Mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore

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*Sigh*

Every time I look at my life, I see a dichotomy. I'm smart, some say I'm good looking and I'm ambitious....

At the same time, everything falls apart for me socially, to the point where I am slow to accept people, and where if I'm in a large group of people, I start trying to scare them away.

I feel as though I've been robbed of a future and how my potential will never be realized just because of this damned disorder. It feels frustrating that I will probably never be the hot shot businessman I've always wanted to be, even though I love the business world and I love learning about finance, to the point where I would obsessivley look at the stock reports on TV, even though I do not own any stocks.

At the same time, I know something like that will roast me alive, and it makes me angry at myself and at others who think I'm too weird to socialize with them.

Come to think of it, why do they get so freaked out over dumbest things anyways? So what if somebody doesn't look you in the eye when they talk? Lots of other cultures don't look people in the eyes when they communicate. So what if I'm dressed a little bit odd. So bleeping what?

Anyways, my rant's over.

lol, I get frustrated over the appearance thing as well. I find it somewhat humorous how it works, even though I don't understand it. General observation, SOME people just prefer talking to people they find appealing to the eye, and of course, I guess clothing falls into that.

You can be the smartest person in the world, you could have the answer to everything they could ever want to know, and they will refuse to talk to you because you are wearing a dress and sneakers or something of that sort. Yet, they will talk and carry on the most pointless conversations, walk around blindly, make comments about others, and so on with someone who dresses in an "appealing" fashion to them. I tend to have very few friends due to this actually.

I have actually been asked before to stop rocking, or to dress differently, simply because someone gets bored with the way I dress, or they are embarrassed by the way I walk or stand, etc., when they are around others that they know are quick to judge. I do tend to worry a little about what people think about me, but not to the extent that it really causes me any embarrassment, it just makes me feel awkward at times. I don't really understand how someone can really feel embarrassed to be around someone who is comfortable enough with themselves to really not care what others think.

I just don't care anymore, now people think I am cool because I don't care.

I hate to see a good rant go unacknowledged!

My therapist tells me it's all about choices. I can't choose to be antisocial and successful in a job that requires socializing. Which do I want more? Well, I'll decide, I guess.

As for life in general, I don't dress like others and don't care. Other people can take me for who I am or go away.

If you really want a few tools to help you with the work you want to do, see a therapist. You can learn the skills that will help you make it in the NT world. But you don't have to become one of them to od it.

It seems to me that the biggest downside of aspergers is other people's reaction to it... I get along just fine on my own, but other people who want me to be different make life difficult for me...

well, screw other people!

trying to communicate with normal people can be frustrating and getting their approval isnt really worth it if it means sacrificing the real you.

Sympathies man, reading through your post it looked like something I would write in my diary twenty or thirty years ago. Living with AS can be damn hard because we think differently to the common herd and because of that we stand out. It does get better, in time you will find your niche and the social skills will come. Just don't expect instant success.

I'm not sure what your friends situation is like but there's one thing which might help (my girlfriend still does this). Arrange a code between you so that when you do something which is a little outside the norm they either tell you straight off or give a secret signal such as scratching the back of their head. Hopefully this will in time stop you scaring folk away.

Ed Almos

Howdy

I recommend making an intellectual task out of social situations. Study, list, and categorize approaches and items that work, cross reference them, make it all a learning experience.

I've worked on it for the last several years, and I can now usually successfully bluff my way through most social situations. People at work even believe I'm friendly and nice, because I can fake it the few times a month we interact heavily.

Note that this doesn't work for long-term relationships, something I've found out after many years of frustration. But for business, it works great. Doubly so if, like me, you work in a sales oriented environment, where they're used to people sounding a little fake.