teenagers who tried to vandalise the place. It took a long time to persuade him that if ever any of his traps worked, he could be in very serious trouble.

Anyway, it looks like you got it sorted out, and your initial behaviour was more wacky than bad, and quite understandable considering the situation, though not everybody would understand. I don't have any advice except to try to be careful.

I am sorry to hear that you have suffered stress from the kids in the neighborhood.

I am not sure that I can offer any advice except the following.
At this point, the children have not done any physical damage. So let it ride.
You can turn off your doorbell and live without it for a few months until the children have moved on to other childhood pranks. I would probably advise you to not leave the house, if the children are causing minor problems. Just let it slide.

But if their pranks become more destructive, you may have to deal with it. And you will be forced to seek some kind of solution. Just saying that I might have Aspergers or that you are autistic probably will not be a credible response if you have no evidence to back that claim up. Also remember that any attack on young children, whether it is real or the appearance of real can cause you severe consequences.

Now it is story time.
Around 40 years ago, I moved into the countryside and built a house. I built a beautiful mailbox and put it in front of my driveway. It was a beautiful mailbox and handmade. In less than a years time, it was totally destroyed. Some kids drove by in the middle of the night and destroyed it with a baseball bat and drove off in the dark of night. I put up another mailbox and it too got destroyed. I heard about someone in the neighborhood who had a strong mailbox, so I went to see him. It was a mailbox that he actually built himself. The sides of the mailbox were 1/4 inch steal and was almost indestructible. So I asked him to build me one and he agreed and I paid him for it. My mailbox is still there. Around once every ten years or so, some of the teenage kids in the neighborhood will drive by in the dark of night and attack it. I will find the pieces of broken baseball bat along the road the next morning.

One of the interesting things is that my mailbox not only protects my mailbox but almost all the other mailboxes down the road. This is because the wood somehow goes out. DON'T ATTACK THIS STREET.

^
Nice story, Jimmy. I particularly like the fact that it broke the hooligan's baseball bat.

Dad got sick of youths overturning his 3-wheeler car which was parked on the road, so he sank an anchor bolt into the ground and used it to inconspicuously chain the car to the road on high-risk nights (Fridays and Saturdays). It worked.