im convinced my autism made me a freak with obsessions

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so i had a fairly normal childhood but around age 10, i stopped being able to sleep and got paranoid with the idea of growing tall, which i did research and got worried my growth would be stunted if i didnt sleep and eat alot, so everything i did from ages 10-16 was so that i could sleep and grow tall, even checking my height a few times a day and getting upset at the results. I even had to sleep in a parents bed till 12 as i was so scared. Can someone tell me if anyone else can relate to the worry that their growth was being stunted and that their life would be ruined if it was stunted? thank you. I also got angry at 17-18 because i was worried that my growth had been stunted and that my chin was too small and ugly which i told my therapist and he said i showed signs of autism. what does everyone here think.

I can't say I've had that worry. I've never been self-conscious over looks. It's not because I'm on the taller side or anything else either, as I don't care about the looks of others. How people behave is the important thing to me.

I was worried about home invasions by bad guys as a little kid. I'd often sleep on the floor of my parents' bedroom due to this fear. I knew they'd protect me, my father loudly and my mother shielding me. I'd say prayers every night for god to keep them safe, to watch over them.

Pretty much all of us have obsessions.

I was also worried about home invasions as a kid. I was afraid they'd come through the windows. I tried to avoid the windows by running fast through the house and was only really happy in the bathroom, which had no windows.

I only stopped being afraid of windows when I moved out at 18.

So could this whole growth and development obsession not be as weird as it seems in my head to be? I feel like a freak because of it guys

anyone got any advice?

All I can say is that the worry fades with age

did you worry alot at 18 too?

yeah I had massive crippling anxiety about homework not handed in. That type of thing.

huge anxiety about going around people my age when I was 15 as I had so many bad experiences with people of that age.

Just as your fear of windows faded, my irrational fears faded mostly. I still have residual anxieties.

I had some weird ones when I was younger. One was that I was sure that I would die if I stopped pondering my own death (there was an element of magical thinking to this.) Also, thinking people would take me for a boy if I didn't go overboard presenting myself as a girl. And an irrational fear that I would *turn into* a boy.

what age were these magical thinking ones present in? ive had some magical thinking ones too that have brought me great anxiety

The magical thinking one gradually faded away in my 20s.

Contemplating mortality, hasn't faded away. I wear skull jewelry all the time, people buy me so much skull stuff, and I find memento mori and funeral related stuff comforting and soft

have you ever used any drugs? i fear i ruined my life and brain on drugs (i am 18 now) some magical thinking ones i had involved being obsessed with my height, growth and development and being convinced if i slept a certain way my face would change.

I only used weed and at that age, not that much. It's in my 40s that I'm a giant stoner.

Were you convinced or did you have intrusive thinking? For me, the weird thoughts I had were more like intrusive thoughts than something I was convinced of 24/7. Eventually, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped it a bit. Just fyi though that if you're a masked autist and being given CBT that you're not being gaslit out of trusting in your own lived experience. Which is what a lot of therapeutic help from people who don't believe I'm autistic, is like.

i ruined my life and used meth at 17. i am 18 now and off of it but i feel suicidal most days and i dont know what to do

Could you try St.John's wort instead? Thats what I use.
Although when I first stated taking it I was zombified and it was dangerous for me to cook food.

I had some magical thinking, I noticed that only unexpected things used to happen to me, so I tried to 'game the system' by trying to force myself to expect bad things to happen so something good would happen
I had to give that up as it would drive me insane

Does this whole obsession over growth and development not sound that weird to you as I think it sounds to me?