The impact that past events have had on my mental health

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Recently, it was suggested to me that I had rejection sensitive dysphoria, because nowadays I’m always bothered by women rejecting me because of how many times it has happened.

That would also tie into similar feelings I get when I feel so hurt by criticism, to the point that in some cases the tears will start flowing.

The common denominator is that I won’t even know I’m doing something wrong until after the fact. It will sound as if I’m being judged. They say things in a way that make it sound like I’m the dumbest, most incompetent person in the world. It’s piled up so much that in recent years I’ll get suicidal thoughts whenever something like this happens. I don’t have a strong urge to actually do anything, but the thoughts are there.

I actually don’t have anything else to say.

{{{{ cubs }}}}

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time.

What types of treatment or strategies have you looked into?

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I have a similar condition but it's not quite the same thing. I have had this since I was a little kid. It's like RSD but on steroids. So I have been regularly suicidal since I was ten. Because what I have is actually a function that is missing that is causing this, literally like a brain function, there is nothing that I can do about it and it's just something that I have to live with. It's like if you are born without an arm, you can't just magically grow one to replace it. And before people talk about the fact that all kinds of prosthetics exist for people who are missing limbs so that they can function in a "normal" fashion, the key word here is, "exist." In order to get and use a prosthetic, the prosthetic has to actually exist. So for me, there is absolutely nothing I can do about my specific issue because nothing exists to cure it.

But I don't think that is the case with RSD. As far as I know, I think there are effective therapies for RSD if you want to go that route. But I do know how you feel and I want you to know that you are not alone. It's a debilitating condition. Don't let anyone gaslight you about it. I know how hard it is because of the condition that I have. I suggest that you look into treatments available in your area or even remotely. That can really make a difference for you. Massive hugs. Keep us posted.

Well, I’ve kinda gotten myself to take at least a little bit of a break from thinking about finding a girlfriend now. Lately It’s been more about thinking deeper into things have gotten to where I am now.
I just now found this article. There’s a line in here about differences in brain structure, which I think that alone explains a lot about why my life has been the way it’s been.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/d ... phoria-rsd

Glad to hear from people who understand for once. I'll just say that I do have a therapist that I have been seeing for 13 years. I'm not really sure what other therapists could provide that my current one can't. I might just have to bring this up with her at my next session.

Do you have ADHD, and if you do are you taking meds?

yes and yes

It's hard to keep going on knowing that people judge me and "hold me accountable" for things. Especially your own autism group friends.

People can never seem to really get me. Not even fellow autistic people. Too many people like to make ridiculous assessments about things. I’m gonna have a hard time trusting people going forward.

What is that people are "holding you accountable" for? Are you saying that they believe you did something wrong that you should somehow make up for, or apologize for, but you don't feel you did anything bad and that you are being misunderstood? If that's the case, maybe your therapist can help you identify the behaviors that other people are misunderstanding and that are causing other people to judge you unfairly. Even if you are not actually doing anything wrong, there might be a practical way to change your outward behaviors (maybe with help from your therapist) so that they are not as likely to be misunderstood. Without knowing more specifically what it is that people are judging you for, it's hard to give specific advice, but it's often a problem for people on the spectrum that we are too blunt or say unexpected things too suddenly, and it causes other people to react badly.

I made a post about it in Social Skills And Making Friends.