Have YOU been accused of microaggressions??

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It might sound like a counter-intuitive query, but it sort of makes sense, that WE on the spectrum might get (falsely) accused of microaggressions...as many of you know, microaggressions are frequently fueled by unconscious bias, and if they ever are intentional, I can 100% guarantee you that those microaggressions would only come from NTs.

I can see one of us ASD folks getting accused of microaggressions if we made some spontaneous comment just to "blend in" and "go with the flow" of conversation, but as we know NT conversations can be minefields and there may be some unaccounted factor in our minds, but present in theirs, that unwittingly affronts some person or their group or what-have-you, OR someone might perceive it as a petty put-down to something that one of the group peers said about a situation or struggle they were having, that you're somehow showing a "flippant" attitude towards it when nothing could be further from the truth.

I can easily say that we're on the receiving end of microaggressions by a factor of 10 to 1. AT LEAST.

Microaggressions:

One time, I was invited to a black-tie event that I had been to before with an adult autism social skills group at an autism center.

A.

Being that I have an eidetic memory, I happened to remember a dress that the executive director was wearing the first time I went. During the third time, she let a close friend of hers borrow the dress. Being me, I tried to make a comment and remembered the executive director wearing it three years prior. She was embarrassed but was well aware that I am on the spectrum and thought I needed to be corrected. So she responded in kind by blurting out in front of her friends, "That's not appropriate, you can only say nice dress and that's it," before storming off to get the behavior specialist, who also attended the event involved. Yes, she humiliated me too.

B.
During most of my 20s, while working at a warehouse with supported employment, I worked with another employee who had extremely obese while I was thinner. It also happened that I didn't like her very much because she wasn't a nice person next to feeling like I could never be myself around her without being criticized. One time I happened to wear a pair of leggings in the winter time and she said that she was looking for a pair of them. Without realizing it, I body shamed her by asking if they had a pair in her size.

I have never understood why it is considered so bad to wear second-hand clothes. I'm a woman, so I've had people point it out to my face before. I've been told that this is usually meant as an insult. It makes no sense though. I am using fewer resources! I am saving money for something I am more interested in. What is so bad about that?

As long as they are washed, it’s okay.

Yeah…I’ve been accused of microaggressions without any justification.

What is a microaggression?

Literally anything, raising an eyebrow, asking somebody how their weekend has gone, opening the door for somebody, not opening the door for somebody. If they self identify as something which carries victim status that trumps your victim card, you are the aggressor.

I wouldn't last 5 minutes being engaged with society today. I am very blunt, often rude and unpleasant without meaning to be. I am absolutely dreading circumstances changing and forcing me into going back out there to deal with this insanity.

I don't do society either. Something as simple as a doctor's appointment can set me off because of sensory or general overwhelm. I might squint in the light, get tense about noises, or offend someone by not making the correct facial movement at the right time. I go mute, so people think I'm being rude when it's not my intent.

Everything I do out of the house feels like a licensing exam on how to be normal, and I hate that because I refuse to mask or fake who I am. I never learned masking skills in the first place, so what you see is what you get.

I'm likely perceived as doing lots of microaggressions.
In reality I'm just fighting against the environment for survival.
I'm the nicest person most people could ever meet, but few of them will ever know.

The term microagression was coined to give people the excuse to look for slights or insults where none were intended and then be able to be offended with impunity.

Aye. Overreaction is an art, but it can give great power. My ex used to accuse me of being passive-aggressive, which probably arose from her not being able to get me to fight.

In the Jim Crow American South a White store clerk would typically place your change into the palm of you hand...if you were White...but would place the change on the counter in front of you if you were Black. So as to not make body contact, or ...something. For me thats a textbook example of a 'microagression'.

Dial ahead from the 1930s to the 1980s. I worked at a drug store behind the cash register. A young lady I worked with while running the register herself placed change in front of an African America gentleman my dad's age...and he went ballistic...sternly instructed her that you 'place the change into the palm of the customer's hand'. He even complained to the lady boss.

So I learned from that coworkers mistake to never do that. Up to that point I never gave it any mind which place I placed the person's money. But after that I told myself "try to always put it into the palm of their hand, but ESPECIALLY ALWAYS ALWAYS to do that if they were mom and dad's age AND were Black because Blacks of that generation you assume are scarred emotionally by having grown up under Segregation". Blacks my own age, or younger, didnt matter anymore or less than it would with White folks of any age. Apparently my vow worked because I never got into trouble for that issue myself. The term "microaggressin" didnt exist in either the Thirties or the Eighties, but the thing the word denotes did.

I've never heard of that about putting change into someone's hand.
I've always been the recipient (not working in a shop), and I never took note.
Now I haven't used cash money or especially change, in years.

I wonder if it's a practice that I should have known all along.
Maybe I missed it because I don't know social rules.

It's very sad about what was happening.
I can see how it would be offensive.

Are children and employees still taught to put change into a person's hand?
I wonder if my kids know, not that we deal with cash anymore.

Microaggressions are a real and valid concept. The issue in most of these cases people are telling is that the people accusing each of you of microagressions are using the term incorrectly. I will explain.

According to Oxford Languages, a "microaggression" is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority."

At the core of its definition is "marginalization" which people in non-marginalized groups misinterpret all the time, especially when it comes to invisible disabilities.

Let's take Summer_Twilight's example:

The issue here is that an NT woman believes she is more marginalized than a disabled woman. Because she is not of a more marginalized group, it's not possible for her to experience microaggressions in this situation. In fact, you could argue that her behavior constituted a series of microaggressions towards you.

Funny... I just now recall seeing a TV public service ad in the Sixties (during the Civil Rights Movement) sponsered by a church group about stuff that...well...I guess you would call 'microagressions'. Instructing the viewer to be mindful of things like that...and it showed a Black person placing their hand palm up on a store counter to receive change, and a White person placing change on the counter in front of them. No voice over explaining anything...just visual. But apparently it was enough to stick in my mind. So even before this thing happened in real life years later I was already semi aware of it as an issue from that ad. But it wasnt something I recall folks instructing me to do outloud in real life.

Folks of my parents generation (of every skin color) are disappearing. And as you said- tech has changed. Everyone does self check out half of the time, and I personally rarely use cash.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 18 Jan 2023, 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In South East Asia, it is a major insult to sit so that others can see the soles of your feet. People also go ballistic over white people in a black costume. In the minstrel shows, it was used for insults, but when Prime Minister Trudeau dressed as Aladdin, implying admiration for a brown character, he was in deep doo-doo. Apparently, Jeremy Clarkson offended many people for many years, but was finally taken down by just two words, one of which was misheard.

I've certainly stepped on metaphorical toes before.

A friend of mine was taking a brand-new girlfriend out on his sailboat. As they got under weigh, as Captain, he told her it was time to do something on the foredeck. She got upset that he had not said "please" and after that, the voyage was pointless.
When Dick Rutan and Jeanna Yeager were in love and starting a big project together, Dick sat across from her in a restaurant booth so he could see her better, instead of beside her to feel close. They still did the project, but the love was all gone.