Therapy is going in Circles

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I've been in therapy for over 15 years, told my business to countless therapists, and i'm just exhausted. It seems like most other drs i tell about my asd suspicion are much more open and supportive, but my primary mental health keep it at a general anxiety, depression, ptsd status. I can understand if they have to without a formal diagnosis, but they seem strained to really explore that possibility with me. In general, I feel totally uncomfortable expressing it to anybody because people can be so quick to shut me down. that's what makes me depressed! i'm otherwise a pretty happy guy. so i'm wondering if i need to explore another mental health that i actually pay for because this free one is going in circles. they just gave me numbers to places to call about diagnosis, no referrals no extra effort to get answers. (and the numbers were either for children or too expensive.) Just pills and treatment i've had for over a decade. nice guys yes! but it's getting monotonous. plus they don't really see me that often so based on what i can force myself to tell them, they don't know me really. has anybody experienced that? i mean, my life is going by so fast and i'm seeing other people thrive and i'm just lost. i'm educated and willing to put in the work, but i literally don't know how to function. the tools i'm getting seem misguided and maybe it's my fault, maybe i'm not addiment enough about what I think the problem is. I get so tongue tied and afraid of being dismissed. I've never been surer i'm on the spectrum and i'm trying to be content with just that, but I'm just thinking of the resources i could get and these drs could at least try to get a referral. it's really bumming me out.

I volunteered on a crisis hotline for several years back in the 70s and 80s. It was started as a drug hotline by real people. In an effort to get funding the organization morphed into a United Way recognized agency with MSWs running things. It was sad to watch the transformation.

Social workers did not believe in giving any concrete answers to things and felt only feelings should be discussed.

I believe this is an expression of Rogerian philosophy.

At any rate I came away with a profoundly low opinion of "professionals".

I think the advantage Wrong Planet offers is that each person can ask others what has worked for them to develop coping skills and management techniques.

I think many mental health professionals are there just to make money out of the system. They are not fully serious about how you can improve your life. You are a tool for them to make money comfortably. Not all are like that but the majority are in my opinion. If you want to get a diagnosis, move on to improve your life, have a better career etc, you need to be more proactive, unless you are lucky enough to find a therapist/psychologist in the free/cheap mental health system, who truly cares and takes serious action for you to make some progress in your life.

You many have to spend some money to get things to start moving. I did. I used to be in this useless cycle myself like you, but I actively sought a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I paid rather expensive fees but it was worth it. Now I got the diagnoses, am receiving help from the autism association of my state and trying to improve things in my life, such as studying to start a new career etc.

I hope you've found these:
-- Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ)
-- Aspie-Quiz ^{Registering is optional!}
They might give you an idea about whether or not a formal assessment would be worth the expense.

It was AQ that provided the assurance to me that a formal assessment was a reasonable idea.

Then I started by checking my health insurance. It turned out to include coverage for "Mental Health" so I called them to ask if it would cover an Adult Autism Assessment. They were immediately interested in helping me...and clueless about how to help. They gave me referrals to places that did not do assessments; after that they said I could find someone to do the assessment myself and they would provide a referral to them...and then they gave me incorrect information about what kind of provider I needed to look for. Their confusion added months to my search. I think that Adult Autism Assessments must be uncommon enough that the insurance folk were unfamiliar with them.

The correct answer was I needed a psychologist who was licensed in my state who was willing to do the assessment. (The insurance company was wrong about ABA! A psychologist does not need to work with ABA to do an assessment.)

I used https://www.findapsychologist.org to find psychologists in my area who worked with Autism and took patients my age. Then I checked my state's web pages to confirm the psychologist was licensed and the psychologist's web page to better assess whether they might be suitable.

However, again, it seems Adult Autism Assessments must be uncommon. I didn't find any indication on any web page regarding whether or not a psychologist did Adult Autism Assessments. I figure the Assessments must be uncommon enough that they see no point in wasting space by mentioning them on a web page. I had to call a practice to ask if they could do the assessment. And the person who answered the phone didn't think they did but did check...and it turned out they could do my assessment.

If your insurance might help with the cost you should follow their processes, keep good records (copies of bills, etc.), and, if possible, choose an in-network provider. In my case the insurance company provided partial reimbursement; and I didn't have to send them the psychologist's report, just the bill.

Good luck!

Stress is cumulative in the human body. It will grow and grow and grow and then produce a meltdown. Or it will be vented and return to normal. The way to vent stress is through a form of exercise. But this is a very specific type of exercise. It is similar to running the 50 yard dash at max warp speed several times in a row.

Therapy is MEANT to keep you going in circles. Think about it: how would therapist make a profit if they cured patients in one or just a few sessions. They'd all go out of business! That's why they want to retain long-term patients who never stop coming, each time "sharing their feelings" (using NT social skills they naturally have), while getting nowhere. Therapists love it, because they keep hearing answers they want to hear, as they make an income most of us can only dream of, while doing no work at all.

Heck, even my current "physical" doctors treating me for my illness nowadays are kind of similar. Order this test, order that test, order this procedure, order that procedure, etc. After the last several months, I lost count of how many treatment machines I've been inside and how many times I've been poked with an IV. The main reasons I keep going back is that I can kind of see the benefits, my insurance coverers the majority of the costs, the nurses treating me are incredibly nice, and the machine treatments will make for bad-ass stories later.

Therapy, by contrast, is a game of cat-and-mouse: the therapist tries to trip you up with hidden expectations, as you scramble to find right answers on the spot to avoid angering him/her. For month after month, year after year. It's basically the torture scenes from the movie "Hostel", with with you strapped down in the chair as the victim.

I see you are in California? In areas with large populations there are many teaching hospitals associated with universities, and many of them will diagnose autism in adults. Search for diagnosis with a knowledgeable professional can take years. You want to find a person who is an autism specialist with many years experience, hopefully with many adults.
Do you set goals with your therapist, regarding problems in your life and finding solutions, or do they perpetually just want to talk about "feelings" Is it the same therapist all these years? Perhaps it is time to find somebody with a new and fresh perspective. I went through 3 therapists before finding the 4th who could reach me, teach me, and who probably saved my life and my sanity by teaching me new skills to "do life" with. I did not learn of my autism until almost 35 years later - the point being that focusing on struggles and how to "work around" them or learn new ways to cope or make progress.... you don't HAVE to talk about autism to do that. If you want better understanding of your autistic processing and struggles, the tests posted here on these pages are a great place to get some insights. You can also ask for a neuro psychological evaluation. (maybe you already have had one?) . That should list performance levels of various tests and have a summary of your worst struggles and strengths. Knowing that can give insights into the things that are particular problems. Breaking things down into the things that are hardest/worst for you to do and finding new ways to do them, one at a time can help so much! So much to sort and understand from the new perspective of knowing about our autism, but eventually things begin to make more sense. Cheering you on. You are definitely not alone!

It depends on what you want to get from therapy. No amount of talk therapy is going to "cure" disease. It can give you a place to "vent", learn about yourself, and even provide you with some useful tools to help manage things like anxiety, depression, how to spot delusional thinking, etc. Those skills can help you learn to manage and cope with symptoms, which in turn can make your quality of life better.

Most people have the idea that they'll go into therapy for X length of time and will come out "cured", "healthy", or whatever word suits them. It doesn't work like that.

If you have ASD, there's a good chance (probably a likelihood) that you have anxiety and depression, maybe PTSD, because of it. A diagnosis isn't going to absolve you from having to deal with those problems. Indeed, dealing with anxiety and depression will help with coping with NTs as an ND in the world.