I think I have Aspergers, what now?

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My wife and I heard a discussion recently about AS and half way through we turned to each other and said "OMG that's me" I have taken the online test and I score very high, 45/50. I have done quite a bit of reading about AS in the last few days and I am 100% sure I have it. It feels very strange seeing so many of my character traits listed as common for AS. I kinda feel invalidated somehow, like there is not really a me, but just my AS. I don't know if that makes any sense.

How did you feel when you first learned about AS?

Why am I kinda freaking out? I don't really want to admit my limitations I think. (as it pertains to work)
I guess I should see a specialist for a diagnosis. Is there any reason why I should not get a diagnosis? Could that limit me in anyway?

I look forward to learning from others, thanks for the input.

Have others self medicated with marijuana? I had a long term relationship with mary. She and I were very close right from the first puff, I wonder if there is any brain chemistry issues between marijuana and AS? Is anyone else familiar with this? I have never liked to drink or do much else as far as altering my conscience but mary seemed to quell my mind and soul.

Thanks again.

You have to sort out why you want a diagnosis.

They CAN be expensive. I got one finally from my college's on-staff shrink after years of seeing him off and on.

But I'm not sure what good it's done.

I don't want medication, I think. (I didn't realize any was available until very recently.)

I recently had to downgrade my job. I was waiting tables, something I spent literally years wanting to do. I knew the system and the company policies quite well having previously been a host. I was convinced I could do it.

The result was a series of meltdowns.

I was offered a chance to go back to hosting, which I took. My wallet is hurting for the choice but it was probably better for my mental/physical wellbeing.

But when I sat down with my boss, he wanted to know what I was going through, off the record.

I tried to explain AS and how I think I have these coping mechanisms I've built up that fall apart when I have to interact with too many people too rapidly in an uncontrolled fashion.

And he didn't even know what AS was. So he left with an understanding that I was stressed, which is what he knew going into the conversation. The diagnosis didn't mean anything to him and I suspect wouldn't to any sufficiently understanding person. And I'm not sure how many prospective employers I have at this stage of my life who would understand AS.

As-is, most of my college's faculty and administration is just becoming aware of it. The disability coordinator seemed oddly amused by me... and I was amused by her amusement. The whole scenario was surrealistically ironic because she kept wanting to know about my one, singular special interest only to find I have many even as I marveled at her collection of Pez dispensers, HUNDREDS lined up on shelves and in cases, and wondered which one of us was more AS.

First, you are still you. You are still the same person you were five minutes before you realized it.

Lastly, you are still you.

Hi!

I am mid fifties, female and self employed. I realized a bit less than a year ago much what you just have. I consider myself lucky in that my AS is in all ways, including autistic, definite.

I have no need for an official dx in that I seek no form of assistance. Indeed, while I am not at all the world's greatest success - I feel pretty good about what I have accomplished despite some major AS issues.

I too sense that all which I am flows from my AS. But before knowing I would have thought it all flowed from being human. It doesn't matter which. . .I, and you are specific examples of creatures of some sub class. Aspie is okay!

Keep on with your life. You obviously have been doing well. You are married, and it would seem by a woman who loves you enough to know you. You are employed. You are active in life and the world.

No real need to change anything. You are concerned about your limitations as an aspie. I think you have been dealing with them pretty well. Nut now that you do know yourself better you can determine to expand your capabilities consciously. You are better off than you were a year ago.

Be glad the professionals did not grab you when young and feed you medication and pessimism as they do now. You might have believed it! You are part of a mnority within a minority: an aspie self supporting in the world, bravo!

Hang on WP a bit. Friends here, and you have much to teach as well as learn. And if you are still young - make certain your genes are carried onward. The world needs logical intelligent people. We are those persons.

Glad you found us!

I actually feel better for it. ALL MY LIFE some people didn't understand certain things I tried to talk about. HERE, some seem to understand EVERYTHING! THREADS have been created here about things I tried to talk about that others just never seemed to understand! WOW! Why do you need a diagnosis? If it fits, accept it.

You are married, and didn't know, so you are probably better off than I am. If so, ENJOY!

Steve

Aha! What a revelation. At first I felt ripped off upon getting the results of my formal Dx but OTOH I felt a deep sense of relief in finding that there is a name to it and it's not unique.

Now you can learn about its stengths as well as its limitations and taylor your lifestyle accordingly. The empasis now should be on bringing out its best aspects. It can be done and I am living proof of it.

And yes, Mary Jane is one gf I had that never did me any wrong other than cost me a lot of money

that is a good "a HA! " moment story.

Welcome to WP, you will find a few of us older folks that discovered late in life we are AS. I agree with those others posting that you are not any different now that you know than you were when you didn't know. It's just now you are going to be able to make modifications in your behaviour with out feeling like you are being untrue to your 'personal beliefs'.
You will have a lot more patience with yourself and a lot more compassion for others around you. Try not to get wrapped up in how different your life would have been had you known earlier, (it's ultimately futile and can get you bitter.)


The August 20th 2007 edition of "The New Yorker" magazine has a great article called "Parellel Play" Living with Asperger's Syndrome" by Tim Page. David Mamet in his book "Bambi vs Godzilla" discovered the good parts of living with it. Books By Tony Attwood are helpful. When you look around you will find it seems to be EVERYWHERE, but before you just wern't looking.

welcome to WP. I find more therapy here than anywhere else in my life.

Merle

Welcome to WrongPlanet

Wrong Planet is the right address!! !

Welcome to WP!

I'm undiagnosed too. When I read about AS two years ago (I was 18, almost 19), I thought "Wow, that's me", and I felt everything in my life began to have sense, that information was like some missed pieces in the puzzle of my life.

I wanna get an official diagnosis, but I can't afford it.

I have known I had this all my life, before I even knew it existed and I never saw it as a disability or disease so I never felt compelled to seek a diagnosis. I recently went through some relationship problems where I was clearly the one at fault and that made me realize how deeply this affects my life. I still don't really care for a professional diagnosis, but knowing exactly what I have does help a lot.

I also have some neurological issues these days and have an appointment with a neurologist so I guess a formal diagnosis of Asperger's might be necessary, but I refuse to see this as a disease. I am just different, weird as most people say, and I'm fine with that.

I'm glad to have found this site. I've been reading a lot of the forums and it feels really good to be able to relate to other people.

My heart goes out to you all that is Why is started aspergersforum.net (being fixed now) .I am becoming an authority on this matter because my son has it. And years ago there was only 1 website on this syndrome.
first adn foremost it is isolating for all who have it. There are no groups,no support etc. That is why i started aspergersforum.net. To netowork everyone together. We even have voice live chat.
Now I am not a shrink-but a dad-trying to get his son thru dailey life.
Now in your situation of working in a resturant -get the heck out of that kind of job. Aspergers people dont do well in large groups-handleing people. They do excell as IE:lab assistants,computers wiz's etc. I would consider a carreer in the people business.
Second-Get Paid-Aspegers is payable by disability-My son gets it. GO apply.! ! it takes 6months anyway.
next week stop by and chat with me -Mike on http:***************m.net. I was up and running but i had a meltdown with my past server. And most of all this is a great site adn i am not trying to steal anyone away. We need lots of place for us to goto.Because being a genius isnt fun either.

it is just what they want you to believe

stitchimage,
I see you have posted once on WP. I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but you just stepped on my toes with your response and I would like to let you know you have, and why.

I am an Aspie. I have been one all my life. I am not 'mild, or slightly affected' I am a full blown Asperger's Syndrome and can waive around the little piece of paper that tells the world so.

I worked in kitchen jobs and up into being a line cook and then saute chef and was a sous chef for a career of 22 years. Why would you discourage some other Aspie from working in that field? How would then know unless they tried? Why encourage someone to live on the dole at a ridiculously low compensation and not explore out side their comfort zone? It seems to me like you have had the box constructed for you by other 'experts' advice and are happy to have your son in that box and want other people with Asperger's Syndrome in that box too!

I agree with Aradford, this is just what they want you to believe.

if you were telling blacks that they should pick cotton because they are better suited for it, or Jews should stick to money lending and pawn shops you would be run off (and rightly so) as a racist.
telling us that we have to be confined to the vocations that some guy that DOES'T have AS has dictated is right along those lines.

So save your pity, some of us don't fit into your box.

Merle

Thanks to everyone who responded. I have learned a little from all of you, and a lot from some of you. I see the incredible value in having a place like this so that like minded aspie's can converse, ask, and advise.

Work is quite a concern for me at this point. I have always worked in sales and although I do well it is really torture. I also have a very bad neck injury that is starting to limit me physically. I do hope to regain my former body and I continue to work with a team of doctors to alleviate the pain so I can be physically well again. On top of that our 2nd son is due in 6 weeks. (how likely is it that both my boys will be AS also?)

I will not go on disability, my wife plans to home school our boys so I need to earn a good living. I plan to reevaluate my career goals and see if I can find something more inline with my personality. I do have a BS in Finance (took me about 10 years of college to finish, that is funnier to me now than ever before) I would really like to be self employed as I have always had difficulties working for someone else.



"First, you are still you. You are still the same person you were five minutes before you realized it.
Lastly, you are still you."
I think I will be more "me" than ever before. I was always trying to force myself to do things that really go counter to the nature of an aspie. Even when I succeeded I was unhappy, uncomfortable or annoyed. I will listen more to my inner voice now.

As some of you noted I am very lucky to be married to such a wonderful woman. She not only understands me she also believes in me, appreciates my different perspective, and laughs at all my puns and wordplay. I would really encourage any aspie who wants a marriage to know that it is possible. Just love with all of your heart, put an emphasis on communication and think before you speak. (that last part is really key for me) I know my wife would never do or say anything to purposefully hurt or annoy me so whenever her words or actions get me heated or annoyed I take a deep breath and look within myself for the root of the problem before I say something rash and stupid.
My wife's family actually tried to break our marriage up a few years ago. When my neck injury changed our lives they tried to convince her I was faking or fixating on the problem because I was OCD. I have never had an OCD diagnosis and I am not overtly OCD. I think they may have seen my AS and decided it was OCD. I do understand the discrimination and separation that is common when you are different from others.

But I digress.....

Sinsboldly, it was actually a Tim Page interview that awoke me and my wife to this. I have also ordered Tony Attwood's book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome". Thanks for pointing me in that direction. I am not so worried about what would have happened if I would have known sooner, I am lucky to have the life and family that I have now. The only difference I imagine is I probably would have pursued a career in architecture rather than business/finance. My wife tells me it is not too late but I am 37 and can't imagine school instead of work at this point. But maybe, just maybe.

What does anyone know about the chemical differences in an aspie mind? Are there things that aspies often do to stimulate our unique brains? (not just talking about that mary stuff, looking for other non drug things actually)
I was however surprised at the lack of response to my mary question, is that a taboo subject here?


Lastly, I have never been much for belonging to any groups (surprise surprise) but being here feels strangely good. I know I have much to learn and l really appreciate your responses and look forward to learning more from all of you. If you have any further thoughts I would love to hear them.

Thanks again,
santabarbarian

It is usually relegated to the Adult section, is all. You will find few saints here.

But it isn't the chemicals so much as the actual shape of the amygdala. . ( three points for making the pun of Princess Amygdala of Star Wars fame) in the brain that shapes us differently.

http://biology.about.com/library/organs ... ygdala.htm



but others know far more about that than I do.

Merle

About a year ago our office made us go to a seminar entitled "Essence". At first i didn't have the slightest idea what's it about and didn't really care because it was mandatory and dismissed it as one of those team building bs seminars so i went just to get it over with. Turned out it was a personality assessment seminar. It's supposed to fit a person into one of (i think) seven personalities. You're supposed to write down your fears, strengths and some personal experiences and do some activities and play games to make the assessment. There's a speaker and she's a catholic nun, she wrote a book and have held seminars in many countries and the common feedback i that it's very effective. So it went on and i was classified as being a "thinker". As she was explaining what being a thinker means i was amazed at how she knew exactly certain things about me that i didn't even write down or consciously bring out. She had a list of traits, strengths, weaknesses, talents and even pet peeves. I was very happy with the seminar and felt understood for the first time. It was very liberating for me. Days after the seminar i was still very excited and happily anxious that i wanted to know anything and everything about being a thinker, the seminar and the speaker. There were very few resources related to it so i started searching about the traits and behavior of thinkers for example wanting to be alone most of the time, having a vivid imagination, problem with eye contact, etc. and i saw a result linking to a child psychiatry website. Intrigued, i clicked and read along and i remember it being very long and it was made as a guide for parents. I was again intrigued as to how the traits i was searching for led me to a psychiatry website. It got me interested but i was still bored so i saved a copy of the document so i can read it later. I didn't come back to read it for while because i got busy with a new project. So time went on and i was bored again. I was browsing through a website i frequent a lot. It's one of those anti boredom websites with links to other sites, some for games, trivia, pictures, etc, and i saw this link that says "Do you have Aspergers? Take the quiz". It was then that i remembered what i was reading. I took the quiz and scored really high. I wasn't convinced so i took other quizzes, questionnaires, etc. You know the results. I felt like a bomb went off in front of my face and for a while i was very confused. I continued to read on more about it and soon i learned that it's not so bad at all and most of the difficulties associated with it i've already managed to find a solution to. Now i feel like a new person, being different doesn't make me very sad anymore. I don't think the seminar was wrong or a hack, it just has a different way of telling me that i was different and there's nothing wrong with it. And without it, i wouldn't have known what really is about me. Now i see myself as a thinker with AS. I may not even be near happy now but know i got a really hard push to its direction.