Can you relate?

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• People don’t talk to me like they talk to other people.
• I don’t form the same bonds people usually form with other people.
• I have a hard time understanding people and their intentions.
• I spend a lot of time feeling people don’t like me, especially my relatives and colleagues.
• I don’t have friends.
• I struggle with intimacy with my partner.
• I worry a lot about saying the wrong things.
• I’m sorry a lot.
• I have strong emotions, but I struggle to express them. For example, if someone gave me a gift, I would not know how to react even if I am so happy to have received it. They might get the wrong end of the stick.
• I love crafting and go between different crafting hobbies quite frequently.
• I might pick up a hobby for a couple of months and spend excessive amounts of time and money on it, only to then get bored. I might come back to it, but usually don’t.
• I struggle with intimacy with my partner, it doesn’t happen.
• I am very emotionally involved with him but I express myself mostly by sending him emojis and stickers.
• I might say I think he’s amazing, which he is, but I’m repeating a lot of expressions he says to me.
• You will never find me dancing or singing in front of people. I’m very shy and self-conscious.
• I feel I give off that vibe that says I’m weird.
• I struggle greatly regulating my emotions.
• I don’t like spending a lot of time around people so I have to work part-time.
• And even after 5 hours of being around people and not even interacting with them, I need alone time because I am exhausted.
• I am bored to death with my job, but I need the job to be repetitive like it is because as soon as I have to learn something new, or it involves interacting with a a bunch of people. I struggle A LOT. I get tired.

I'm just trying to figure out if I have it for sure before I go for an assessment.

What you have sounds like a good start and it seems like you're on the right track.

Have you read any books about autism or "women's autism"? Some of them might be very relatable to you and help you recognise patterns in your own behaviour.

If you're eventually assessed using DSM5 they'll do a lot of testing on your nonverbal communication skills like reading people's eyes, understanding inferences or nuance, and a lot on repetitive motor behaviours (stimming). Try to keep note of all your stims and sensory issues, assuming you have at least a few.

Most of those things I can't relate to (which is why I often question my diagnosis, or at least am in favour of severity/functioning levels).
But the traits you listed here do sound like normal autism traits and would probably count towards your assessment.

Thank you IsabellaLinton and Joe90. I do want to go private because I do not want to wait 2 more years for an assessment just because my referral got lost or never got sent by the community mental health team. But I can't afford £5000 for an assessment. That is way overpriced and if it turns out I don't have it a total waste of money in my opinion.

I relate most strongly to: struggle with intimacy, worry a lot about saying the wrong things, have strong emotions, but I struggle to express them, go between different [...] hobbies quite frequently, struggle with intimacy with my partner, I give off that vibe that says I’m weird, struggle greatly regulating my emotions, don’t like spending a lot of time around people, it involves interacting with a a bunch of people. I struggle A LOT. I get tired.

I used to relate to: I’m sorry a lot --- however, I now thank people and make repairs differently. Less shame, more gratefulness.

I don't relate to items that I consider to be personality: You will never find me dancing or singing in front of people. I’m very shy and self-conscious. I am bored to death with my job --- I'm a touch on the extrovert side and very expressive, so this does not apply to me as much. It does sometimes of course, but not often. For me, boredom is akin to death, so I am sure to be busy. I am in an analytic role so I can minimize interaction with others, but as a touch extrovert, I enjoy just enough.

I have issue with this one: hard time understanding people and their intentions. --- I don't relate well to jealousy, deceit and other unsavory intentions - those I don't anticipate or "understand". I find that NTs too often attribute those unsavory intentions to those of use with ASD who are more often acting with integrity, albeit bluntly. Who is it that doesn't understand whom?

Wishing you well on your journey of self-discovery.

I am diagnosed ASD, GAD and self-diagnosed ADHD.

I would recommend taking the commonly shared screening quizzes and take a look a the relevant diagnostic criteria where you're living. I'd also consider whether a formal diagnosis is going to change anything and if it is, whether it's worth the cost.

I can't tell you what the correct answer is. There's always the possibility of it being a subclinical level and if you have other diagnoses it can make it hard to get a reliable result. And being spectrum adjacent doesn't mean that there aren't autistic traits that are strong enough to reek havoc on your life if unmanaged.

Also, realize that a formal diagnosis isn't necessary to be on the spectrum, it may be required under certain circumstances for benefits, but the bulk of the support out there doesn't require a formal diagnosis.

Personally, I am getting a redo on my evaluation because after 15 years or so, the answer will likely be much easier to answer. If I didn't have insurance that would cover the bulk of it, I probably wouldn't bother.

The only ones I can relate to are:-

Sometimes I feel like I have a weak personality and some people treat me differently to what they would others. Like one person can whine about everything in a whiny tone of voice and everyone politely listens, but if I express my feelings in a jokey or matter of fact way people tell me to stop whining (in other words, shut up). That's just an example.


I think I'm a likeable person but I often worry that people don't like me. If someone seems a bit off with me I pick up on it then I analyze what I may or may not have said to make them dislike me. It's more RSD-related.


I have friends dotted about, some online, of all different ages, races and both genders but I'm not the sort to have a group of girl friends who have a lot of hen do's and weddings. Also I don't see my friends much these days due to agoraphobia, so I just keep in touch online.


I don't dance or sing either, whether I'm alone or not. It's just not my sort of thing. Also I get embarrassed dancing and singing in front of people.


I feel like I look weak and pathetic in public, and I've been treated like I am before by strangers, which has contributed to my agoraphobia.


I used to struggle before I went on Sertraline. I would have mood swings and would fly up in a rage (have an outburst) when feeling contempt with my environment (at home, not in public). Being on Sertraline has helped regulate my mood, not so much emotions. I have anxiety where my mind overthinks most things and I am a pessimist. But it might be because my mum was a pessimist too (she wasn't on the spectrum).


I work part-time but being around people at work isn't what exhausts me. I just find it hard to live a repetitive routine without being bored, and I have trouble juggling other demands of life around work. I work 5 days a week but only afternoons. Despite that, I still struggle to fit other demands in my schedule and I find it easier to sleep in the morning than at night.

Thanks for all your responses. My GP just received the letter for me to be referred for an autism assessment. We will see what happens.