If/when you mask and unmask, do you do it consciously?

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And what are the differences between yourself when you're masking and when you're not masking?

I found that I naturally started unmasking a lot after I started taking anxiety medication. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but people who knew me saw a noticeable change in me (which they saw as positive, because they're very supportive of my well-being)

The main changes were talking at length about my interests (and just talking more in general when I'm excited), making weird noises, stimming, allowing myself to "shut down" a bit when I run out of energy (eg. curling up in a ball on the couch for a while when visiting family).

Basically not constantly policing myself and my behaviour. It really feels great

I don't think I mask much around people, or need to. When I'm not masking I'm still not 'obvious', I might just complain more and say stupid things but that's it. Usually I naturally want to chat to people and I don't need to make much conscious effort.

The only time I feel I have to consciously mask is when I'm out in public places, like in crowds, because I can feel very impatient and frustrated but know I have to keep calm and cool. Sometimes I might sigh under my breath, especially when there are noisy kids around, and people don't like it, they glare at me and take it personally. So there's more pressure for me to mask in public than when socially interacting. When I'm at work I barely mask at all, maybe a little but I think everyone masks a little.

I don't mask.

Unless following explicit rules (like don't enter the employees entrance, don't climb that ladder, don't eat something without paying, etc.) -- unless knowing when not to be mischievous is called masking...

I don't need all that to blend in and pass.


But sure I can consciously do it. For the opposite usual reasons and are not about autism.

I mask because I'm this unwillingly emotional person due to varying factors such as hormones or whatever emotional hung ups.

And I absolutely hate it.

Usually because I hate being this involuntary reactive brat that spouts immature and irrational words and actions -- I'd rather have a poker face that betrays nothing.

And it's fueled by tense like self frustration. It's tiring.
When I let it go, it's giving me serious tension aches throbs from half of my head and reaches down my jaws and neck.

Yet it doesn't feel faking. Or coerced.
It's not based on fear or what people thinks. It's not based on pretense, it's based on whatever I can control and choose.

It feels like myself. Showing what and how I'd choose to show myself.
How I'd want to act and wish how I'd wanna do things intentionally if it weren't for the dysfunctional liability that is my emotions and that stupid ADD-like head fog.
My autopilot is programmed stupid and I don't like it.

If only it isn't so painful...

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In person I mask alot or just can't speak. Unless I've gotten to know someone pretty well chances are.I am masking. It's not something choose to do it just happens. I only started realizing I was doing it a year ago when everything just started to feel fake. I realized I was trying to act.just like the people around me and it just felt wrong. I couldn't be around the people anymore because I wasn't being me at all. I felt.I couldnt even be sure they were really my friends cause they didn't really know me.

I'm not sure why all of a sudden i noticed that I was doing it. It was like this stress built up inside and burst.

So far I've got two people I really unmask for. Well humans other animals I have no problem being myself around.

How does one shut that reaction off?

I'm not sure that I mask much any more, although when I stim in public I get a notification in my brain saying "Are you sure you want to proceed Y/N" , it's always yes these days as I dont give a f**k coming across as weird.

As for copying non-verbal behaviours or developing complex social scripts to get by in social situations, I have no idea if it's done on a subconscious level (habit) or not at all.

Funnily enough, I went to a friend's place recently, and I hate sitting down in a social setting (I'm a hoverer) but my GF told me to sit down as the friend gets agitated when people hover, so I did which was conscious masking.

My GF just told me in social settings she often tells me to go outside for a fag when she sees me stimming and thinks I need a break.

I don't really hold with this ASD-specific masking concept. It's too hard for me to know where the line is between that and cultivating polite or sensible behaviour. Once I know that a particular kind of behaviour bothers people, I'm likely to try to avoid it as long as it doesn't cost me much. Is that masking or just good manners? I also try to appear "normal" when travelling by plane, simply because the security staff are more likely to make life hard for me if I seem to be acting strangely. Is that masking or just wisdom?

But to answer the question, if those things are considered to be masking, then yes I generally do it fairly consciously, except that when it's become a habit I don't really think about it any more. I barely think about keeping quiet about my atheist/socialist views in rural Arkansas, unless it comes up in a way that makes it hard to avoid discussing religion or politics. Normally there's nothing to actively mask, because I'm not particularly interested in discussing such matters with people who have very fixed views about them.

I have different personas for different situations. When I was working, I had a persona for being helpful and getting things done to implement positive changes. When I go to the grocery store, I have a patient and smiling persona because I have found that grocery shopping has so much less stress if I relax and let it be as time consuming as it can be.

And so it goes. Even as a young adult I realized I behaved differently with different people, which seemed weird to me, but I knew of no other way to do it.

Completely unmasking, even with people who know me well, rarely results in a positive outcome for me.

I've been spending the last 2 weeks (post diagnosis) starting to peel back the social mask and its honestly such a relief. I never realized how much energy was going into keeping up the charade.

Mask - Sit there quiet, and try not to share my knowledge of things (as I've been called an arrogant know it all). I try not to make too much noise. I sit in the chair "normal" as I've had a manager tell me to stop sitting with a weird posture. I try and make eye contact, try and be social will people and its awkward and semi successful. I try not to completely tune out when small talk comes up and Try not to come off as "insensitive".

No mask - Kind of childlike wonder. I'm amused over little things, like to stare at stuff. Love junk food like candy, chocolate and ice cream. I love doing cartwheels, climbing trees and just rolling around in general. I'll talk to myself and laugh to myself. I just say what comes into my head, all of which is always true, but people seem to really hate the truth. I talk about whatever random thing comes into my head too. I don't say hi to anyone and just stare at the floor if unwanted social interaction comes up. I also sit in the chair in a "peculiar" yet very comfortable way for me. On my couch at home I sit upside down often.

I'm sure there's more, but that's what was on the top of my head.

I've never thought of it as masking, but I learned at an early age that almost anything you say can be the wrong thing to say. Not even that it's inappropriate necessarily, it can just be out of context or out of the blue, or too blunt, etc. So I learned to just be cagey and not really talk very much. I was "shy." Then when I was around other kids at school, perhaps it was lucky that I was learning a new language at the same time as I was learning to be around people, so I became adept at imitating, not just the accent (no one would guess that it's not my native tongue) but specific phrases and tones of voice, and ways of behaving, and physical attitudes and stances. (Whenever I had to switch languages I was kind of lost, because I no longer had my ready phrases.)

I am still aware that if I were to just blurt out whatever was on my mind, it would come off as weird or at best rude. So I am always very conscious of my tone of voice and the things I say when I am around someone. I'm pretty good at replying with a relevant comment or even a funny anecdote and engaging in a pretty good conversation, if I know the other person likes me, because I feel more relaxed and less aware that I am working at making conversation, but I still am doing it. Other times I can just be awkward and not know what to say.