Dealing with severe depression

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Early this year at 49, I was making progress, had a full time IT contract job, plus a part time job, girlfriend with multiple children from a father in a joint custody situation , a happy older pet, was living at home, due to job insecurity, in April the relationship ended, they wished me well, stated I'm sure someone out there can accept you, "I pray you find someone, but it's not me". In may, my dog had to be put down as she her health had declined over months, two days later I was being laid off due to a drop in call volume, even though I had months left on the contact, went thru Jury Duty the next month, then took some education courses, and since then it's been fix resume, get called by recruiters, maybe setup an interview, turn 50, fix resume, get called by recruiters, receive a sorry we had more qualified candidates, never ending depression hamster wheel, living at home, but paying some bills like the electric, making car payments, part time entry level jobs don't go very far, I'm not looking for a magic solution, just wondering if there are others who deal with a level of despair? spend day after day searching job boards, researching companies, and never quite making it past the finish line, feeling like you missed life, never really found a group of friends, people my age have kids who can support themselves, and I struggle, in workplaces, I always get passed over and will be put in the least desirable position, someone else will start and be elevated within weeks, it's not just one location, had a rough time during school years, and adult life has been a little better, this year so far been awful.

Yep. There are people here who feel similarly to you. Sorry you have to go through all this.

I think the fact that you got it together to make that post after all those experiences of abandonment shows you have a lot of courage and that you haven't given up reaching out for support. I hope you keep trying and that something turns up.

I think when you turn the corner, and you get close to having a life that almost not quite meets the approval of the world, and it unravels, back to square one, maybe it will create a strong character, it doesn't feel good during the struggle

I decided some of this is out of my control, except I can get a new four legged companion, I bought a dog, what a difference it can make. story-I arrived at the humane society office Friday afternoon, around the same time as another man did, both of us wanted to view the same dog, it was settled by a coin flip, I called tails, it was nice that something positive happened in 2022!

Glad something positive happened! It's a reminder that good things can also happen after some bad things. I hope more nice things will happen to you.

Thank you, I hope other people on this forum can find what makes you happy, sometimes things are not always attainable, and you do the best you can, if you can't achieve what others achieve, make sure you can do what you can handle, and build from there.

I am glad to read you have a new dog. Love is so important.

This what I know about "DEPRESSION" and how it feels when we experience it.

how much of this might be pure grief and stress?? Reaching out is good, talking about it here is good, finding a new pup is wonderful. They really make you pay attention to the world around you and can keep you active and interacting with the world . You are carrying a huge load of loss around at the same time you are dealing with job search. Please practice your best self care as you go forward. No matter how discouraged and hurting you are inside it seems from here that you are still functioning and persisting in things that do matter... I predict your patience will pay off. Have you been to an employment agency or a temp placement office? Often you get tested on skills and aptitudes that might show you some skills you have that you never suspected. Many people start entirely new careers in new fields in middle age (you said you just turned 50, right?). Husband did that, many people I know did that... cheering for you from the side lines. Keep us posted!