Friends

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Are you the kind of person who can simply take a friend you make, or leave them... as in, just turn your back on them and walk away without a care...(in which case, one has to ask if you had any friendship type feelings to begin with)

Or

are you the kind who does their best to keep a friend in your life, to the point of going over the top at times?

I myself tend to make very few friends as very few people interest me, but when I do, I tend to wish them to stay in my life as long as possible if they have some understanding of me and are stimulating.

I have never had more than 3-4 friends at a time, and rarely even term someone a 'friend' in my mind... at times I feel it would be nice to have more of a selection to turn to, but I don't think I could ever be someone with loads of friends as I simply wouldn't be able to be attentive enough to maintain contact with so many.

I think sometimes I try too hard to keep friends and worry if they aren't in contact for a while that I must have done something wrong. I'm gradually getting a bit better. It would take too much time and energy to keep up lots of friendships and I don't know how some people do it but it would be nice to have a few more friends.

Yea, I left a lot of friends I guess. I had friends in school up until high school pretty much but I never really did anything with them outside of it or kept in contact with them. I wouldn't say I turned my back on them or anything though. So whenever I changed schools, classes, grades, ect. , and lost contact with them, that was that. I do have one friend that was pretty close with from way back in 7th grade that I still keep in contact with but he moved away 40 or so miles out of town and never see him.

I feel like that. I know people whom I like: 'potential friends' is probably the best way to describe them, people who I would like to know better if I wasn't AS. But I know from experience that to maintain friendships is difficult for me and the work sometimes seems to come all from the side of the other person, which I think is unfair on them. But to struggle to maintain contact (and surely friendships, like plants, wither from lack of care?) is often too much for me, and the possibility of friendship slides quietly away. Not many people want the type of friendship that I can give which would be sporadic, and probably seen as not much of a friendship at all, although the person may, in fact, mean quite a lot to me.




Hmmm, well, I must question this statement. I find friends a bit too much to cope with sometimes, and I guess it could be seen as "turning my back on them and walking away without a care" but it would be an assumption too far! When a friend walk out of my life I wouldn't assume that I knew why they did that, there could be many reasons, and 'not caring' might be just one of them. I guess I'm a little touchy about the subject as I have been on the receiving end of incorrect assumptions and it's a personal bete noir with me. But I would argue that you can't assume that you know what is going on in someone else's head.

when i had friends in school i hijacked our meetings after school, my telephone number, (so they could call to meetup) and mostely everything else that had to do with "hanging out" i guess you could say i wanted to be by myself

Yeah.

I do not have friends because I have not done the work to maintain/build friendships.

But what would you say is needed to maintain and build friendships?
Some people seem to stop talking for years, yet still remain friends and occasionally talk while others see one another daily.
Is it the time that is needed, or the trust, or the ability to converse or what?
I can maintain friendships but only with a very few people and with difficulty, but I tend to put in too much effort at keeping a friend rather than too little unless I lose interest.

I think since social cognitive problems make the process harder for aspies they naturally will be adverse to doing the work. Its hard for me to do those unknown biochemical enhancing things NTs do that build bonds. When I was trying too hard in the past I did many similar things as Jim Carey in the movie "The Cable Guy". Basically used my abilities and resources in other areas to try to make up for social cognitive problems. But just as he could not create the spark I could not either.

I did make some closer connections in college but the logistic of contacting a person who lives for away is not realistic.

When I make friends I don't really make an effort to keep the friendship going. It's too hard. If they don't stay in contact with me, I don't stay in contact with them. Those who have managed to stick with me over the years I guess are the ones who can put up with me. Friendships were never a priority to me. My interests were always more important.

For what it's worth, I consider you a friend.

Same here. I don't realy do friends anymore. I've had 2-3 close friends that I'd make an effort for, that have drifted away geographically. Xmas 2004 I made conatct with one of those friends I hadn't seen in years. She emailed me back, I emailed her back, then nothing. I can take a hint. Not gonna try anymore.

People your romantically involved with do not count as friends.