Triggered by patronising advice from others?

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I have only just become aware that I am very triggered by being treated like I know nothing, and I need to set adamant boundaries regarding wanting people to stop with advice which I perceive to be patronising.

I have just blown up at my father for this during this last week because I feel like he gives me zero credit for having any initiative or resourcefulness, due to the way he spoon feeds me with advice like I am a simple minded helpless invalid or something. I get triggered so badly by it.. I do hope he can begin to understand and learn to modify the way he does things a bit or it could damage our relationship.

I wonder if this issue is an Autistic trait to be so triggered by this, I have not seen anyone else mention this previously. Does anyone else have this trigger? How do you deal with it?

I think part of the problem for me is that I have not been able to communicate any of the above in a tactful or emotionally intelligent way, and so have waited until things became unbearable before exploding in a fit of irritation!

There are times when people offering advice actually have good intentions. But I wouldn’t like to be “spoon-fed” as if I’m a ret*d. I can relate…..because this sometimes happens to me.

It doesn’t sound like you’re doing all that badly. You’re adapting yourself to your situation, rather than sitting back and doing nothing (like I sometimes do).

I’ve been to Manchester once. My wife’s son once lived in Salford. The trams in the CBD are interesting. We went to a play there, and I went to some museum having to do with Manchester history.

Yes, I think my father does have good intentions, and it's possible that his patronising way of explaining things may be due to problems of his own that he can't help or change. I'll have to see how this pans out, and hopefully learn to be less triggered in the meantime. I guess I can't expect people to suddenly be able to change just because I've finally been able to communicate my own boundaries and issues. It's a tricky one to try to navigate.

Manchester isn't a bad place to live, there's always a lot going on, and it has been rejuvenated a hell of a lot over the last couple of decades. New York is actually top of my list for the next place I want to visit once international travel opens back up again (without all of the complicated and difficult to follow Covid rules). I like travelling but it does cause me a lot of anxiety at the same time. I fear the sensory overload and the complete newness of New York, from my perspective at least, may be a lot for me to deal with, but hopefully I can figure out a way of breaking my trip down into manageable chunks.

I have the same frustrations with mom and have tried to see it from their side. For all your childhood, they spoon feed us advice and this gave them joy. Then we grew up, stopped asking for guidance and they have a hard time giving up or letting go. I’m in the process of deciding if it’s worth the discussion and asking her to be more considerate of me. Most the time, I just do the breathing exercises and let it go. I think my NT sisters still ask for guidance while I don’t, if I did then it would feel fake for me and that is not a option.

Unless you’re coming around a holiday, or take the subway during rush hour, I don’t sense you will experience much sensory difficulty in NYC. Especially since CBD Manchester is a pretty urban place.

I recommend coming during the spring or fall. It’s too hot in the summer. We do have some nice, sunny winter days in NYC.

Adults on the autism spectrum may be prone to anger, which can be made worse by difficulty in communicating feelings of disturbance, anxiety or distress.

Anger may be a common reaction experienced when coming to terms with problems in employment, relationships, friendships and other areas in life affected by autism or Asperger's syndrome. There can be an ‘on-off’ quality to this anger, where the individual may be calm minutes later after an angry outburst, while those around are stunned and may feel hurt or shocked for hours, if not days, afterwards. Family members and partners often struggle to understand these angry outbursts, with resentment and bitterness often building up over time. Once they understand that their loved one has trouble controlling their anger or understanding its effects on others, they can often begin to respond in ways that will help to manage these outbursts.

Link: ANGER & AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS

Stress in Aspies can accumulate. It can build up in pieces into your body and then you can reach a point where one minor thing can cause you to explode.
Normal people usually have a way of venting this stress energy so that it never becomes a significant problem.
In order to remove stored stress energy from your body, it needs to be vigorous exercise.

Exercise in almost any form can act as a stress reliever. Being active can boost your feel-good endorphins and distract you from daily worries.

Exercise and stress: Get moving to manage stress

This is one of the tools that most non-Aspies use to cope with stress.