Promotion in your job. Getting a position in management.

Post Reply New Topic

I'm a student in my last year. Soon I'll face having a job. Chances are real that I'll end up somewhere in management, at least if it's up to my diploma.

However, generally in companies, promotion doesn't depend on how good you work, how good you can program, solve problems, etc.... Promotion depends on your social skills. But that's exactly what I lack, and I especially lack them in new situations like working in some company.

They say it's important to build a NETWORK of people.

Are there aspies out there (or out on this forum!) who managed to get some high position in management in their company, or who have received promotion?

Do you think it's possible to learn the skills required to make friends with bosses and learn the social skills required to be successful at work?

What's important to know? How to become "friends" with your boss, or how to start having contact with the right people at the right time? How to know who are the right people and what is the right time, and how to actually MAKE this contact? What to say? How to start saying something? How to make it so that they will start saying something to you too? And so on!

I can start asking more and more detailed questions, because just some general hints aren't enough for an aspie like me, I need to know exact steps that match an exact situation, for every situation possilble, or some general "algorithm" that makes it possible for me to know exactly what to do in what situation...

Please help me out. Thanks!

Last edited by hybrid on 04 Jun 2006, 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

By the way one more little question to people in such positions: is making the right friends at work, something you do purely to be able to receive promotion and build a network, or is it also possible to enjoy it, have a good time with these people and truly see them as a friend?

yes this is a problem with aspies... a lack of "inate" social skills.............yes aspies do lack social skills and prefer isolation but women are better at pretendong than men and so tend to do better in this respect.
the problem with acquiring social skills as you have asked...in a very specific and exact way is that...nt's will pick up that your social skills are learnt and this can have a worse effec, that you are "false"
you need to be very very carefull here..as aspies are good at rote learning what to do in very specific situations how to respond and what to say as long as it is rehearsed...the trouble with social skills is that they cant all be rehearsed. and when you dont have them but try to learn them it does appear false to a lot of nt's.
social ettiquette and the rules of networking can be rehearsed...but that murky area or trying to cultivate a relationship through close social interaction well this is difficult...good luck.

I am inclined to diagree with donkey, yes aspies do have to learn social skills and for a while it is rote, but after a while (i know this from experience) that those social skills became innate after a while like NTs. I am lucky in the fact I got diagnosed when I was real young (PDD NOS) and was able to get early intervention. Basic social skills were taught to me at a very young age, when the brain is still prime for learning. The rest of my social skills I had to learn through "the school of hard knocks' (i.e being bullied/picked on, research, trial & error) and after a couple years of practicing it now comes naturally to me(unless I am in a bad mood)

I realize that alot of you were probably diagnosed alot later so it was/is alot harder for you. But nothing is in impossible if you really put your mind to it.

But as far as management goes, alot of people aren't meant to be manager not just aspies. Managing people is not easy, it's not just about social skills. It's about using good judgement, being level headed, taking the iniatitive, and being superior in your field. Not easy to pull off, thats why they get paid the big bucks. So if you don't end up in a management position, don't just chalk it up to being an aspie and beat yourself up, just realize you did/you're doing the best you could/can.

jman thats a rea;;y good point about learning social skills when you are young and for them to become innate, i must tell my sons mother this........i am glad you can disagree with me in sucj an agrreable way...i have had a chat about this on another site which i find therapeutic....and older aspies who have learned social skills get tripped up by nt's for not being natural, you were lucky you learned them young but i think it is a challenge for older aspies to learn and the way we learn is stop-start ans not condusive to the flow of natural social skills...your ear;y interventon may be different to others experience.

I've been targetted for promotion (both to higher-paying employee positions and management positions) quite a few times in the last three years, and so far I'm doing a good job of avoiding it. I don't want to be in management for quite a few reasons, and my social issues are only a small part of it. The big thing for me is that I like the work I'm doing and I want to spend my time doing it, not watching groups of people doing it for me. The other issue is that most of the promotions I've been offered would involve relocating to the head office and I really don't want to move. I'm quite satisfied with my current salary so a small increase won't make any difference in my life - they'd have to offer me an obscene amount of money to make the move worthwhile.


I get along well with my peers and managers, but I have no interest in being friends with them away from work for the same reasons people are warned never to date a coworker: (1) after 8 hours at work, anything more leads to over-exposure and you'll get tired of being around them all the time, and (2) if the friendship/relationship goes sour you're still stuck working with them unless one of you quits or moves. Even if those weren't good enough reasons, the truth is that I have almost nothing in common with them other than my job.


That's how NTs learn, too. They just learn it quicker/easier than we do.