Found my journal from teen years

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This was my private journal full of "daddy fiction" I'd write this I'd wish for. I mentioned so many autistic things I noticed like his eyes being intense I had to look away plus other stuff. At this time, Mom and I looked into diagnostic possibilities, but eventually, she sort of said forget it and to not claim it. I know she meant well, but that broke my heart, I was afraid to mention it again just to have it criticized. That journal is full of longing and pain and observations about my behavior.

Well, God is our father in heaven. That's a better substitute

I've found a bunch of art from my teen years and a dream journal from my early adulthood. I was taken aback by the dreams that I had at that time. I must have been going through a very stressful time.

Maybe you seemed too normal, or the treament too dangerous, and she figured it was better not to. ALSO, some people will treat you badly if they feel you have such a syndrome.

I entered a sort of group, and the leader wanted to talk to me alone. At one point he ended up saying some things. I don't even know how he got onto the subject! And I said "THAT IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE"! And I asked him about some odd things and he said He was the SAME way. HE claims he was simply diagnosed with ADHD. I told him how that mirrors AS, and what AS is, and he said that was interesting, and he would like to hear more.

I plan to talk to him about that.

My point though is that ADHD is considered run of the mill, and I don't think ANYONE will treat you worse for it.
AS is maligned a LOT. I haven't bothered to compare the DSM entries yet, but earlier ADHD seemed VERY different.

BTW I was once "diagnosed"(by some stupid "teacher"), to have ADHD. My mother did NOTHING about it BTW. She didn't even tell me about it for about 50 YEARS!

The other person, that I spoke of here said that he DIDN'T have an attention deficit. His problem was that he would hyperfocus on a task, and give that a LOT of attention. I was the same way, and it was generally something based on my interest, and so I became very knowledgeable about it. Eventually, it changed, and I became very knowledgeable about THAT.

Thank you for that. Yeah asd seems so "marginalized?" And for it to be so expensive to diagnose, people sure give ya a hard time, I imagine.

I fully agree, however I cannot figure that out. Its so foreign to me, though people have told me that all my life.

Its kind of foreign to me, I don't fully get it either.

I do all of the Christian stuff but still wonder if I'm missing something

Yeah what keeps me grounded is the truth and knowledge of the word. I think my lack of dependency on feeling helped me stay in the church.

yeah i have difficulty just basing it on the word

I think it can be challenging finding that balance of knowing and feeling. J think I need to study more.