Feeling irritated or even worse

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Hi

My first post ever on wrong planet

I’m in the UK a 55 year old male with good wife and two grown children with a reasonable job and good employer (National Health Service). Lots of positives. Anxiety sufferer. In 2016 a new counsellor suggested I was autistic, it fits and I felt like my life made more sense. I always reacted to major change like grief for longer and deeper than anyone else. We had our share of loss over the on top of usual deaths, an aunt murdered and brother in law killed in accident in Africa at age of 28

My Dad got a liver cancer diagnosis out of the blue last Autumn and died 5 weeks later. I was with him all the way and his final 24 hours

Over the last 9 months I’ve been grieving with help and it’s been hard. About 3 months ago I realised the grieving had put me into overwhelm or even autistic burnout, no wonder I don’t know what to do with myself

Some hours are reasonable others are hell when I don’t know who I am, what I’ve done, what I want and where to to go next. Then the demons start telling me I’d better run away and hide or even thoughts of not being here

I go to the shed in the garden for an hour away from everybody and everything. I feel as though I need to disappear for weeks or even months and I can’t afford that. Anyone have a cheap, very quiet, hut in the woods in the UK I could hide away in please?

As I say I don’t know what to do with myself and it’ll soon be time for work, which I’m struggling with

Love to all those that understand

So sorry for your loss! I had a therapist years ago who taught me to write a letter to the person I was upset over, just put all your thoughts and feelings into it as if you were right there with them, telling it all. Of course you won't send it, but in working to put your thoughts and feelings on paper so they say what you really mean, you will also be helping yourself sort the emotions and thoughts and getting a sort of handle on some of the things that are hidden deep inside you. Losing a loved one, or anybody who has in any way been inportant in your life is a huge adjustment, and there is not a time table for how long you grieve, nor is there a "right" way to feel, think, or act as you work through it. Some people say you never get over a loss, but you learn how to deal with it over time. Don't let anybody else tell you you "should" feel, think, act, or "be over it" by now, etc. "should's" are almost always somebody else's idea of what they want from you. Sending hugs if you can use them. Give yourself time, be kind to yourself, don't worry about what others think or say. Emotional wounds take time to heal just as much as physical ones. Each of us is different, and thats' OK, for grief as in any other part of life.

Thank you

I’ve done that approach of writing a letter before

Most adult people with Aspergers find a way to achieve an equilibrium. However, when events insert an major upheaval, the world can come crashing in. Your desire for a remote hut is reflective of the need to re-balance. This does not necessarily mean a self-imposed exile.

The death of a parent can cause one to consider their own mortality. This can be unsettling on its own. Here a religious faith could be useful to reduce uncertainty. It might be useful to indulge those pleasurable activities (reading a favorite book, watching a favorite film, etc.) that you do not often get a chance to. This can create short periods where apprehensive thoughts do not intrude. This alone can provide some relief.

The long term solution will be to create a new equilibrium. Often anxiety is related to a sense of a lack of control. Doing old or starting new activities and projects can be a way of feeling more in control and may reduce anxieties.