Imposter syndrome

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Hi everyone! 55 and newly diagnosed asd/adhd and so high masking even tricked myself into thinking I was not. Being the parent of and grandparent of all diagnosed and a hubby, it was becoming obvious. I read my report and it seems foreign really, although I see moments where autism fits. I feel like my adhd is more pronounced though. Anyway, I’ve got all the feels right now, I’m angry, sad, feeling lost, any tips out there to move ahead?

It's a lot to take in!

Learning more about ASD would be a good start. If you're on FB, join some groups for it. One of the groups I'm in is called Adults Living with Level 1 Autism
(Though I'm not sure what your level is. There are a few level 2's in the group, so you won't necessarily be declined for not being level 1)


I'll share a few of the book resources my diagnosing Dr recommended to me:

• Ashburn & Edwards (2023). I Will Die on This Hill
• Autism Women’s Network & various authors, edited by
Ballou, Thomas, & daVanport (2017). Sincerely, Your
Autistic Child: What People on the Autism Spectrum Wish
Page of1 8
Their Parents Knew About Growing Up, Acceptance, and
Identity
• Belcher, Hannah (2022). Taking Off the Mask
• Garcia, Eric (2021). We’re Not Broken. Changing the Autism
Conversation
• Garvey, Niamh (2023). Looking After Your Autistic Self: A
Personalised Self-Care Approach to Managing Your
Sensory and Emotional Well-Being
• Gaynor, Zanna; Alevizos, Katherine; & Butler, Joe (2020). Is
That Clear? Effective Communication in a Neurodiverse
World
• Hayden, Chloe. (2022). Different Not Less: A
neurodivergent's guide to embracing your true self and
finding your happily ever after
• Hiding in Plain Sight: In Our Own Words (Compiled by
Nomi Kaim after the 2017 AANE conference). Available
online at www.aane.org/hiding-plain-sight-words
• Kim, Cynthia (2013). I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to
Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery
for Adults
• McKibbin (2015). Life on the Autism Spectrum: A Guide for
Girls and Women
• Price, Devon (2022). Unmasking Autism: Discovering the
New Faces of Neurodiversity
Page of2 8
• Prizant, Barry (2015). Uniquely Human: A Different Way of
Seeing Autism
• Silberman, Steve (2015). NeuroTribes: The Legacy of
Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity
• Simone (2010). Aspergirls: Empowering Females with
Asperger Syndrome
• Welcome to the Autistic Community by the Autistic Self-
Advocacy Network
• Willey, L (2014). Pretending to be Normal: Living with
Asperger's Syndrome.
• Willey, L (2012). Safety Skills for Asperger Women
• Wylie, Lawson, & Beardon (2015). Nine Degrees of Autism.
A Developmental Model

Learning more is a good idea.

And, remember that you are what you are. Learning that you are ASD or ADHD only changes you in that you know more about yourself than you did before.

I echo the suggestions to learn more about the conditions. Learning will help you understand which should address feeling lost.

What about it makes you feel angry?

What about it makes you feel sad?

Welcome to WP. I was diagnosed at 48, early 50s now. I also had normalized myself to myself. In the past two to three years I have become compassionately aware of my ASD stimming, communication challenges, etc. Before I had no clue whatsoever that I was AuDHD, GAD, etc. It's just the way life was --- super hard but I had finally figured out that it could be wonderful too (took a few decades and scars). To start I read tons of female ASD adult memoirs. Then I got my BFF on board which took a couple years. She didn't know either. I figure most any of my close friends are ASD or highly ND, whether they know it or not. What a journey.

Can't speak for OP of course, but I keep hearing that it's common to mourn and even feel angry about the life you could have had had you known sooner you were autistic. All the missed opportunities, and especially in terms of being bullied for being different or held to neurotypical standards without regard for your needs as an autistic person.

We're allowed to have needs? I need that validation and reminder about 100 times every day please.