I hate how eveything's harder with autism.

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It shouldn't have to be this hard to function in life. I don't know how to socialize properly at all. I don't get why some of you think autism's great. It hasn't helped me in my experience. What am I supposed to do to make it in life?

Welcome. Not everything is harder. I was able to do interesting things, so people tried to socialize with me.

I'd be nothing socially if not for the fact that I can perform music tolerably well. It distracts people so they don't notice much else about me except the fact that I sing and play a couple of instruments. It doesn't completely make up for "real" social skills, but it can certainly tip the balance.

When a bunch of musicians jam together they often form strong bonds. The Aspie tendency towards hyperfocus, perfectionism, and persevering was very useful when I was learning.

Other hobbies and interests can do a similar thing, perhaps not quite so strongly but well enough to make a huge difference. I once read that a group of any kind (which could be as little as 2 people) must have a common purpose in order to work at all. That could be collecting stamps, rescuing little orphans, whatever you like doing. Just look for other people who like doing the same thing.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

It is not just Autism per se. If you are a minority or different from the norm in any way life is probably going to be harder for you than for the average person. The autistics that have done well have both intense interests that are in demand and have figured out ways to cope with the impairments/disadvantages and in some cases use their autistic traits to their advantage.

One post is not enough for us to give advice on how to figure out the above, so keep on posting. Most of us probably have had similar frustrations and failures as you. Don't shy away from asking questions or just ranting. Not every post will get a reaction, do not take that to mean this place is like every other place where you failed. I have started a number of threads where to my surprise it gets little to no reaction. Then later, sometimes way later it gets a reply and a long thread evolves.

WE can learn coping and communication skills to make many things easier. We can choose to not do certain things that might be huge struggles or exhausting or emotionally difficult for us, etc. If you can, try to ask lots of questions from others with more experience. Some find therapy can be helpful. Many members of this group have long lives of experience with autism and can give help with insight and suggestions about how to help yourself make life better. I am living my best life ever now I have my autism diagnosis (disgnosed 3 years ago at age 68). Many things can make life better, easier, more productive, less frustrating, etc. . My suggestion is to choose the absolute worst struggles and look for ways to make those better, one at a time, by doing things differently, using coping tools or changing things surrounding the most difficult or painful parts. It takes loads of emotional and sometimes mental homework to learn new ways but with the help of others, such as wise individuals on this board, we can find new ways to deal with some of our worst problems. encouraging you to keep looking for answers. Break it down into small bites and chip away at it. One day you will look around and see how things may have changed for the better.

I dont like my autism or support the whitewashing of the condition either.

However you can try to make the best of a bad situation, these days with the internet there`s less emphasis on the face to face contact, with different ways to engage with people.

There`s also more opportunity to form romantic relationships online rather than the old fashioned had to meet someone at a bar or dance hall.

Yes, autism comes with a slew of problems but like everyone else, you have talents and gifts that have to be worked on over time. Those can be built up from special interests. As for us liking the fact that we are autistic, we have learned to focus on what we can work rather than worrying about the things that we can't. In other words, build on your strengths.

I went to several benefit dances, quite a few parties, and no bars. I never met a romantic partner that way. First there was school, and then one came to work with me and pushed it. Then roommates, and friends of roommates, some from common interest groups, and a handyman customer re-encountered at a community event where we both had to sit up front for different reasons. I did meet one on-line, but it was because our BBS had a faulty setting, not because we were on a meet-up site. "Personals" ads were also a dead end.
There were some misses, too. One woman who had seen me around her office asked me if I'd like to go for coffee. I instantly but politely said no, because I don't drink coffee, nor pay for food service near home.

I'm extremely socially awkward. I keep to myself and avoid going out. I just hang out with my friends here.

Welcome to WP!

I wouldn't say Autism is great, but it is a fundamental part of me. Take away the Autism and what would be left would be a completely different person...and I'm doing well enough that I would not want to destroy myself and turn life over to someone else (the nonAutisic version of me).

However, in my case, I would say the mild Autism I have is a mixture of good and bad (your mileage may vary). While some aspects of my life have not gone so well, other parts have done markedly well...apparently due to the Autism.

I'm not sure many would say it's great. Given the choice, I'm sure some of us could do without it. But it's not terrible either. It's part of who we are and we deal with it and with that, it's neither good nor bad.

2n2n I think there are parts of autism that you have to love. I love when I find a new interest and can engage with it with intensity. I love my focus. I love knowing things. I love that my autistic adult child is so great with the guitar.

Maybe I will "die alone", but that's not as bad as not being there for myself, and many NTs have that.

PS If you don't know how to socialise at all, consider the possibility that they aren't the right people for you. You can write just fine when you aren't being stressed out. Some people live the first half of their life surrounded by "jerks" and don't know any different, like a fish in water.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."