Talking about it.

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So, I'm new to the thought that what's "weird" about me is an official "thing," and I'm going to take my boyfriend out to dinner tonight to talk to him about it in a setting that is comfortable to the both of us.

Anyone have any advice on how to break the news without being alarmist or dismissive? I want him to take this seriously, but I don't want to freak him out. He's a little bit of a "shrink"-ophobe, and he's also the first person that I'll discuss this with in person. Been there? Got words of help? Please! :-]

Just work it into the conversation. Ask him what's up, he'll ask you what's up, say you went to the shrink, he'll ask why, say to get diagnosed with something, he'll ask why... or just work it in some other way.

If it was me I would pop in during a lull in the conversation with "You know I recently found out that due to a genetic anomaly my brain structure is abnormal.. obviously its not too serious but it does explain a lot of the little quirks I sometimes slip up and let show such as..."

But then Ive always been keen on the direct approach.

Hmm, really depends on age, length of relationship, that sort of thing. I mean, some people you can just say it (I imagine - I've not discussed it in any detail with anyone except my wife, but her I can just tell anything), others I imagine it would take more time. I'd probably work it in, provide information on what you're talking about before you drop the bomb.

Or variation on the above. You get the idea, anyway. Try to prep things with as much information as you can comfortably manage. That'll depend a lot on both of you, how much you do or do not want to say first, if he'll likely be interested in a long explanation or if you have to keep it short, that sort of thing.

Good luck!

I would have thought that someone with serious asperger's would not actually invite their significant other out to a public restaurant to break this kind of news.


Have you actually been to the doctor yet?


If not, don't jump to conclusions. The mind is powerful. If you start convincing yourself now?????? Good luck taking "real" tests for the doctor and having them be accurate.


There are so many other things it could be. I know 2 people that have Asperger's. I mean REALLY have it. There are many new people on these boards that just don't seem to fit 'enough' with AS.


Please, don't take that the wrong way. Just keep in mind that people call this a "spectrum" disorder, so there will be a lot of traits you have. But virtually everyone will have some of them at some time in their life. And after taking those tests, and really thinking about each one? Well, it's hard to retake the test in a different manner. I guess what I'm saying is: don't fool yourself into thining you have AS.

It's quite rare, and very rare for women. And it's quite obvious when you have it as well. If you really have to think about it during those tests? Well, you probably don't have it. And you surely shouldn't feel bad that you don't have it.

Not according to the profile.



I'm right in the middle of this myself ATM, so let me step in and explain the other side of the coin a bit more.

I'm a bit weird. The few friends I have think so. I didn't notice too much when I was young, except that everyone else my age seemed a bit "slow". I did extra stuff in a couple of topics (maths, science, IT) and never had trouble, but just couldn't care enough about other topics to do anything but the bare minimum. Later in my teens, I realised there was something a bit different about me. Oh well, I thought, a typical nerdy, book-wormy, computer geek.

At Uni, I became a little more aware of things, and noticed that I just couldn't fit in, no matter what I tried. I had friends, we did things - but mostly things I didn't enjoy the way they did. Nightclubs? (Too loud & cramped). Drinking sessions? (I just get tired). Parties with 30+ people? No way. But we still hung out, and I enjoyed some of the smaller things we all did together (complaining about lecturers, frequently enough ). I occasionally found myself making some embarrasing mistakes, only realising I'd made a social blunder a few moments after I did it.

I also started dating. It didn't go so well... again I don't really want to go into details, but I was told at one point by a friend that one of the troubles I was having was because I "never wore my emotions on the outside". I didn't get it - as far as I knew, I did. I laughed, I cried, I smiled (sometimes, anyway). Eventually I worked out that I do - but sometimes nobody would notice unless I exaggerated the movements. I also had some issues at the start with showing affection too intensely to be comfortable.

Uni finished, I got a job doing what I love (coding), and I rarely see any of my non-geek friends. I married, and now have two children. Things are "normal", for the most part. But I still do stupid things. I get "obvious" things wrong, mis-interpret things, don't know what to say a lot of the time, and typically can find little to say around the work lunch-table. I hate phoning people I don't know, get incredibly grumpy when I can't do what I've got in my head for a plan, and am still that bit clumsier than most.

Of course, I've since read quite a bit on ASDs, and AS in particular really resonates with me. While I don't have panic attacks going to the supermarket, and I can usually tell what someone feels just by looking at them, I know one thing now better than I've ever understood. I'm not normal. AS? Don't know. But I can say with absolute certainty that I'm not NT. I'd like to know what I am, and AS fits that description better than anything else I've seen.

its not as rare as people say,some women are more able to hide it well than other women and men,and do not end up getting diagnosed as pyschs are not experienced with these types of women,or even aspergers and autism in adults at all.
aspergers is not always obvious in adults because the higher functioners among them have learned to copy NT ways,even LFAers can and do often improve.

'serious' aspergers-not all aspergans have sensory difficulties,some even like loud noise,and do not react to it[hyposensitivity],one of the owners of aspiesforfreedom [aff] actually had a interview about aspergers with a journalist in a restaurant.
am dad who has AS can sit in the noisiest of places,and not have a problem.

I’d tell someone who is close to me everything as soon as I could...with respectful tact; how they deal with said information is on them.

what exatley are you gonna break the news about to him? i hate when people have to talk. especially IF they HAVE to tell you something. yikes