Is this autism? How should I handle this?

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Hello,

I would like to ask where is the line between autistic brain and allistic brain. Where is the point when you can tell, this is autism and this is not?

I was diagnosed with AS and I told my friend about my diagnose. After probably a year of our relationship my friend (call her Frida) is claiming now that she has an autism too. Frida never asked me anything related to MY autism. (Or very poorly). Every time I spoke about my struggles, for example executive dysfunction, my friend Frida blatantly said without even asking about my internal experience, that she has executive dysfunction too and therefore Frida has same troubles as me.

I have strong feeling that Frida looked up at symptoms or traits of autism and decided to identify as autistic. Every time Frida says something about autism I have feeling it's cute, weird, quirky and funny identity for her. Frida tells me her daily life stories, stories that absolutely everybody (allistic or autistic) could experience and she calls them autistic ones. Sometimes I have this feeling she patologizes normal experiences. I also live with allistic person that has many similiar traits that I have, but we know we are very different, because our thinking is completely different.

I am trying to be open to Frida's self-diagnose. Really hard. But due to very strong trauma related to late diagnose I have strong imposter syndrome from interactions with her. I haven't accepted my autism fully. My brain is real mess now.

I also would like to ask, is it possible for an autistic person to read very perfectly social cues, emotions in faces, subtext, sarcasm etc.?

What should I do? I would like to think about Frida as an autistic person if it helps her, but it really hurts me. My autism is mild, but I still need some support to function. Frida's autism, if she has any, is so subtle that when Frida claims she has it and when she insists she understands me I feel alienation.

I know it's bad to say somebody doesn't look autistic but when I met diagnosed people I could relate to them. I have another self-diagnosed friend who is waiting for assesment and I can also relate to him. But in no way I can relate to Frida. When she claims she is autistic it's like I should accept someone wearing glasses into my world of complete blindness. Frida has definitely struggles, I'm not saying she is completely healthy but our internal experience seems so different.

I don't want to hurt Frida by being insensitive but I can't continue to feel this anxious all the time after our conversations. What should I do?

Thank you very much for any helpful respond.

There are many conditions that result in executive dysfunction besides autism, like ADHD which I have. There are actually 8 executive functions.

1. Self-Control
The ability to stop and think before acting

2. Emotional Control
The ability to manage feelings to achieve goals and complete tasks

3. Task Initiation
The ability to start and finish tasks without procrastinating

4. Working Memory
The ability to use information held in memory to complete a task

5. Self-Monitor
The ability to view and evaluate oneself

6. Flexibility
The ability to adapt to changing conditions by revising plans or changing strategies

7. Organization
The ability to develop and use systems to keep track of materials and information

8. Planning & Time Management
The ability to create steps to reach a goal