Me, my brother, my nephew: the AS family Robinson

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The main question is straight-forward: what is the prevalence of AS in families? How genetic is it?

This is my first post, so some backgrounding might in order. Ignore the rest of this crap if you already have heard this one before. It basically cooks down to me, my brother and his son all display AS and I happen to be the most functional of the group.

So, to the circus we go:

I am a classic AS case to the best I can figure. Read an entire encyclopedia set as kid. Still love to read Wikipedia in any spare time. Was in the gifted program, even though I was rather of the opinion that I deserved more credit than some crappy passive voice misuse of the word gift by people trying to blame my intelligence on a invisible father-figure. Still have my dinosaur books (Bakker rocks). Played multiple instruments, chorus, took all the art and math classes the school offered. Tried the computer classes but tired of being able to teach better than the damned teacher.

A trail of report cards full of comments like "Has trouble socializing" and "Smart kids often have difficulty with their classmates" and so on.

In HS, I can recall a girl who liked me a lot actually drew me a damned picture to explain it to me in detail, and I still didn't get it. She must have like me a lot, because most women eventually give up trying to explain their feelings to me and just move on. Although, it is impressive the number of women who think a physical relationship will do the trick (it's fun, but doesn't actually get the point across).

I finished two degrees (a BS and a BA) in 3 1/2 years because I figured out that I could not squeeze 128 credits into any fewer years (some of the classes were enrolled seniors only), but I could get 160 credits to squeeze into 3 1/2 years easily.

I am self-employed as a computer programmer and database administrator, and barely have to work twenty hours a week to make ends meet easily. I live in a fairly rural area, and am the only person for about three counties who seems to be able to actually do what I do. I turn down a lot of work because I'm lazy and just don't give a s**t as long as the electric bill is paid in full.

I spent a long time knowing I wasn't the same as anyone else in school. My junior year of HS I was absent 80 days and suspended for 36 (mostly fighting and swearing and insubordination) and still passed. Of course, the once every twelve months intervention by some seemingly well-intentioned person bored the s**t out of me.

My bio teacher probably got the closest to how I was, telling me "I have kids who come in here every day trying to convince me they're smart, and you're smarter than all of them and all you want to do is act like you're ret*d."

That would have been significantly funnier to me had I know the close relationship between AS and autism. And, yup, I am enough of a prick that I find that funny even if it portends the possibility I might end up with a son with autism should I ever figure out what these women really mean by this mushy stuff, get married and decide to not use birth control.

With the emergent popularity of the term "Asperger's Syndrome" I started to get a bead on the problem. I'm 29 and it doesn't do me a hell of a lot of good by this point, but now I get to my question...

My brother is 31 and has a four year old son.

My brother is actually more AS than me. He is shockingly narrower in focus than me, solely interested in cars. He is the kind of guy who can bore out a four-cylinder motor to practically nothing, run performance fuel in it and somehow the damn thing doesn't just split in half. And he will not EVER just STFU about cars. You cannot have a conversation with him, because he will steer it back to the only thing known to mankind that matters -- friggin cars!! !

His boy is somehow, amazingly enough, worse than him. Of course, watching him now, I get what was funny to everyone when I was kid. Frankly, it's hilarious to watch him interact with anyone about anything.

Well, as long as you don't go near the subject of his train set. He even once initiated an hour-long monologue about the way the different sets of hitches (one set is a standard model train, the other was an oversized kids set; hence the hitches are different). Not even the subject of the train set. Just the damned hitches!! ! HITCHES!! !! !! !! On a friggin toy!! ! By about fifteen minutes, I tried to explain to him that, "Yes, I do get it. There is great diversity in the ways toy trains are connected. And they're all very blessed in their own unique, beautiful and truly interesting ways. Now please, shut up, kid."

I learned, especially in my early 20s, that my endless prattling really tired people. It's an important part of functioning in the world. Most people would rather discuss movies and weather and maybe politics in an even numbered year. They're seeking a sense of belonging. A sense that whatever is wrong with themselves and the world that there are people there to help them, love them and forgive.

Not sure why that's valuable to them, but I get that it is. I mean, hell, bullfighting is still popular in Mexico. Don't quite get the point in that, either. But, that's just what some people value.

Of course, deep down I'd like to discuss hardening servers against random exploits. But very, very few want to have that discussion, and the majority of the ones that do are too stupid for their own good and just hoping I will be like most AS people and carry their water for them.

I worry quite a bit because almost ever AS person I know has a big sign screaming "Screw me over at every turn, if at all possible". With that many words it has to be a big sign.

I remember at my last job before I decided to go into business for myself there was a kid there who could program computers like he was God. Insanely good. I needled around at him for a while and figured out that despite working there for a long time, and having a better degree than I have he was working for less money. The owner was a classic as*hole alpha male who was convinced he could turn anything into money. With labor costs as low as he was getting, maybe he wasn't too wrong. The owner couldn't even code. He just realized that a lot of coders prefer to avoid business meeting, and will gladly let someone else take two-thirds of the pot in exchange for never having to talk to clients.

Same thing goes for my brother working as a mechanic. He works both in a garage and with a racing team. In both cases he is asked to do tons and not paid even close to his ability.

I worry that without some help all the males in my family will suffer the same fate until the end of time.

And now, take a breath. Somewhere in there I suppose there is a gist beyond my initial question. But, I know I've way overstayed my welcome so I'll pause and see what others say.

Whoops. Logged in as my Mum. I'll go post in my own name.

Helen

Loved your post! My husband has AS. We have 3 sons aged 9, 7 and 4. The older two have been diagnosed with AS and the third is showing some signs.

I loved the way you write - if I wasn't already happily married .........

I do have a single sister!

Re dinosaurs - my 7 year old has been into dinosaurs since he was about 2. He sounds like a textbook when he starts discussing dinosaurs. His favourite dinosaur is ceratosaurus. He often takes his dinosaur books to school and constantly corrects his teacher's incorrect pronounciations.

Enjoy WP.

Helen

It certainly runs in families. It does in mine.

I'm certain that my father is AS, his father was, and one of his brothers is. My mother is NT. I suspect that in addition to me, at least 3 of my 5 siblings are somewhere on the spectrum.

Oldest Brother is very intelligent, was very into Atari, computers, leggos as a kid. He was more social, but drawn into things like the Drama Club and had a small social circle. He's a know-it-all, cocky, insensitive a***hole just like my dad. He got a degree in Biology and works for a pharmaceutical company. He does not get run-over at work becasue he is over-confident about his abilities and has actually lost jobs in the past due to his cockiness. He's married to a woman who can't have children and he likes that. He always was a jerk to the rest of us kids and none of us really get along with him.

2nd brother was very much a loner, into games but never into computers(still not), leggos, animals(to the extreme), and had a fascination with plants. He is a botanist, making next to nothing and always is taken advantage of by work and girlfriends. He wants desperately to find a nice girl that won't walk all over him, but he always seems to atract the same type. He would love to get married and have a family. He's very sensitive and sweet.

I am much like 2nd brother, but was even more of a loner, was a huge bookworm, read Encyclopedias, did all the extra credit work I could at school, spent my recess and breaks reading a book, never understood other girls, and always had guys for friends. I did independednt Study for 2 year of HS and loved it. I could get all the work done for the entire week in one day and had lots of free time to read, sew(one of my interests), play with our menagerie of animals, and write books for my little sisters. I had severe anxiety issues in school and would fake illnesses constantly because I couldn't handle the social pressure and dysphoria caused with transitions to new HS, etc. I am also very uncoordinated and clumsy.

3rd brother was Dyslexic, had a violent streak, was more ADD. He was obsessed with leggos and would build intricate buildings, airplanes, all kinds of things. He wa also very into animals. He's cocky like oldest bro- overly confident in his abilities and has a very narcissistic personality, but deep down he's very sweet to the people he likes and gets along with- a complete a***hole to those he doesn't.

Middle sister might be slightly on the spectrum, I'm not sure.

Baby sister is definitely NT

My husband is much like me. He would read encyclopedias, was obsessed with building things with leggos, was in gifted programs, was clumsy, was "nerdy", obsessed with painting figures for RPGS and models, etc.

Our bio daughter(age9) was officially diagnosed this past summer as AS/HFA. We suspected she was Autistic since she was a baby. She's quiet, reserved, shy, bookwormy, had an obsession with cats since she was 3 and has done multiple "reports" on different breeds of cats, she's creative and artistic.


I suspect that hubby's father is AS as well as his G-pa. They are not social creatures, are more loners, and have interests/obsessions.


BTW, my adopted son is mostl likely HFA/AS too. No genetic link, just luck of the draw. LOL!

This sounds a lot like me. I will bet you that I can still name any dinosaur discovered before 1988 (when I got more into computers and stopped keeping track of dinosaur species).
But actually I have one specific thing I want to ask about- what sort of work do you do that allows you to only work 20 hours a week? That would be heaven for me- I'm a computer programmer, but I find that after a few months of writing monotonous accounting software I just can't make myself do it anymore and quit until I run out of money and have to find work again. I suppose I could get into some kind of contract programming but the logistics involved- trying to find jobs and talking to people on the phone- is way too stressful to be worth it. And with a steady job everyone wants you to work full time. And in the middle of some huge urban chaos zone.
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By the way, I have also noticed that it definitely runs in families- my dad and my brother are both just like me. Also I have a schizophrenic uncle on my dad's side, and my dad's other brother is also a recluse. It's all OK though.

welcome to WP

me(female), my father, my nephews (2 males).

great post, well written. you've done really well mate, self employed and only need to work part time. you're ahead of the pack already. enjoy it.

one of the most common ways older adults find out about the condition is thru children in the family being dx'ed.

I decided not to have children when i was about 13, i didn't know what i had, i just knew i didn't want anyone else to have it, plus I was very disillusioned with family life. Plenty of AS people do have kids and are happy with that choice. Up to you. I couldn't stand the noise myself, i hate childrens voices. It's called being childfree, not childless and there's a lot to be said for it. I've been participating in online childfree groups for a while and certainly a proportion of people in those groups have something in the genepool they don't want to pass on. There's a dating/social club called No Kidding for childfree people to meet. I'm a happy loner myself.

hope you enjoy it here.

In my family I am AS my grandad was almost certainly AS, my dad is almost certainly AS, one of my cousins on dads side is AS and my cousin on dads side has two AS sons.

Jennyfoo,

Your 9 year old daughter and I could be soulmates! I too, am a big cat lover and reader. She and I could find a lot of common ground.