Any Advice on Prioritising Urgent Situations?

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What I mean is, how to know what the most important thing in a situation is when lots of information is coming at you fast and furious.

I don't mean sitting down in meetings when I have time to think carefully, make notes etc. I mean real-life situations when lots of things are happening at once. bam! bam! bam! and I'm overwhelmed.

This is what I struggle with, is it to do with executive function?

And of course being able to clarify what I need and how to express it, but I really want to know any strategies for working out what the most important thing is in a situation.

Take notes! Bring something to take notes with when you go to meetings.
Even if you never look at them again writing stuff down helps you remember the important stuff.

But, if you are going to do that, don't confuse yourself by making meaningless doodles when you are bored.

There is a Japanese budgeting technique that involves writing stuff down in a ledger that allows them to see what money comes in and what they spend it on.
It allows them to save up for the expensive luxuries they want to buy and avoid spending them on cheap junk.

In other words, being able to buy really great stuff made in Japan and not that cheap import junk.
Or having a once in a lifetime dinners where you are personally fed by a world class chef.

Thank you.

That would be useful in a meeting but I really meant in fast-moving, real-life situations which are instantaneous e.g. what happened to me recently:

-A car drove into my gate and broke it.
-My neighbours ran out to interrogate him and tell me about it.
-My daughter had to get to school.
-I had urgent work to do on my computer.
-My toilet was blocked and a man was coming to fix it.

All those things happened at once, what to prioritise?

Or:
-My daughter was going to the college to enrol on her course, she ran off into the college and left me outside.
-My husband had dropped us off in the car and didn't say when he was coming back.
-I needed to get food and water but from where.
-There was nowhere to sit and rest while I waited for them both to come back.

Same applies- what to prioritise?

(I've edited my title and comment to clarify it)

I typically pick the tasks I can most likely complete on my own and work on those first.
I easily enter a flow state and can often do things very fast on my own.

Thus, I'd work on my computer in the first example.
Get food and water in the 2nd.

Typically if I get into the state of doing stuff I can continue doing stuff.

Getting stuck and not doing anything is worse. I can be hard to get started.

I did the computer work in the 1st situation but it was the wrong choice.

I should have dealt with my daughter first and kept her at home because she was shocked by the huge crash, the house shook. Then dealt with the man who crashed his car into our gate and destroyed it, because he very nearly got away with not paying for our broken gate.

Of course what I should have done was call the police because the man had committed a crime. If that ever happens again I'll call the police asap. They can deal with people who destroy my property.

The 2nd situation is correct: I should have made sure I had taken food and water with me as the first priority. I've learned to do that now.

This is what I mean: I need a foolproof method of prioritising emergency situations like that where information and crises are coming at me fast and furious.

I think a sort of "triage" system would help, something based on your top priorities and needs. I'd like to expand, but I have an appointment to get to--one I will be charged a penalty for and one I can't easily reschedule soon--so I will respectfully put my post on the back burner for now...

(How's that for a real-life example?)

Nothing is foolproof. Best to just deal with as best you can and move on.

Nor do you really know that you made the wrong choice. Maybe calling the police as quickly as possible would have escalated the situation and people could have gotten hurt. What you did may have reduced the chance for violence.

I should clarify that I'm English and the police usually aren't violent here. They would have come round and calmly assessed the situation, I expect.

However. Maybe they wouldn't. Maybe they wouldn't have come round at all.

I decided what I would do if it happens again is get the neighbours who helped me to come round and help me assess the damage to the gate and back me up. Because the car driver sent a builder round to measure up to make a new gate and he was HORRIBLE. I was all alone with no back up and had to defend myself against his accusations. I should have found some allies i.e. the neighbours who helped me.

So I suppose one aspect is: look for support when I'm having crises thrown at me fast and furious. In that case it would be the nieghbours.

In the 2nd case, my husband. He said I should have texted him to hurry back.

I got help with my neighbor when my car battery went dead to lift the old one out of the car. It shorted out and couldn't be jump started. I didn't know I had another neighbor who works in the business as a manager. He could have helped me out even more! As it was, I got a new battery via Amazon in 2 days and I was good to go.

This is why it's good to be friendly with our neighbours isn't it! People tend to keep away from their neighbours these days but I always make the effort.

My neighbours are generally lovely and helpful. We had some weird ones when we first moved in but they all moved and we have nice ones now.

So I asked my husband who is not autistic, and also he's a nurse, so he gave me this list of what to do in an emergency, fast moving situation, with lots of info coming at me at once. This is his list:

1. Check for immediate danger
2. My own health requirements
3. Health requirements of people in a hierarchy—most important first
4. Call for assistance—who is most appropriate?
5. Take stock of what to do next
6. Make notes about what happened

What do people think of that? I like it.

So with the car crashing into the gate incident, I would:
1. Check for danger. No one was in danger because the car driver wasn't injured and his friend was looking after him anyway.
2. My health- I was just shocked, not hurt.
3. Health requirements of other people- my daughter was rushing off to get her school bus. In hindsight I'd have told her to stay at home and told the school it was because she was shocked by the crash.
4. Call the police to deal with the crashed car and man. If they couldn't come, I'd ask my neighbours for help assessing the damage.
5. With my daughter settled, I'd get the details of the man who had crashed the car. I was lucky that he felt guilty and waited around, and my neighbours caught and held him to stop him driving off.
6. Make notes on what happened later.

I really like your husband's suggestions--I was going to say a lot of those same things. Since he gave you the short list, I'm going to expand on my own thought processes. Forgive me if it's too much--I'm in the mood to write!

Analyzing past moments of chaos is a great tool, as is imagining other fiascos, like things you may read about or see on TV. The American show "E.R." was on a few decades ago; I loved watching them sort out all the unexpected stuff. Some dramas love to put characters in conundrums where they have to choose between two or more beguiling or heart-wrenching possibilities, often with more plot twists later, (E.R, did that too). Scandals and unfortunate real-life tragedies might make you think about where your priorities lie. Take the time to flesh out "What would I do if that were me, and why?"

In medical triage, experts like your husband look at who needs urgent care at the hospital in order to survive, who can wait until their doctor has an opening, and who merely needs an ice pack. Those who have already passed away are left until everyone else is taken care of.

In general priority setting, you can consider needs vs. wants--what is actually necessary to survive vs. what you or others would prefer? Furthermore, are those wants necessary in other ways (such as a job), or mere pleasures like ice cream or a new outfit?

In more serious situations, you can consider legal issues--in the U.S., there are felonies, misdemeanors, and civil litigation. As an individual, you can consider threats to the safety of yourself and others, the loss of money and possessions, and injustice and ethical violations as different degrees of severity calling for immediate intervention vs. getting insurance information and proof of identity vs. calling a lawyer.

You can consider the reaction or needs of authorities and people who need you, like how understanding your boss or your child's teacher may be. My coworkers (teammates) won't be happy if I suddenly dump them for a day at the beach, but they'll appreciate me staying home when I have a raging fever. If I text them ahead of time (I will), they'll also appreciate the heads-up as a professional and personal courtesy, but it can wait until I stop throwing up. Priorities!

Also: what can be delegated? The plumber only needs you to let him/her into the house and tell you where the problem is. Your neighbors can (and did--yea!!) help. If you're on your own--like when your family temporarily ghosted you on campus--you focus on the most basic of things, stay calm, and remind yourself that sometimes you just have to make the best of a bad-but-not-horrible situation. I seriously hope they apologized! I might have told them that I "urgently needed" some ice cream to soothe the impact of the experience.

Of course, thinking clearly in moments of chaos and high pressure is almost always a challenge for anyone, but if you've stretched your brain ahead of time, it might help you be a little more confident and calm. I find that being able to say, "Eh--f*** those other things--they don't matter right now!" and laughing at the absurdity of it all helps. Failing that, I tell myself that I'll be able to laugh or at least relax later.

I don't really like her, but there's a woman on TV named Suze Ormand who gives financial advice. She always says: people first, then money, then things.

This isn't for emergencies but general life advice. It still kind of fits. I would tweak it to say: loved ones first, strangers in need second, then things that will cause a big problem if not attended to quickly. Similar to your husband's list but even more simplified.