babybird wrote:
CrazyEspy wrote:
With me psychosis, PTSD, and autism in certain environments actually turn into a 3 headed dragon. I'm not able to distinguish one thing going on from another, my mind and nervous system just starts freaking out and it takes a lot of conscious control to at least keep myself stable enough to finish what I'm doing. This happens a lot at work but luckily I've only come close to needing to be sent home once and it was a time where I was already under an extreme amount of stress. Psychosis is scary because I will be completely aware of what is and isn't a delusion yet at the same time it consumes my entire perspective and my body will start acting as if everyone is a threat, I try not to look at anyone too long or that paranoia gets so intense that my speech and motor functions break down that are already fragile to begin with. It can also be triggered by environmental changes that are too drastic but with me there is always an element of PTSD involved from things that happened growing and up and continued mistreatment. On it's own though like for example going outside and the sensory environment changes from warm and comfortable to cold and hostile it tends to manifest in really ridiculous ways mentally. People tend to think that hallucinations are the main show of it, they are not at all, it's the feelings and fight for control that really bring one down. Even an experienced schizophrenic like me has a lot of trouble managing when the conditions are right.
You just explained exactly what happens to me.
At least someone out there can relate so accurately, I don't think extremes like this are too common even among the folks at the cross section that had some sort of prolonged, severe abuse. For me mostly violence and an unstable situation made worse by ordinary social rejection and assumptions about me by peers since I could never function very well, there was a real dog pile of factors but it's mostly backed by twisted violent situations that were very unpredictable.
There is also one thing I forgot to mention if you can also relate was the under current of aggression, usually that really acts up when I'm out of the main environment and I get to go home but I see people displaying the same traits of my abuser (1 is still here that makes this much worse) and what led to bad situations (extreme passive aggression, obviously "fake nice" tone backed by agitation, sudden aggressive movements if they're upset at something). Half of me will feel normal out of the main strike zone of what happened and the other half is preparing to fight with extreme paranoia and tension. Usually I just try to minimize my presence and close the door to my room so I don't need to look over my shoulder every 2 minutes. This is also why being near a forest and Summer is so important to me, I have more freedom to be own away from everyone to reset my mind and body easier.
22 Apr 2022, 10:39 am
