The outside world falsely thinking you're upset/closed off

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I've noticed I often get mistaken for being upset/closed off.

This past week, a coworker told me it's because I have a poker face.

When he said that, it all fell into place.

That coworker doesn't know I'm on the spectrum. Those of us on the spectrum, however, often have a hard time showing our emotion. Which might explain why I have a poker face (and come across as upset/closed off)

No wonder the outside world, both at work and outside work, largely avoids me.

Since I don't walk around with a mirror, I wasn't even aware I have a poker face.

Does anyone else find themselves getting mistaken for feeling a different emotion than they really do?

Sure.

Mostly because I'm coping with distracting symptoms and fighting certain layers sensory and perceptual interferences.

Having to process emotions and thoughts at the wrong time and place (which I would have to figure), unable to filter it myself, and unable to transition away from it.

It's almost never about towards anyone, but what they did and said.


I wish mine manifests as a poker face than something 'appropriate' and also 'predictable'.

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Lack of facial expression is a feature of aitism. I've read once that people with autism age slower because our faces don't get wrinkles because of lack of facial expressions throughout the years. I don't know if that's true but it makes sense.

Myself I have a poker face and sometimes I can see the confusion of people when I joke for example. I make a joke but my face is dead serious.

Ms Poker Face (the ASD "flat affect") is a way to be respectable in the "face" of difficulties with emotional regulation. I am a highly expressive person by nature but learned early that Ms (too) Smiley was frowned upon when not aligned with expected response or others and Ms Crying-my-eyes-out was frowned upon when I was crying harder than the injured person, Ms Angry was definitely a big social no-no for a girl, young woman and even a Corporate professional, etc., etc., etc.

I have learned to soften my facial features when I can and to notify people of my emotions when I can: "I know I am smiling right now, I'm actually very concerned... I know I look stoic, I am actually very sad..." If not, I send an email later, or call.

Interestingly my NT husband has more of a flat affect than I do. He also has less wrinkles. Darn.

The poker face could explain why I sometimes get mistaken for a cop.

I've often been asked if I'm cranky or upset, which comes as a great surprise to me because I'm usually just feeling neutral, doing some task or something.
I don't know how I'm supposed to be looking at these times?
Overjoyed that I'm mopping the floor?
It confuses me no end.
I can't be responsible for your interpretation of my resting b***h face.

Lifelong experience with this.

I switch between the flat affect face when interacting with strangers, to a face that is an open book, reflecting my emotions exactly, when relaxed, talking to intimates.