Is excessive arrogance an Aspie trait, or is it just me?

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It's the one thing that has ultimately done the most to end friendships for me, and it makes earning new ones all but impossible. Usually, I don't particularly want them. I don't want friends so much as I want an outlet for my abilities. I understand that ego can exaggerate my strengths at times; however, it's defeated by the knowledge that these strengths are there. More than anything, I want to put myself to use somehow. Sometimes, I do this by finding people and dedicating extensive time and energy to trying to bring out the best in them. I figure, in those times, that, if I can't directly make a difference in the world, I can help others to do so. It's always overshadowed, however, by this looming sense that it's still not going to be enough. I want to do more. I don't want to make a dimple but a crater. It turns into arrogance, and arrogance turns into anger. The anger turns into a deep sense that I have just wasted something valuable and precious.

Part of the problem, I guess, is that it's not something that I spend a lot of time feeling unhappy about. I don't feel the sting of loneliness. I guess it's an organ that never really grew in me. Occassionally, however, I wonder if I could somehow relax this need for grandeur and get more in tune with the world around me. This ego isn't something that I invented. It's a part of me, and it's not something that I want to lose. It's part of the sense of ecstasy and freedom that I feel when I open my arms to embrace the universe and inhale its infinite complexities. I just get curious, from time to time, as to what I could do if I could make it fall, just briefly, into the shadows.

I'm not sure whether this is an Aspergian trait or something unrelated. Does anyone else ever feel this way, though?

Ouch. I have that problem to a small degree, people that don't know me sometimes assume that me and my best friend are extremely arrogant and condescending. On his computer right now, I'll write more later but suffice it to say, that it takes practice to talk "down" enough to earn people's confidence. It took me 3 years of practice bro!...

yeah, aspie egotism is ugly. it's a lot more 'naked' or raw than nt egotism or something. these days i work at acquiring humility. i don't claim to be successful at it yet, it's more of a personal development goal.

I mentioned this several times already. NOPE, it isn't just you.

Honestly, and please don't take this the wrong way, you remind me of myself with the "arrogance," about 15 years ago or so (I'm 29 now). In my case, I suspect this was in part, yes, because I was just better than most of my peers at High School, but also a good defense mechanism against the bullying I experienced. It's a lot easier to explain it to yourself if you learn to hate those who you see as inferior. I'm not sure I'd say I grew out of it so much as simply gained friends who I could share my passions with when I went to University, and not having that constant pressure of other people being bloody horrible to me helped a bit too, I think. I've mellowed a lot, but because of my difficulties with social situations, I'm in a dead-end job that has me interacting with the sorts of people that I used to hate. I don't have the same degree of contempt for them I used to, but it does feel like I'm beating my head against a wall trying to make them understand sometimes (and I don't just mean because of the asperger's - some of these guys can't tell the time when they're looking at a clock, they're just dense).

Yes, I am afraid I can be very condescending, especially when it comes to intelligence etc.
If I see people behaving in what I perceive as a stupid way, or doing things like getting drunk, running through a store laughing etc etc, I can get very unpleasant

It does seem that way to me.

However, I think there may be a good explanation for this. All people are biased and overestimate their abilities and virtuous traits. In other words, people are generally overconfident. It's normal. However, while people may think they're awesome and better than others, they don't let that bias materialize in their behaviors. It's just not tactful and good social grace to be brash and overconfident. This is true in most cultures and particularly true in Asian cultures.

So blending in and being part of the social group requires people to "tone it down." We, aspies, however, aren't very good with social skills. We don't lie. Whereas NTs are overconfident, but don't let it show (for aforementioned reasons), we aspies are overconfident but can't help but let it show.

any arrogance is excessive

If you look around here long enough, you'll see that it's rather common, at least if the posts are any indication...

I guess you could define it in alot ways such as : being an a$$hole,
arrogance, narcissism, etc. And interesting thing I have noted is the large number of people who have reported a close relative they label that way. Which tends to confirms its among the traits
that are more common in ASD than the general population.

As I was reading your post, it was almost as if I had written it myself, especially the second part. I agree that the whole toning it down thing is the reason a lot of Aspies seem to be more arrogant. We're just not that great at faking humility like other people do.

They aren't.

Ugh, if I had a dollar for every time someone accused me of speaking to them in a condescending manner, I'd be wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. Particularly my mother, she still accuses me of this, and I speak carefully when talking to her. I do it apparently without realizing it.

Yeah people can often be worst online. Though in the case of aspies the reverse is likely often true to. Because online you have alot more time to reflect. So no telling with aspies a nice guy online might be an insane killer in real life and an online a$$hole might be a well like friendly person IRL.

Mother often says that I talk about myself a lot and that I need to ask people about them instead...is that arrogance?

I see myself as being the complete opposite: I'm a cloud of self-defeatism with its truthful rain. Reality and its pain has made me such and slain my optimistic train of thought.

Homicidal psychopaths are quite rare.