My mild depression

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I have mild depression, because in elementary school, I have been bullied and called "Stupid", "Loser" and "Idiot" for having Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Learning Disorder Unspecified. I once believed my bullies and quite learning all together, and thought to myself as "ret*d" for a long time until now.

I hope it's not too late for me to learn math as I am 21 years old, I was just so frustrated and quiet, I was afraid of being called "ret*d" for not learning like my peers. I am sorry for using R-slur, I am just not feeling well.

I had trouble with math in school, especially one year, I just did. not. get. it. But last year I went and started over again with the stuff that had stumped me, and I got it! There was just this little part I had missed, and once I learned that, it all clicked! I'll never be a math genius, but it was really reassuring to finally conquer that chapter, 20+ years later.

You can do it, Franz. You're clearly a bright young man and I have faith in you.

Also, remember that there are multiple different ways to learn math--different textbooks have different teaching styles, and some people enjoy YouTube videos about math, so look around for the materials that are best for you.

Thank you!

It is unfortunate that we human beings are influenced by what other people say. You were made to falsely believe that you were stupid etc by those who bullied you in your earlier life. Believing that you were stupid, you lost the motivation to make efforts because you didn't believe that it would work because you weren't good enough. That's a vicious cycle.

Don't be fooled by those who are happy to destroy your life. You are a bright young man who has a lot of potentials. You first need to recognize that you are actually no worse than others and possibly better than others. When you believe in yourself, you'll naturally feel motivated. This is a positive cycle. You are still at the beginning of your life. Nowadays I see people in their 40's and 50's studying to change their career.

As Pteranomom mentioned, different styles of learning suit different people. So just remember, if a certain way of learning doesn't work and you feel you are not good enough, it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't have the ability. It's likely that you need a different learning style. I have experienced myself the significantly varying effectiveness of different learning styles. Also, choose something that you are interested in as your career because then you will naturally be motivated. It will make things a lot easier.

My depression feels chronic, it's not like I can change overnight, I need more time to improve. But, I agree. Thank you!

I remember in Junior High School being called those terms every day for three years. But I didn't believe them. They had a graduation party at the end of the 8th grade. I decided not to attend. During the ceremony, they voted me as
LEAST LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
But then I went onto high school. At the end of those four years, I had grown and evolved. And my life and knowledge grew like a rocket ship.
I attended my 50th year class reunion several years ago. I spoke to one of my classmates. He told me that during my high school years, I was known as THE CLASS GENIUS.

In life it is sometimes important to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and forget what others call you. YOU ARE YOU and YOU ARE UNIQUE AND SPECIAL.

Thank you! I am sorry that I had this delusion after what bullies told me, I needed time to get out of that delusion and believe in myself.

I'm 38, and recently stumbled into game development for non-game applications (i.e., educational etc., But using video game engines).I had next to no coding experience, and until recently didn't even know the kind of maths I was learning to get the job done was called linear algebra.
Now I know what matrix transformations do.
What I needed to understand linear algebra was a practical application and visual feedback to what my operations were doing.
The last time I had to do any math, before that, was in high school. So... I'm sure under the right conditions, you'll be able to pick up what you need. Now, or in twenty years

Thank you!

I was depressed from age 8 until near 40. In my mid 30s I started wondering that I wasn't really depressive, that it was circumstantial. In my late 40s it was confirmed that untreated anxiety was the primary factor all along. Good luck in your self-exploration.

Thank you!

did other kids call you ret*d? Just mentioning it because I got that a lot...it wasn't fair and I get how annoying that is when its not even slightly the case. I mean may not be super politically correct but sometimes think life would be easier if I was actually ret*d cause then people would want to help with it.
Idk some of my depression is from getting called ret*d all the time even though I was just different but, idk kids can be mean.

As much that R-slur is offensive, we should be allowed to use it freely to express our feelings and how were bullied in the past. We shouldn't police state the R-slur, unless you are using it to piss people off.

I kind of agree...like anymore I just use ret*d to like joke about some of my autism problems. I'd never use the word to like insult someone who may actually have intellectual disabilities. It is just funny for me personally to take back a word people called me so they don't have power over it anymore.

With great power comes with great responsibility.

You can say it to people who have milder form of Intellectual Disability, but as long they don't get offended.

Thank you! It's kind of too late, because I was depressed about for a long time and it feels chronic. I can fix myself, but it will take time.

I sometimes fantasize about calling 911, because I meet all the diagnostic criteria for Depressive Disorder of some kind. I know that my mental health crisis is mild, but depression is a very serious mental disorder. I also have Bipolar Disorder and it makes my bullied past depression mixture even worse.

Basically I am also admitting asking my worth of living anymore.

I know what I said is too broad, I am trying to sugarcoat what I am experiencing, because if anyone will understand the context of what I am trying to say, someone could call the police to talk to me about my depression, and I don't want to go to mental hospital. I do well in school and don't show serious behavior issues. I don't want to take too many medications, and all I want is talk therapy of this type of depression I have. I am high-functioning.