Being a good friend

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Ok all, I'm feeling very targeted and called out but I'm not sure if I should be. Today and yesterday both, two different friends who don't know each other each complained to me that in their recent time of trouble or absence from the group I know them from, no one called, texted or anything. I know that I didn't. My anxiety keeps me from doing things like that very easily. I usually have to work myself up to it. Now, I'm wondering if both of these friends were really trying to tell me that I should have reached out to them. These two ladies are both ND. They also both know that I'm on the spectrum and that I don't pick up on indirect communication. My question is, now what? It feels super awkward to apologize to either of these ladies. On the other hand, maybe that's why I always feel so disconnected. My daughter says that people where I live are particularly self absorbed. So, it seems very possible to me that both ladies understand that I really do care about them, think about them, and pray for them but were just honestly complaining about everyone else. I feel so confused and conflicted. What do I do?! !

I'd say I was sorry they felt neglected or abandoned (whatever emotions they expressed?) and reassure them that you do care about them (if you do!). Perhaps at this point the moment has already passed. Are you still interacting with them? Simply acknowledging somebody else's feelings is often enough. Hope things are going OK between you at this point.

apologize, but not sincerly. You did nothing wrong. but these people want some kinda apology, so give it to them so they f**k off and go blame someone else.

Ask them what they think the problem is with their more socially adept friends. Is everyone either crippled or too busy?

You could say:

I'm sorry I didn't contact you. I was thinking about you but I didn't want to intrude or bother you.

They might reply:
Oh I didn't mean you! I was talking about the other people.

Or:
I wish you would have contacted me, I wanted someone to.

Then hopefully you can talk to them about it.

I wouldn't apologize solely for causing offense when no offense was meant. Only for the hurt which my unintentional actions or words caused, while emphasizing that I had no intention of causing offense.

The thing I've noticed about people is often if you apologise, they say 'no, I'M sorry. I was being too (touchy/ rude/ sensitive etc)' and then you get to the real reason.

When something like this happens to me, I give an apology.

Thank you all so much for your responses! I am still just as close to both friends and neither one seems to have backed off. I told one today that I'm going to try and be better at saying something, even just a quick text, when I think of people. Another friend told me there's no need, when I said that. The one I mentioned doing better to even offered to have my husband, teenage son and I stay with her and her husband when we come back to visit after we move away. I should say that both ladies are ND, one is likely autistic and several...maybe all of her kids are (I don't remember), the other is ADHD. Both know that I need things to be direct. Directness is normal for each of the ladies. So perhaps they both were just venting and not suggesting that I personally should have contacted them more, even though I probably should have. How do you all deal with that? Do you send texts or something whenever you think of someone?