stuck in a rut

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Pretty much since undergrad graduation, been stuck in a rut.

work:

Past two and a half years, though, stuck in a rut, @ least with a job. Minimum wage, menial labor, "BS job". Job that i will soon be too physically weak, slow, old, disabled, injured, to do. Lot Attendant at Home Depot. Push carts and load merchandise. Almost get hit by a car a couple times a week. Constantly uptight. Back and foot pain sometimes. 40 years old. Health only getting worse. Been training for transfer to Tool Rental. Paranoid that Tool Rental coworkers and supervisors and managers will micromanage me worse than Tattletale Tom. Tool Rental might be worse than Lot Attendant in ways that I do not (thus far) know about, b/c I do not yet work in Tool Rental.
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"friends"

zero "friends". When someone reacts a certain way in a certain situation, that does not guarantee they will react a similar way in a different situation. (Not a representative sample). Every situation is different, even situations that appear the same. Things are not always the way they appear. In social interactions, there is no such thing as a controlled experiment.
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hobbies

not good at anything
do not like anything or anyone

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chronic constipation, without bowel obstruction. the xray technician wrote in the report.

clinical depression

aspergers diagnosed 2003

old man and old woman dropped dead.

zero children

never had a romantic relationship

emotional overeating

sometimes trouble sleeping

clinical depression

zoloft, prozac, ativan, lexapro, propranolol taken in the past for clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder.

wellbutrin prescribed and not taken, b/c of seizure risk.

age 24-26, and 36 -present, on testosterone shots to transition to male

chinese. day laborers keep having the nerve to scream "chino" @ me. (rolls eyes).

menstruation smaller amount and less frequent.
voice a lil lower, but it was never that high, and it is not that low.
negligible amount of mustache.
appetite gone haywire. weight gone up a negligible amount, but proprioception feels heavier gravitationally.
all other changes, either zero or not noticed.
overall body shape, appears the same.

but cisgender chinese adult males tend to be skinny, short and high pitch voice and no facial hair, so WTF ever.

besides, the city i live in and 2023 is much less homophobic than san diego 2007 when i first started testosterone.

been to 42 different counselors. (including trained volunteers from the free clinic).

exhausted all the time.

my worthless corpse has been wounded for a longfuck time and it's only getting worse. graceful degradation is the best thing that could happen. the worst thing that could happen, is subject to imagination.

memorial day. federal holiday. nothing to do. cleaned Pigpen. wanted to hang out with someone.

I'm sorry to hear that so many things are tough for you right now, and perhaps always. I can't give any advice except the usual things I'm sure you've already heard. Have you tried Tai Chi? Riding a bike? Joining a church? (The Unitarian Church does not require you to believe in anything.) And so on.

You also mention that you have clinical depression, but the medications you mention you say you took in the past. Are you seeing a therapist and someone who can prescribe medications now? Are you saying that none of the meds you tried before worked, and that's why you're not taking them now? There are others, though you have already tried quite a few.

Wishing you the best.