Selfdiagnosed autism/unmasking

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Hi! Maybe a common question. I am now +40. Have read a lot about autism and I feel more and more that I am on the spectrum.

I have many and intense interests since young like fantasy, sports, gaming, yoga and languages. I like to talk about them.

I have difficulties with sarcasm, and problems with eyecontact and I probably stim. I ve always been clumsy especially as a small which led to me being bullied. I tend connect with people with similar characteristics and I often feel a bit different. Difficult to explain, I am more detailed than others, more intense and I believe I have masked a lot. Now I am maybe unmasking myself?

I read the book Unmasking autism by Devon Price and that has made me think a lot. I ve talked to my therapist and she has told me that probably you ”tick in ” in a lot of the boxes but that I am too social and that I manage my life well thus not needing support.

I am not sure what to make of it. Still I feel like I am helped by books about autism and also to connect to similar style like me. And also to certain youtubers.

I know you cant tell me if I am neurodiverse or not. But maybe some of you are or have been in a similar situtation?

Have a nice day!

The only way to know for sure is to consult an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional.

What has been suggested to me is that whether or not you qualify for a diagnosis of ASD, if you have characteristics or traits that are similar, or that might actually be ASD traits even if you don't tick all the boxes, you can still benefit from the same life strategies that are recommended for ASD. (What those strategies might be is a lot more nebulous for me. Personally, I have not found any therapies or even just practical tips that have been helpful, but that's another matter.)

True. I believe so too since I benefit from a lot of advice and strategies. Thanks for your answer.

From what I can tell, that's pretty normal for those of us that managed to slip through the cracks. Especially those of us that are old enough to have been teens or older before knowledge of various other forms of autism were recognized.

Really, whether or not you have quite enough of the boxes to tick to have ASD or not is probably not as important in a practical sense as it might seem. Either way, you're going to want to work to find ways of accommodating your needs. And really, even knowing what those needs are can be hard.

Whether you want to go for a formal diagnosis or not is partially a matter of preference and partially a matter of availability/affordability. I'll be getting a formal diagnoses later this year because being 42 and having lived all those decades without knowing this stuff makes it kind of hard to really accept that this is the thing that ties most of that stuff together. But, it's purely optional in most cases.

And I do think that things do get a bit easier, and more obvious, as you figure out things that you can do to accommodate yourself, even if you're only comfortable doing so in private.

That being said, if you think you're ND, you're probably not wrong and as you experiment with stimming and the various other "quirky" things that we do you'll probably find that it's more comfortable anyways.

Thanks for replies so far. Very helpful to me.

You are right. We can't diagnose you here.

And there may be additional factors complicating the picture:
 ► Many Autism traits are not unique to Autism...they are also seen in other diagnoses.
 ► It is possible to have Autism traits but not enough so to qualify for an Autism diagnosis.

When my bride and I concluded I had Autistic traits I wasn't sure whether I was almost Autistic or barely Autistic. And I wanted to know for sure...otherwise if I told anyone I would feel it necessary to qualify what I said to indicate I wasn't sure. (Other folk have clearer Autism traits than I do and could have more confidence in a self-diagnosis.)

You might be able to double-check your suspicions with these on-line tests:
 ► Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ)
 ► Aspie Quiz ^{Registering is optional!}
It was AQ that convinced me my suspicions had merit and it was worth pursuing a formal assessment.

Good luck! I hope you find this medical adventure pleasant and informative.

Welcome! You are not alone! yes, It took a long time for me to connect my oddity "quirks" and struggles with autism, and I even had friends who were autistic, had family members who were undiagnosed autistic, and worked at a sheltered care facility for autistic kids. I finally got diagnosis at age 68. Its never too late to benefit from the insights that knowing about your autism can give you. Keep exploring, learn all you can about the traits of autism and eventually you will decide for sure, yes you are likely autistic, or no, its not you. Either way, you are most welcome here and questions about autism are answered by many who have lifetimes of experience being autistic . It is a lot to process, this change from "mainstream" to autistic self identity. Take your time, give yourself a lot of self care, self compassion, and credit for making it so far in this difficult world. Once I was sure I am autistic/ was diagnosed, things kept getting better as I learned to do self care, make accommodations and most of all forgive myself for all those years where I was blamed and shamed for "lack of performance/ bad behavior/ etc" when nobody knew. It was a huge relief to finally learn everything about my miserable past was not "all my fault" after all.

That's what my therapist and psych said when I asked about autism being a possibility..... "it's possible, but you must have learned how to manage it well if you have a job".

I will say that my understanding is that autistic people can be social in some cases, we may just have a lot of trouble with social cues. I was super social as a child and didn't start withdrawing into myself until about age 14 or so. Some autistic traits I've adapted out of, I think, and others that remain include taking people too literally and not always catching when people are joking.
(I am waiting on official testing in a few weeks, but I'm fairly certain that I'm probably autistic.)

It's a journey with no quick answers, professional diagnosis or not.

It is difficult to believe you were bullied for only being clumsy. ASD is a developmental disorder and your childhood problems are more telling than adult problems. There should have been signs then. Your success as an adult is not that relevant, as many famous autistics have demonstrated.

Yes, and it's worth noting that even if one is "just outside" that does not necessarily mean that the traits can't be severe enough to justify reorganizing one's life to better deal with them. It just means that one or more of the criteria weren't met as recognized by the diagnosing clinician.

I get annoyed by these "experts" who think that because we've survived until midlife without a diagnosis that means we don't need one. It's so invalidating. All because they don't recognise:

(a) Aspergers or higher functioning autism was not a recognised condition when we were kids. So lack of diagnosis has absolutely no bearing on whether or not we're autistic.

(b) We're like the duck in the pond, looking as though we're doing OK but paddling desperately beneath the surface.

(c) We are constantly balanced on the edge in our social and workplace relations, much more likely to lose our jobs and our friends and end up isolated and mentally ill.

(d) The suicide rate for autistics - particularly those who are "high functioning" and/or mask well - is something like 4 times higher than for the general population.

If you think you may be autistic, don't feel you have to accept these people's brush-off. They don't know what they are talking about.

It's also important for us to know so we can get supports as parents.
Parenting is an unbelievably overwhelming task for people on the spectrum.
Autistic women have a higher rate of getting divorced than NTs.
We also have a far less chance of remarrying than men or NT women.
That means there are many single autistic mothers out there somewhere.



I know OP is male - I'm just putting this out there.

This caused a big-time generational rift on this board from about 2014 to 2016. I am so happy that is long over.

Thanks for all the answers most helpful. I did the tests that some of you recommended

43 of 50 (I think it was the ”ordinary” aspie quiz)

And and longer questionaire with 120+ questions where I got 135 of 200 and my nt score was 89 of 200.

I think the term need here is a bit on the strong side. Very little of that requires a formal diagnosis and given how hard those can be to get, I wouldn't want to tell anybody that they have to have one, because they probably don't.

That being said, they can be very helpful in terms of ruling other things out and identifying any other conditions that are involved in one's own lived experience. It does make it a bit easier to accept that this is a real thing in one's life rather than just copying other people. And while not a legal requirement, it does make it easier to use protections against discrimination under the ADA at work or school have more legitimacy and be harder for them to brush off.

I definitely agree that it should be non-negotiable that people who are ASD need to find ways of modifying as much of their personal environment as possible to better suit them.

Personally, I will be getting the formal diagnosis and I definitely wouldn't tell people not to get it if they feel the need to and have the ability to get it done. But, I do think that people underestimate just how much more support there is available now than in the past. When I was evaluated 15+ years ago, there really wasn't much that a diagnosis as an adult got you that. And the woman doing the evaluation didn't bother to give me any leads for managing it on my own. From what I've read, there wasn't much as there hadn't even been any real studies of masked ASD adults until just a few years earlier and the research remains rather sparse even now.