My Story: I think I'm on the spectrum and it explains a lot

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Hello,

I recently began learning about Asperger's and I think I may have it a little bit.

I am 29 years old. I began having social problems at school when my family moved me to a new school in 3rd grade, however my mother recently told me that even in pre-school I didn't mix properly with the other children. From 3rd grade to high school, I was a pariah. I rarely bathed, I rarely clipped my fingernails or combed my hair. I was obsessed with creating Dungeons & Dragons worlds, building scale models, reading, obsessively collecting various things including action figures, comic books etc.

I attended an all male high school, which proved to be a much better social environment for me. I made a lot of friends, but I wouldn't say my social skills were very good. I think I compensated for my lack of social skills by learning how to amuse people with my particular sense of humor. I compensated for my poor social skills by learning how to dress "cool" (it was so amusing to me that people treated me different for this). I often say things in a way that I later realize was rude, or offensive. I have to try really hard to remember to make people who don't know me well feel comfortable, and to be friendly. I find it difficult to extend myself emotionally to my friends, and I often find my friends grow apart from me when we don't have geographic proximity because of this.

I have always been excessively logical in my social interactions. I am confused, for example, when people act in accordance with stereotypes, because I've always been hyperaware of most stereotypes and tried to never act in accordance with them (for example, I was extremely disturbed by the fact that one of my friends acted differently around a girl he liked, and I destroyed our friendship over it). I think I can read people's faces pretty well, but I'm pretty slow on the uptake, and often don't react quickly enough. In emotional matters, I often feel like I have a very thick forcefield up, one that can be penetrated, but it takes a long time, and a lot of work. I often feel like I'm an observer of other people, and they are the ones who are really living.

I have an IQ of 150+ (that's as high as the test went; it was administered by my psychologist when I was 16), however I failed several subjects in high school. I also have terrible handwriting, and very poor organization in school (I've been successful in higher education). In the past, I somehow attributed my difficutly in socializing to my IQ. I think the Asperger's is probably a factor in my IQ: I have an exceptional memory and extremely good logical and 3-D spacial skills.

I often do things that may be "stimming" (not sure) such as scrunching my face and blinking very hard when I'm trying to concentrate. I sometimes rub my legs, figit excessively, etc. I had attributed this obsessive compulsive disorder. I also believe I am dysthymic.

I have difficulty knowing when physical contact is appropriate, such as hugging, shaking hands, kissing etc. of people other than my wife and my parents. I have always tried to learn rules for when to do these things, and get very preoccupied with it if the situation seems to be diverging from my set situations.

I get exteremely uncomfortable when I'm passing someone in the hall or on the street. I don't know whether to make eye contact, smile, look down etc. It causes a great deal of stress. I try to smile and not look down, and to make eye contact, but, as each person reacts differently to this I'm often unsettled by the response that I get.

My father is definitely dysthymic. His father almost certainly had Aspergers (solitary, silent, extremely skilled and obsessed with mechanical devices, hated being touched, often yelled, very consistent habits, depression).

I think Asperger's helps explain what I've dealt with all my life. However I don't really think I would call it a disorder per se. As I said earlier, I think my high IQ is attributable in part to these Asperger's tendencies. I think it's all bound up together, and I really can't view it as a negative thing, although my childhood was difficult. Ultimately, I think my level of Asperger's is a personality trait, and it's one that I'm becoming better and better at dealing with, especially now that I can pinpoint the types of behaviors that have driven a wedge between me and my friends and other people, and can work at overcoming those things.

One thing I'm concerned about is how to deal with this issue with my children. I think there's a fairly high chance that they'll be similar to me (my wife has similar disorders / syndromes in her family history). I'm curious how to help my children assimilate into school and society when I know how challenging it can be.

Also, my wife doesn't want to hear that I have Asperger's because she thinks I'll use it as an excuse for my behavior. I view it more as an explanation for what I've dealt with, and I would really like for her to look at the situation more objectively.

Thanks for reading my story.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Are you the official WP welcome-wagon?

Yes. hes the elder-greetsman.

Welcome to WP.

zappo, raise your kids as if its a gift. It is. If you are married with kids, you are pretty much as functional an aspie as any.

I have a career counselor, and her advice is to speak in positive terms. Dont say, "I cannot do this because...", but rather place it in terms of "I do best when its quiet" or whatever conditions you wish to eliminate/avoid. She says that people go out of their way to make you more effective, functional, happy. But you gotta spin it in positive terms.

Good luck to you. Ask all the questions you have!

Welcome! We're glad to have you here.

I hear you. I have a female NT relative who has been giving me the same grief. You can probably shelve the idea of getting her to look at it objectively, but you might be able to show her how it would benefit her if you figure out the root causes of your behavior, so that you are better able to tackle the parts that can and should be improved.

Hopefully she'll become more supportive. For most adult aspies there is a lot of adjustment to go through once they realize they might have AS. It would be most helpful to have those you love on your side as you figure it all out.

Welcome to WP