How do you cope with touch starvation?

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I assume this problem is related to ASD because it's so hard to find advice on this, but I often go long periods of time between having partners that I can make any sort of physical contact with, sexual or otherwise. Often I find myself staring at the ceiling ruminating on how badly I just need to be held, feel another person pressed against me, have someone hold my hand, etc. Sometimes, I get so stuck in this thought loop that it can completely derail me from thinking about most other things.

I have a cat, but that isn't a perfect substitute. I used to have friends that I could cuddle with or enjoyed other types of physical contact, but now they are all in relationships and are no longer comfortable doing that. I don't really crave sex right now, and it seems that by asking people for this kind of contact implies that.

Do any of you deal with this? And if so, how have you learned to cope?

Often I find myself staring at the ceiling ruminating on how badly I just need to be held, feel another person pressed against me, have someone hold my hand, etc.
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I have a cat, but that isn't a perfect substitute.
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Do any of you deal with this? And if so, how have you learned to cope?

Wait, that’s a real thing?

Indeed. The condition seems to be more common in countries that are becoming increasingly touch averse.

For example, a 2015 study measured to what degree people welcomed touch in five countries. Finland and France were found to be at the top, while the United Kingdom was at the bottom.

Why cultures vary in their acceptance of touch, no one is sure. It may be due to the rise in technology use, a fear of touching being viewed as inappropriate, or cultural factors.

But research from 2014 has found that missing out on regular human touch can have some serious and long-lasting effects.

Does it only apply to sensual touch?

Definitely not. Any and all positive touch is considered beneficial.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, many people are losing out on workplace handshakes, friendly hugs, or pats on the back, which can result in feelings of touch starvation.

For some, the pandemic has also brought a decline in sensual touching, such as holding hands, back scratching, and foot rubbing, too.

Scientists have found that a system of nerve fibers, called C-tactile afferents, exists to recognize any form of gentle touch.

In fact, according to a 2017 study, the ideal touching speed is about 3 centimeters per second.

This releases oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone.”

Why is touch important?

Skin-to-skin contact is vital not only for mental and emotional health but physical health, too.

When you feel snowed under or pressured, the body releases the stress hormone cortisol. One of the biggest things touch can do is reduce such stress, allowing the immune system to work the way it should.

Touch can also calm certain bodily functions, such as your heart rate and blood pressure.

It does so by stimulating pressure receptors that transport signals to the vagus nerve. This nerve connects the brain to the rest of the body. It uses the signals to slow the pace of the nervous system.

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What if you don’t particularly like being touched — can you still be touch starved?

Some people closely link touch with trust. If they don’t trust a person, they’re unlikely to want that person to touch them. But that doesn’t mean they don’t long for the benefits of a hug or handshake.

For example, not liking touch is sometimes reported by people on the neurodiverse spectrum and people who are asexual.

If you can’t touch safely

Maybe you’re one of the 35.7 million Americans who live alone. Or maybe you live with people who work in high-risk settings. Or perhaps touch in pandemic circumstances just isn’t worth the risk to you.

In these and countless other scenarios, you may not have the opportunity for touch, or you may not feel safe with any human touch right now. There are still ways you can help satisfy your touch hunger — without physical contact.

Try the tips below. They might not be the real thing, but they do provide human contact and interaction:

Meet new people or connect with friends online. Technology provides many ways for online contact. Try video chat or virtual exercise classes or book clubs.
Wave to neighbors or passersby. Most of us take a daily walk. Try waving and maybe even meeting new people, from a physical distance, of course.
Host an online dinner. Invite family and friends to share a meal via a video app like Skype or FaceTime.
Connect via text and email. Be sure to use lots of emojis or gifs that emphasize physical touch, like thumbs-up or waving hands.
Talk with neighbors outside. Chat at a safe distance through a window or from a porch or backyard.
Try new outdoor group activities. Some group activities let you be with others without the risk involved in close quarters or touching. Try classes that involve physical distancing like yoga, painting, or tai chi.

Touch starvation refers to the longing for touch or physical contact from other living beings. It typically occurs when a person experiences little to no physical contact for a prolonged amount of time.

Humans are largely social beings, and some research suggests that many people feel comfort, security, and satisfaction from physical contact. Deprivation of physical touch may result in people experiencing negative sensations, such as feelings of emptiness and loneliness.

There may be a growing number of people experiencing touch starvation due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. Physical distancing and social restrictions to limit the spread of the SARS-CoV-2 virus are limiting exposure to other people and reducing physical contact between humans.

People may also refer to touch starvation as touch depression, touch deprivation, affection deprivation, touch hunger, or skin hunger.

This article will discuss what touch starvation is, its potential psychological complications, and some ways to help prevent it.

Humans braved the prehistoric elements by banding together and keeping in close contact through the night—to share the warmth of others as well as be more prepared to stave off predatory threats. Today, many of us still feel that ancient need to be surrounded by others and to feel a deep sense of satisfaction and security through human touch. When we are unable to satisfy the need for physical connection, the ache that results has been termed “hug deprivation,” “touch starvation,” “skin hunger,” and “affection deprivation.” Whatever we choose to name it, people know when they feel it.

Human touch is a legitimate physical and emotional need, although everyone has different levels of the longing for touch. There are, indeed, some who are repelled by physical touch, and so those who tend to throw a big bear hug around others should bear in mind that touch should not be forced on anyone and it’s always best to confirm that your embrace is welcome prior to moving too far too fast.

The benefits of human touch are many and it can act as a “magic bullet” for emotional distress. Being touched by someone we trust can lessen feelings of isolation, loneliness, stress, anxiety, depression, and sleep disruptions. Not only does physical touch positively affect our emotional wellbeing, but a reassuring touch from another also has physiological benefits, including:

Calming the nervous system
Boosting dopamine production
Positively influencing the serotonin system
Spurring production of oxytocin, the bonding hormone
Reducing the production of stress hormones (cortisol)
Lowering blood pressure and heart rate
Improving healing and decrease pain