Being an outcast, and how to deal with it

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I bet you clicked on here thinking that I would give you some ideas on how to deal with it. Sorry to dissapoint you but its actually me asking you guys..
Im an outcast to my family (I just sort of exist at home, being the chore boy and being bossed around/told that Im never good enough) and my not so immediate family.. Ive always felt so out of place when Im around them, and theyve always treated me like I was different, and I hate that.
Im an outcast online usually too, no matter how much in common I have with the people Im chatting with they always misunderstand me and either get put off by me or ignore me. (I guess not here though)
Ive never really had any friends, and if I ever sort of do it never lasts very long at all. I only had some relationships with girls because they were attracted to me physically and then they dumped me cause of my AS (I dont tell them I have it they just misunderstand me)
Im also always the outcast in the job environment. I once heard someone say "He sucks at what he does and hes so miserable he tries to make everyone else around him miserable" and even in one job they actually mocked me using a ret*d voice. Im not even f*****g stupid and Im probably a lot smarter than they are! How can people be such as*holes??
How am I supposed to deal with this s**t.. All I need is for people to just be a little patient with me and thats all.. I think.. I just dont know what to do.. How to make people understand.. How to deal with it when they dont etc..

Well, I go through something similar to you. My parents make fun of my social skills and stuff, and I only have 1 or 2 friends. It doesn't really bother me consciously, so I don't know how to give you advice since I never really found methods to deal with it. However, it probably effects me subconsciously because I now have no interest in getting married after seeing my parents fight a lot and I don't trust women because of the way my step-mom has treated me. I hope you do find some advice though.

I think this is the major issue with AS and if we could solve it then there would be little need for this website, many if not most wouldn't be on antidepressants etc., and even possibly AS would not have been discovered and researched because we would fit in with NTs!

I have, do and sadly accept I will always have a problem with this. I move jobs every 1-2 years always hoping it will be better but no matter how good things start off it always ends up I feel I am on the outside (even with telling people I have AS and explaining the problems and telling them I want to be a part of the group and not isolated and them acknowledging and accepting this).

I am hoping that when I move to Dublin next year I can join up with the AS group meetings and maybe find some friends.

I am trying to find things to enjoy in life that do not need the participation or approval of other people, such as nature, reading, films etc and just appreciate being alive.

I also want to try and change the way I interact with people - at the moment I am quiet and trying not to offend and am afforded little respect or notice and thought of as miserable and stupid. I want to see what happens if I change to be more assertive and to 'push myself on people' more, go sit with people without invite, join in conversations without waiting to be asked something etc. Perhaps then I won't feel so lonely, this may annoy people but I have nothing to loose I think as the present situation is not working either.

Dublin? Wheres that?

lol

...

It's the capitol city of the Republic of Ireland but I think there is a Dublin, Ohio in the US and probably loads of other dublins scattered round the world!

Well I am an American.. How can you expect me to know where anything is rofl...

You remind me of another very close online friend I had (we split up because of differences and went our separate ways). He would do the ... thing too.


The only way to deal with something as un-stimulating as being an outcast is to stimulate yourself, extremely. The main way to do that is making friends... no surprise we're all popping pills. But we have each other. And we all NEED to meet each other. For MEDICAL reasons, for Pete's sake! We should get companies to donate for some Aspergian centre somewhere... we should start a charity... I'll start a thread about it later today when I have time, or maybe one of you can right now. Username88, you have me and I have you; you can spill your guts to me in PMs.

Well Im glad your there for me Ana54, so far youve been the best friend Ive ever had!

I've had four other very good online friends, who talked like you and me did (all seemed NT)... they proved to be different from me after all, especially two of them. One I might get back in contact with, but he lives in Rochester, New York and I live in Edmonton, Alberta, and he's busy becoming a computer programmer. You've been the best friend I've ever had too. Maybe you and me, and Cervantes (who also lives in Edmonton) and Pugly (who might be coming to Edmonton) and my computer programmer friend and his friends in Rochester (one of them was also my very good online friend and others were online friends of mine too) can all get together.

There are alot of Irish people in America

username88, sorry that you feel like such an outcast. I feel the same way with my relatives and used to be left out at school- but I always had my immediate family. People have thought me to be special ed( even though I am in average and honors classes), but they have never been as rude and disrespectful towards me as they have to you. Now most people accept me for who I am, but there are still a few people who treat me like an outsider.My advice to you: if there is someone in your workplace who is also seen as an outsider or someone who treats you well, despite what others say about you, invite him/her over for coffee. Social skills often improve with experience. Your wish for people to understand you is understandable, so if they still misunderstand you that's their problem. They have no right to mock you just because you are different.

I agree with you, and I strongly encourage you to change in order to be more assertive, if you feel you´re able to of course , cos it will make a huge change in they way you´re perceived, eventhough it might take you a while to do so, just takes practice, believe me..

In an "aspie style" (hope you dont mind me to do so), i´m going to say what most people (NT mainly i guess) really feel in a social context (but hardly ever say..)so that it might give you a hint on what it is expected of you in that sort of situation.(just for those of you who care about it, as I know many aspies dont.)

People in a relationship, whether it be friendship or marriage, or any other kind, expect reciprocity regarding communication, meaning that if I let you know what my opinions are about whatever important topic we´re discussing (love, things you like or dislike, personality-wise..), you must do the same in turn. Otherwise, if you fail (over and over) to be opened (due to introversion or AS...) saying what you think, what your opinions are, then, at the end of the day they will get suspicious of you, and uncomfortable with you, cos it would seem like you dont want their friendship, since you´re not being reciprocate with them. (suspicious, as if you were a spy, if you know what I mean)
Not sure if this make sense in english really, sorry.
That´s the reason why most people like assertiveness, people who speak their minds out so everyone knows what side are you, opinions, personality-wise..etc.

Its funny you say : " this may annoy people", on the contrary!, that´s what everyone expects of others, being assertive, joining conversations without waiting to be asked..now think about it for a sec:
Given a social situation, having a drink at someones house with a group of mates, why would anyone have to ask you a question in order for you to speak?, bear in mind it is not a class, its a party, there is no authority who has to give you the right to speak, everyone is just the same, democracy (although there is always someone who thinks himself as a leader,or interrupts others..), and the more you talk, the more chances you´ll get to be heard.

Its hard to explain but, just think that in a social situation like that one, people is relaxed, "not working"so no one wants to be "in charge" of having to ask the introverted person questions cos it seems like a job(it feels like a burden, or you just forget, cos its not your responsibility as if he/she was your son) so it sometimes can be tiresome and annoying, or you just simply forget about that person (become unnoticed since he/she never talks), cos you´re busier thinking what you´re gonna say and listening to what others have to say when they´re talking.
Its just a natural thing that happens, but the introverted one misinterpret everyone´s reactions as being nasty with him, ignoring him, when its pretty much the opposite----it´s him/her who is ignoring the rest by not participating.

I´ve realized it cos i used to be introverted when little, not anymore, that whenever people would not ask me as it always happened after a while, then I would perceive as if those people didnt like me at all, or ignored me, so the more i felt so, the more introverted or quieter i would turn.
Its amazing how wrong I was and how I see things so different now. I then changed while in my teens, [u]slow and hard process, but worth it[/u], and I´m not afraid of speaking up, talking whenever i feel i want to say somthing and realize thats what everyone expects of you!.

Im always the one who helps shy people out when we´re in a group in order to ask their opinion, i guess cos "I´ve been there" and appreciated someone helping, but after a while, i get excited with the conversation or talking with someone else and thinking what im gonna say, so i end up forgetting about the shy one, afterall, as i said, its a relaxing time, and since i have no responsibilities, especially not being a close relative i have to help, i just forget about him/her.

This is in my opinion what some aspies and people in the spectrum happen to suffer, because of their "inability of taking the initiative". Many aspies, however, cos i know quite a few, at least in Spain, dont have that kind of problems but the oppossite, just dont dont know when to stop talking about a certain topic they really enjoy.

Sorry for the long post

All of you have been really helpful, thanks for your time and effort!

I found that laughing at the whole ordeal helps a lot. It may be a good idea to develop a strong and sophisticated sense of humour.