"You do you"

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This is going to be hard to articulate clearly...

I'm often advised "you do you", which apparently means "be yourself". And yet when I want feedback on anything, they all seem to offer conflicting viewpoints, and I don't like to hurt anyone's feelings by not accepting their viewpoints.

For instance, I have an idea for how to improve a Disney park, but not everyone seems to agree with me on my ideas, such as their placement. And yet, I'm told "you do you", even though I'm trying to make everyone happy (or at least as many people as possible happy).

How can I "do me" even if it means being disagreed with?

Being yourself will often put you at odds with other people. "you do you" doesn't mean you are obligated to make everyone else happy. It means you do what makes YOU happy.

You can disagree with others (and they with you) and still remain friends with them. No one will ever be able to please everyone else all the time...that doesn't mean you dislike them (or they you. Sometime we have to agree to disagree. There is nothing wrong with that.

you're not a powerful exec on the board of directors of Disney anyway. So no one is gonna implement your ideas even if they liked them.

So I am not sure what the issue is.

But I am guessing that you dont understand why folks say "you do you" or "whatever floats your boat" instead of saying "WOW that would be a great idea!".

But my guess is...that they are just being polite and are really saying "I dont get your idea", or "I do like your idea" or "thats a weird dumb idea".

You could ask the person WHY they dont like your ideas for Disneyland. You might get into an interesting conversation with the person about the relative merits of stuff at themeparks. And you might get an education about how most folks may differ from you in priorities about that sorta stuff.

OR...they might get pissed off at you and never speak to you again.

It all depends.

In the context you've given, those people who are saying "YDY" are giving up trying to explain something to you. You are not understanding what they are telling you. Be them wrong or right. That's all it means.

It means to do what makes you happy.

Back in the 1980s, a friend complained that her peers mocked her for dressing 'butch' and owning a motorcycle.

I said "You do you" and played her this song from a cassette (start at about 0:30).  She called it her theme song:



And if it's bad
Don't let it get you down, you can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry, you can make it

[Chorus]
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head high
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head high

[Instrumental Break 01:22-01:36]

[Verse 2]
And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes on you moving
And if they shout
Don't let it change a thing that you're doing

[Chorus]
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head high
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head high

[Instrumental Break 02:18-04:26]
[Organ Solo]

[Bridge]
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up
Hold your head up

[Chorus]
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head high
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head high

[Verse 3]
And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes on you moving
And if they shout
Don't let it change a thing that you're doing

[Outro]
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman

I think of "you do you" as an accepting and compassionate sentiment. To me it means, "You should go ahead and feel free to do what interests you, and to do it in whatever way works for you, and that's fine, whatever it is and however you do it, and I will accept that that's how you want it to be."

But it isn't saying, "Therefore I will agree with everything you say and say yes to everything that you want." It also means, "You do your thing, and the implication is that I am also free to do my thing."

You will be disagreed with and you won't make everyone happy. It's just not possible, ever, to please everyone or to come up with an idea that everyone will agree with. But that's fine.

I think maybe what you're getting at is that "You do you" feels dismissive and condescending to you. I don't think that's how it's usually intended, but it could be used that way, and maybe it's true people are dismissing you and condescending to you, but, although it can hurt, it's okay. You don't have to please them all the time, or any of the time for that matter. And they can just not take an interest in what you want or say, even though it's not nice.

Nothing to do with the subject.

Obviously the term YDY is SUPPOSED to be an "accepting and compassionate" way to say "you do you're own thing".

But he is asking about why they use it in particular situations- situations in which "doing your own thing" isnt even the subject, and responding to him with that expression seems like an inane non sequitur.

In the situations he is asking about folks use it in response to him making suggestions about a certain corporation (Disney) should entertain the public at its parks. So folks probably use it as a polite way to dismiss him, or even politely dis him.

Did you not read all the way to the end of my post?

That's what I was kind of hoping for, a compliment of that nature.



I tend to overthink my ideas before I share them precisely because I'm worried they will say that they don't like my idea, because if they don't like my idea, then it must be a bad one. And if just "do me", then isn't that kind of selfish?

You say it can hurt like it's a good thing.

It's definitely not a good thing. That was not my intention at all. I'm sorry.

But you said that it's okay if it hurts.

The problem is two fold. From their end: they use the expression in a way that doesnt make any sense- as a response to something that it doesnt even make sense as a response to. And from your end:you dont pick up on what they are really saying to you when they say it.

If you wanted to tattoo a third eyeball onto your forehead because you thought it would be cool - but were struggling with the decision to actually do it... I might say to you "you do you" ( just suit yourself- even if you MUST do something unorthodox and odd) because the topic is something you're doing with and to yourself. Its not being "selfish". Just your own self expression.

But if you wanted to say redesign jet airliners so as to improve air travel in some way then its 'you doing the whole public'. Not just you doing yourself. So 'you doing you' has nothing to do with it. The later is the same as with you wanting to do redesign Disneyland. Its about your idea for a public thing-not you "doing you".

But by the same token ...you have to be aware that they use a bs response like that precisely to avoid having to say unpleasant things to you that they may really mean.


What they are really saying is "you're obsessing about something that I dont care about so dont bother me about it", or "its a dumb idea because you have priorities about Disneyland that no one but you has because you're a weirdo". Or something along those lines.

Sorry to break it to you.

It doesn't exactly mean 'be yourself', it's more like do what makes you happy, what works for you, what you enjoy or what's true to yourself...things along those lines.

You're going to get conflicting feedback from people because people are diverse and all have their own thoughts, preferences, and so on. There is no one universal way for people to think...even things that the majority of people like, there are still tons of people who will dislike that thing. And that's okay. It keeps things interesting and is what makes us all unique beings.

You doing you has nothing to do with other people approving or making them happy. In fact. it's the opposite.