Past regrets

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I'm in college now, and as I'm getting older and more mature, I start to regret most of the things I've done throughout my life and last summer. In my first year of college, I was still contemplating over my bad years of high school; back in high school, A few kids made fun of autistic people; some kids would call those kids who didn't seem right, "f*****g autistic," I'm sorry, Their words, not mine. Then some kids invited me out, and I thought I would have friends, But I was sure wrong. During that first college year, I was kind of isolated and mainly avoided any and everyone. When I went home that summer, I made some mildly immature choices. I acted as if nothing bothered me, from taking my brother's skateboard and playing with it, Even when I was home alone one weekend, to spending money on ridiculous things to having a crappy attitude towards people. This month, All those past decisions are now bothering me. I always felt like no one understood me; they all assumed I was just like everyone else. I fear that my family would be mad at me. I want to forget who I once was and move on with my life. That's why I'm dedicating my sophomore year to improving my relationships, and many mildly bad habits that I didn't know were bad. How can I overcome these past life errors and finally be at peace with my past so I can finally have the chance to change my life truly?

playing with your brothers skateboard and spending money on silly things,

I dont know if anyone can come back from that

What Klanka is saying, basically, is that you haven't done anything majorly "bad," from what you've written.

You didn't kill anybody. You didn't rape anybody. You didn't physically or emotionally harm anybody.

Forgive yourself, and move on from your youth.

You must have done something "right." You're in a film crew for PBS. I can never achieve that.

Do not try and be what other people think you should be. Be who you are.

Just be yourself. That's what I do. I be myself and accept myself the way that I am. I set the bar very low for myself, so I can do the things I want and still get away with it.

I don't fear people not forgiving me.
I fear me not forgiving myself.

Try not to be hard on yourself.
I know it's easier said than done.

Make your amends to yourself and others, then try to let it go.

Yeah, it grinds.

I highly recommend living without regrets. Remain in the present and live for future.

I own every turn of my fate and every bad decision I ever made. I have blown more opportunities than any one man has the right to expect in his lifetime. I do not blame my parents, my teachers, my coaches, my brothers, my wife, my ex-wife, my employers for any my life's problems. It is a useless waste of psychological and spiritual energy. Even in my worst times, and I have lost everything and been to hell and back, I was never bitter at the world (depressed, self-loathful, but never bitter). It is actually quite liberating.

Sometimes though your regrets can come back to haunt you or can have an affect on your present or future. I think my biggest regret is being a challenging problem child to my mum and I brought her so much stress that she got ill and now she's gone, so I feel that thought is going to live with me forever. Whenever people say "stress causes cancer" it makes me hate my brain for being wired wrong and making me a challenged child, adolescent and younger adult. If I was normal like all my cousins would my mum have lived?